Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi all,
I have a child arrangements order which has been in place for nearly 2 years. I have my children Friday - Monday every other week. They were 3 &5 when I went to court to get this contact. Usual stuff... Ex was refusing contact, volatile, manipulative etc etc.
The children are now 8 & 6. My son recently expressed that he would like to spend more time staying with me and very adultly said, surely it would be more fair to spend equal time with both parents dad?
I have wanted a more equal custody for some time now but took this as a call to action.
Emailed the mother, explaining this and suggesting that we try to move to 6 nights with me and 8 nights with her. Rolling.
She has refused saying she plans for them to go to loads of new after school clubs and they are all next to her house. So it wouldn't be convenient.
She lives about half an hour from me and their school is equidistant between us.
I have suggested that the clubs could be made more accessible to both parents, to avoid this being a problem.
Not heard anything back. So I am about to start mediation.
If it goes where I think it might .... Court. Where do people think I stand?
Thanks
Viv
It's difficult to know how a court will rule, but it's also worth giving mediation a chance to see if you can get increased contact through agreement.
... I agree with actd, try and get some agreement on increasing contact through mediation first. You never know, she might not want to have to go through the court process again and will agree to a schedule of increasing contact rather than doing it all in one go.
If court is your only option then you stand a fair chance of getting your time increased, especially as your Son is expressing that he would like that....there are no guarantees though and it's impossible to predict outcomes.
Thanks Both - yes would much rather resolve in mediation. Or better still just by conversation! ... however she is incredibly stubborn. And just simply ignores things or out right refuses without good reason.
She is also someone who believes she is above the law when it comes to her children. So it wouldn't surprise me at all if she doesn't show up to mediation.
Hence - I will then have no choice but to advance with court.
Unless anyone can suggest some new techniques of effectively communicating with someone such as this! .. maybe I need to try something new??!
Agree with what has been said, it's impossible to predict court outcomes, and I can't think of any other way to communicate than mediation to be honest. Many of our Dads ex's are very similar and you can't reason with an unreasonable person who wants to have control over the situation.
I hope she will attend mediation, perhaps if she refuses, you could ask her to reconsider on the basis that you will be left with no other choice than to make an application to court.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.