Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Long story short, after 10 years of not seeing my daughter, and having last seen her when she was 5 months, with allegations of harassment etc, and me having relocated from Wales to Canada years ago, I was given only indirect contact via cards and gifts, and no direct contact yet. Thankfully my daughter is interested in know me and my family, but Cafcass and the Judge didnt see through some of the mother's influence on the child, and gave me only indirect contact.
Im happy to have at least something, as Ive had nothing over the past 10 years, but i have residual emotions. Im glad the conflict is over, but i wanted more, asked for more, but they went with my daughter's wish to "take it slow."
Any thoughts are appreciated.
Hi,
while it was not the result you wanted, you can be proud of yourself for fighting to remain in your child's life. it would have been a lot easier to simply walk away and not look back. Would suggest to keep sending gifts, cards. It must be incredibly difficult if there is so much conflict between you and ex and you don't communicate. your child may reach out to you in future, so I think you should always keep that door open via any means, e.g. email, social media etc.
Yes, I agree with Bill. Keep the contact going and in time your daughter will most likely make contact with you. As children get older they vote with their feet. You've done well so keep up the good work
@champagne thanks. my family and friends say what you and bill said, that at least i fought. the judge said he was proud of me for accepting indirect contact and not countinuing to fight, which made things tough for all involved.
Still, I feel bad. my daughter is now 12 and it may be years before she can legally reach out on her own. Its 18 at which time kids are legal in the UK right?
Hi just a thought. During your indirect contact can other paternal family members be involved and make contact with you daughter, bring her in to your/her whole family. You can then keep her updated on family events, news etc
good luck with everything
Hi just a thought. During your indirect contact can other paternal family members be involved and make contact with you daughter, bring her in to your/her whole family. You can then keep her updated on family events, news etc
good luck with everything
Its too late. It wasnt suggested before the final agreement was signed off on by the judge. Now its a done deal.
Yes, 18 is the age when a child is legally an adult. However, children become more independent around 14 so begin to think for themselves about the situation. It can be difficult then to stop them having contact if thats what they want. If a case comes to court then the views of the child are usually taken into account from around 12 onwards.
Yes, 18 is the age when a child is legally an adult. However, children become more independent around 14 so begin to think for themselves about the situation. It can be difficult then to stop them having contact if thats what they want. If a case comes to court then the views of the child are usually taken into account from around 12 onwards.
my daughter did say she wanted to facetime with me, but my ex got to her, and she changed her mind and told cafcass she no longer wanted to chat with me, only cards gifts and letters. She was put up to it. But, the judge said, reading the cafcass report and what my daughter said, makes him strongly believe we will have a great relationship, because my daughter clearly wants to know me.
If my ex had not made my daughter change her mind, i would have been able to face time with her.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.