[Solved] Mother denying me child at my own house overnight

Hi timmytmg, welcome aboard!

What you describe is unfortunately very common. Whether we like it or not, the stereotype is still that men are providers and women are carers, so as much as I agree with you, the reality on the ground is that if you go the court route, it will be an uphill battle for you to get overnights with your child this early. I also suspect that having lodgers won't help your case.

If it's any consolation, your ex sounds a lot better than mine, and I would gladly exchange to be in your position.

I think your best bet is to continue doing what you are doing for at least another 6 months. Just accept it. I know it's not what you want to hear, but trust me, the alternative is a lot worse.

Keep a record of the time you spend with the child, take lots and lots of pictures, and generally, continue being reliable, helping in what you can, tell her how good a job she is doing as a mother, etc ... Be patient, keep at it for 6 months, slowly things will change, but I think you really need to take it slowly.

My personal opinion is tread a little careful around the court issue especially giving your child's age. Mediation is something you could suggest but if you went guns blazing suggesting court from my experience and others things can get very sour quick and contact can in turn be stopped completely but it all depends on how amicable the relationship is between parents.

In terms of overnights and again this is in my experience is that if you go to court because of the child's age a progressive build up could be suggested and it was with mine at 18 months old and it's taken nearly a year to get my first overnight.

I think get as much time under your belt as possible and try work something out with your ex like a progressive build up because if you get into the system it' could be a long stressful journey as other members on here know to well.

Good luck.

Thanks for the reply!

Of course I appreciate that there are other blocks she could put up i.e not letting me stay etc but the annoying thing is none of it is for the boy, it's all about controlling me. Which I'm sure many on this board will sympathise with 🙂

Funnily enough the women I speak to are convinced that I will absolutely get a right to have him overnight. Many are in worse situations than my ex, or have been, and are slightly irked that she doesn't realise how good she gets it (I give her money way above what I would realistically be asked to give her by any court) so I should probably take that into account.

Right now I am just a baby sitter and my time with my son isn't quality time. When she's pissed off with me she is perfectly happy for me to spend 8 hours+ wandering the streets of Stockport in and out of play areas, cafe's and Wetherspoons; How is that in the interest of the child?!

I do of course keep a record of my time with him. All I do is work and then try to see him but in her mind I'm completely unreliable and am hardly ever here, mainly because I won't agree to have him on a date three months in advance because I don't know what work will come up (and this is just so she can go to a baby shower or birthday or whatever).

I guess the crux of it is that I don't see how it's justifiable for her to 'allow' me to take him for days at a time with her just popping in for half hour at her mums house (just me there none of her family) but not my own?

I will add I'm looking for mediation and not court. I realise that in mediation they can tell her anything and she doesn't really have to do it, but it would be helpful for my cause if I thought they might agree that I should at least be able to have him overnight.

What you are describing sounds like me 6 months ago. I was seeing the child frequently, yet the mother was super controlling about it. It got to the point I couldn't take it anymore, and when I protested that she was yet again changing a previous agreement, everything went downhill really really fast.

First she called the police claiming I refused to leave her house, then unsuccessfully applied for a non-molestation order, then came the contact centre, and now on top of the never ending allegations of harassment come the allegations of me threatening to abduct the child and causing the child emotional harm.

Yes you can go to court, and you can even win every single time like I have, and guess what ? I'm still not seeing my child, and in the best case, it will be months before I get to play in a park with him again.

The system is biased against you. Your best bet is to build as strong a bond with the child as possible, and ignore whatever non-sense the ex says.

Good luck.

Superproud dad has is at the more unfortunate end of the spectrum, there are some that turn out better, but I agree with his and other posters sentiments in that I wouldn't spoil the level of contact that you have, and going to court will certainly have a good chance of spoiling, it and even mediation. I would really sit it out at this stage, and see if you can build up more contact and staying contact over a period of time - your ex might want to go away for a few days, so it might at some point become convenient to her.