[Solved] Mother's Behaviour

Hi Throb,

At DAD you never have to apologise for asking a question. Ask whatever you want. I have moved your post but that was because I thought this was a more appropriate board.

Welcome to the site. Do you need to use the mobile phone to communicate with your ex ? Does she have a land line that you can talk to her on regarding your kids? If so just block her number for the time being.

How long have you been separated ? It sounds as if she still has a lot of anger and bitterness.

You have done the right thing by keeping a record of all that has happened.

Gooner

Hi Throb,

This is not a nice place to be in so i simpathise with you.

Very few phones allow blocking of number but from my 8 years in retail mobile phones there used to be a Samsung that would, it was an older one though and not made anymore, depending on what phone you have you may be able to download an app that filters these messages out from her number but you wouldn't have any evidence of them if needed in court (over access or harrassment)

It isn't a nice situation to be in and I understand your concerns over contact being stopped, I would maybe have a word with the police off the record, firstly they can logg your complaints but not act on it so you have a record of your concerns but they may also be able to offer some advice on how to go about stopping her.

I fear though that she won't stop as she knows she holds all the cards where access to the children are concerned. If she doesn't stop and the police are the only option, you can go to court for access for £200 and represent yourself.

Darren

Thanks Gooner (i too am a gooner 🙂 )

She insists that I text her to tell her when I am coming round to pick him up and dropping him off. I have avoided all phone calls because a) she just cannot be civil and it always ends up with her being abusive b) I have no way of recording phone calls just in case I need her comments recorded if things get too rubbish. Every time I see her in person, I record the conversation using voice memo (i know secretly is not permissable) as she was constantly swearing in front of him. So we still need to use text as a form of communication between us regarding our son.

We've been separated about 3 months now and her giving me all this abuse has helped me move on in my new life but now the texts are just getting distressing 🙁

Im sure they are, It seems as gooner has said she hasn't moved on and is still very bitter about it all.

I guess as it's only been 3 months she may calm down and as you aren't responding she may think she isn't getting to you, even though clearly she is, if you just shrug it off or at least make out that you are she may just stop.

Darren

Hi

I think recording her is permissable, not 100% sure - it's phone recording that is trickier.

Two possible suggestions - first, depends on your phone - what make/model/operating system does it run?

Secondly, you could get a second cheap phone and use that for communication to her - tell her you have changed your number and give her the new number (she doesn't need to know you have kept your old phone and number). That way, you only read the messages when you are ready to do so (however, you do need a way of keeping the messages - so a phone that can store messages on a memory card is best) - getting that element of control back will make a difference, and you won't dread looking at your normal phone when a text comes in, in case it's from her.

Good idea actd!

I have an iPhone 4s with the latest ios6 on it. I use the standard voice memo function to record conversations, i tried something called iPadio for phone calls but it didn't work.

I thought recording was only permissable if the other party are aware of themselves being recorded and have given permission for you to do so. (but that could be just something I've picked up off a tv programme 😆 )

Just something from my own experience of the last 2 ½ years……

my ex was abusing me via texts, phone calls, emails….all of the texts and emails I kept and saved for evidence and logged the calls times, roughly what they were about etc…

the problem escalated to a point where I went and spoke with the police, they said they couldn’t log it without going and speaking with her!
I not wanting to upset things further and risking not seeing my little boy agreed not to push it………what a BIG MISTAKE that was!!! Because a year later “She who must be obeyed!!!” accused me of harassing her and she actually managed to get an officer out to see me about it….on 3 or 4 occasions they tried to issue me a verbal warning….and on each I showed them the evidence of each one she was trying to use….each time the police refused to give me a warning as it was clear to the officers I saw that it was her being the harasser!!
However…..that didn’t stop her complaining to the police PPU and getting a jumped up female DI to actually issue me a verbal warning despite being able to prove to her that I wasn’t she just said to me and I quote “that’s what they all say and it gets worse in my experience from just unwanted messages”!! [censored]!!! My complaint to her supervisors didn’t go down well but I did prove my innocence after a few months of stress and worry.

I’m not telling you what I would do…..but my experience has certainly told me to keep every records of every conversation, messages, everything in notes etc… and if you can speak with the police they may have changed how they log things now….but above all protect yourself in case it goes badly and she goes down the route of the many ex’s you hear about from this site and others!!

Thanks dad-i-d!

I already have a police incident number for when she threatened me and was trying to sneakily find out where I live, maybe it might be worth just updating that incident number with this harrasment or will they see it as a separate incident?

I called the police a few days back just to log the details of these texts and that they are distressing to me but asked that they did not contact her or take it further, it was just to make a note in case things got worse. The police called me an hour ago and asked me to go to the station later and answer some questions, they wouldn't go into detail on the phone. I'm cacking it, I hope they're not going to warn her or anything as this will cause no end of trouble... 🙁

As far as I know, the rules you quoted above regarding recording only apply to phone conversations (and even then, you can record them, but they may not be permitted in court).

I use an app called Handcent (it's on android, but may be iPhone as well) - this allows me to block test messages from a particular user. What it does is to hide the messages from me in normal use, but the messages are still on the phone if you use the normal message application, so you have to go looking for them - that way you only see abusive texts at a time that's convenient to you, not when they are sent.