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My son told me the other day that he was going to Euro disney with his mum. I was happy for him but then he asked me not to tell his mum he told me. I asked why and he said his mum told him not to tell me and if he told he would never go to Disney again. I told him she shouldnt have said that and that i will talk to her but then he got upset and asked me not to tell her otherwise she will find out he told.
I appreciate its trivial but i dont think what she did was right.
1) she shouldnt be blackmailing a 6 year old like that
2) she should always tell me when she goes abroad with our son purely for security reasons. I have parental responsibility but she is primary carer. We were married.
I want to talk to her but i know she will tell our son off for telling me. This will ruin the trust he has with me.
Is there a way of addressing this?
Hi there
I absolutely understand where you’re coming from, she is wrong to put that burden on your child and of course he would want to tell you.
Make a record of what he said and his distress about it, but I think what you could be guided by is asking yourself, if the mother had been upfront with you about it, would you have been ok with it? If the answer is yes, perhaps you can let this go ahead, but address it with her after the trip... explain that he told you aboutthe trip and tell her that had she told you before, you wouldn’t have tried to stop it, but in future she must inform you. She could be stopped at customs and if she doesn’t have a letter of permission from you, they would be stopped from leaving, so it’s in her best interests to work with you on this.
The trust between you and your child is important and it’s so difficult when he is stuck in the middle of the two of you.
Hello
It's so sad when children get caught between two parents isn't it.
Your son obviously trusts you and that's great to have that bond with him. You probably also what to try and encourage him to be honest without fear of repercussions.
Perhaps encourage your son to tell his mum that he has told you. Or even reassure him that it's ok he has been honest and he doesn't need to worry about being told off.
If circumstances permit then meet with mum and son and have an open honest discussion about it. Mum needs to understand that it's a massive pressure on a child to keep secrets of any kind and it's not necessary.
If you can't meet up then send you a text/email explaining that your not happy about her putting your son in the middle like this.
Screenshot and file all communication. You may just need it at a later date if she turns nasty.
Good luck x
Good advice from NannyB... I know you’ve had communication difficulties with the mother, but meeting up with her and your child would be a good idea if at all possible.
Keep talking to your son, with lots of reassurance that he can always talk to you.
All the best
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