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After receiving some good help here on the forums and some positive advice from member mojo I have recently been to my first hearing, the directions hearing. Finally took the plough. Waiting in the waiting area for over 2 hours you could literally cut the air with a knife, terrible atmosphere, fathers being slated everywhere, so daunting.
In the space of 20 minutes from my first cafcass interview the vibe went from positive to an uphill struggle in 0-60. It started out as standard procedure and afterwards allegations were brought up. But thats great as I know now everything is out in the open and there are no more punches to be thrown.
Suppose over time I will be posting up details of my case in this thread hopefully to a positive outcome.
The allegations were those of physical abuse, My son had been accidentally hit whilst in my care from her my other son a while ago, they were toy fighting, at this point (after much negotiation) contact was resumed and happy to go ahead. Other allegation was emotional abuse, that my son had been informed of the court process by myself, though he had clearly been versed in court and mediation by his mother though this has now been documented by the school (looking really bad on my part) and finally that my son who lives with me full time is under social services and camhs.
Its also been mentioned that my son did not want to come for such length of time. Hes aged 7, and has been having issues of guilt when choosing between parents, not helped by coached decisions.
They said they couldn't deal with the case until a full report has been done by cafcass, which involves them coming to my home investigating my sons and police checks etc. no contact was arranged then for the interim. Surprisingly ex texted me and said she would allow contact on Fridays for 6 hours with 1 monthly overnight stay, which is the arrangement she has put forward to the courts for permanent contact in future. A little different to our usual every weekend arrangement shes now decided this is too much and there are safeguarding issues in my home.
I agreed and happily had DS on the first friday, everything went swimmingly, he missed us and cried his heart out when he had to return home. I then mentioned that there was a special family occasion the following Sat so to inform him. It was agreed that he could visit the following sat for this occasion. However, not being so careful in agreeing contact it appeared as though we were swapping days, not adding a day on. Which meant dropping him home on Friday and collecting him Saturday. I then get a phone call (ignored and switched to text msg due to history of abusive nature) saying son is waiting for me at school that Friday. I am clear that this may have been an underhanded move on her side as she is very clever and cunning. Because of this contact has now been stopped and its another allegation for the books. On the advice given I played my card and sincerely apologised accepting all blame, it was then said that he could come that Saturday but it was too late already, now there has been no further contact as she has refused.
A couple of questions I have regarding this are;
1. How is the court going to look at this incident?
2. What is involved in the cafcass report? As my son, who now lives with me full time and I have done lots of work together after moving from his mothers place. I voluntarily referred him to camhs who said that they have no concerns etc. he is now happy, has a job, good grades and is thriving since moving with me
3. Will they consider that he has siblings who visit every weekend? As cafcass said they recommend once a fortnight overnight stay to the courts, before the abuse allegations
Thanks if you made it this far! alot on my mind considering next hearing is quite a few weeks away,
I can only answer in a general way, others with more legal insight will hopefully add. The courts generally look at all incidents, but the parents have a tendency to think that relatively minor issues are worse that they actually are when seen objectively by the courts, so it's just part of the whole picture, and not something that will make too much difference. In addition, considering the court didn't order interim contact, and the mother has allowed this, including an overnight stay, she can't be too worried about anny safety aspects.
With regards to siblings, this is something the courts will also consider, they do like to encourage amongst the wider family where possible.
Thanks acdt. I understand that I may be a little more worried the I should be as the situation involves emotion, of course because we both have alot of passion for our child.
The contact for sure does contradict the statements, I've been allowed contact on off as and whenever she decides so far. With lots of subtle games and agro in-between.
Id like to get started on my court bundle now so i'm well prepared. Is there any literature on here which can help? so I can see what kind of documents I will need etc.
Hi there
If you use the search tab to look for court bundles you'll find some info I'm sure. In the meantime I'll look out some links for you, it's not too difficult and there is a format to follow....
CAFCASS will seek information from camhs I'm sure and will look at the whole picture...don't try and second guess everything, just be calm and honest with them and keep your responses completely child focused. It's always better to avoid any retaliation, although I'm sure you would avoid that anyway!
I would certainly mention that contact has resumed, don't bring up the crossed wires situation unless asked and talk about how close your children are to each other and to you.
Great Mojo, I will get onto that today..
Was just concerned as I'm not sure what to expect, as if i'm under close investigation. I will most definitely remember to remain child focused as brutal as the situation may be, If anything its a good reason to keep the house tidy
As has been said - if she's allowed contact but only on her own terms, she can't be that concerned with safeguarding issues can she?
The S7 is pretty straightforward - they will gather evidence where they can and will probably visit you at home or ask you to come to their office.
Stay child focused and answer what is asked of you.
In terms of a bundle, you don't need to worry about that yet, but essentially what they are, is a folder that contains all the paperwork so far. Get a black lever arch file and some dividers. Put all the documents into sections A) application forms B) any letters or documents from the court C) any letters or documents from Cafcass D) any statements that you or the mother have submitted E) correspondence / miscellaneous.
If you want to go into further detail on bundles, you need to look up Practice Direction 27a
Good luck
Thanks for your reply yoda. No its true there are no safeguarding issues whatsoever. It's just everything I do I receive criticism in response. Even down to telling my child I missed them, this is seen as manipulation or letting child spend the odd night in my bed for cuddle time and stories, this is not allowed. I have been sending diplomatic text messages in regards to little one and receiving tons of abusive messages in response.
Cafcass still haven't called so have been chasing them up. My main concern here is whether I should defend myself on certain allegations which keep arising, bring up any concerns which I have about exes behaviour or to skip past this, smile, nod and agree until we get into the courtroom.
The welfare officer has also omitted from the statement that they believe our child is having "loyalty conflict issues" I believe that this is important, do I ask for this in writing or to amend the original document? Thanks in advance
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