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Hi - new to this but desperate for help.
I separated from the ex in 2015, my 2 children 15 & 12 chose me and we remained in the home. The home is mortgaged - my parents paid deposit and my mother and I have paid every payment. I took on payments myself approx 2010 and have had the mortgage since 2003. The ex has claimed she wants 50%. During covid I asked for a payment holiday - after 1 month I got a letter advising the ex had rejected any further months and NatWest cancelled it. The ex has also blocked mortgage offers meaning we are on standard rate paying £100 over the top every month. Can anything be done about this?? The ex has been constantly out to harm me and the kids since the split and even quit work to avoid paying child maintenance. The money is really affecting us. She even sent social services to the school causing upset and embarrassment for the kids and had the house visited / checked as I was supposedly starving them. I had to pay thousands to get parental responsibility - all money I don’t have. I now have an IVA and can’t afford any more legal bills yet she has me trapped. Can I get her off the mortgage? Can she do this legally and force me to keep paying over the odds ? Can she block payment holidays when she hasn’t made a payment and it doesn’t affect her? Money is so tight and I have sent letters to her without reply. Any help anyone can give would be amazing - thanks
I'm sorry you're having this problem which must be very worrying. It sounds as though you need a solicitor to sort out what she is entitled to financially so you can have a clean break. Most solicitors will give you 30 minutes advice at a special rate so you can have an idea of whats involved. The other possibility is Citizens Advice - they often have the services of a solicitor pro bono and they can help with financial or debt management too.
@dad1983 bit of a tough situation. I'm guessing you weren't married as you haven't mentioned divorce in which case you cannot rely upon applying for a financial order to resolve matters as part of the divorce process.
As the mortgage is in joint names then yes, unfortunately your ex can frustrate matters by not agreeing to repayment plan offers from the lender etc, as its in joint names they will require both parties to agree.
However, there are ways forward. If you were not married and the property is owned jointly and you do not have any signed agreements when you moved in (deed of trust) as to how the property will be split upon seperation, then she does have a claim to 50%..but, as the children live with you and you are the parent with care, you can make a Schedule 1 claim under the Children's Act where a court would address the needs of the children. Effectively you would keep your 50% of the property and then you would apply to the courts on your children's behalf to claim against your ex partners 50% share for the needs of the children.
It is difficult to say how the courts would look at this percentage wise but it will probably be the best avenue. It's a complex area of law so a solicitor would be needed.
You will also need a solicitor to resolve the matter of the property anyway as you can't continue to own it jointly. So either the property would need to be sold or you would need to buy her out, but get legal advice first.
Hope this helps, all the best.
Hi - thanks for your replies
This is going to sound like a horror story but no we weren’t married - I had to a 20k loan on to marry her in august 2015. In may 2015 whilst on the stag do she left the kids alone and I found out she was cheating. I got nothing back off the wedding as it was within 3 months. She has not had anything to do with our kids. We later found out she married and had another child very shortly after.
I added her to the mortgage as I found out when my dad died that if I had left him on the mortgage my house would have been paid off. I didn’t want my family suffering this so I added her onto the mortgage in 2013(she hasn’t been on it since the start). My dad died 2012. By 2015 she had gone and has not contacted the kids or me since (only for the court case - at court they actually asked her what she wanted to achieve as she seemed malicious intent on attacking me - so they granted me everything I asked for).
sounds like a soap but unfortunately this has been my life - I am desperate to get her off the mortgage and about of my life - the kids are now adults - my son (19)has aspergers and is at university but lives at home. My daughter has moved out (22).
just to make things worse - on a separate note I allowed people into my home to make it greener - they fitted insulation / boiler as part of a government deal and have now caused mold / dry rot all over my home and I can’t fight them either - it really has been quite the few years from [censored].
@dad1983 sounds like a lot has gone on and is going on. I think with Viks' excellent additional advice you have the starting point for next steps and seeking further advice.
Good Luck with things.
wow this is a great site, i really love what i see here
@Dad1983 - Daddyup offered great advice there.
i like to chime in, the way i read it is that you didnt initially buy the house with her. but you later added her to the mortgage?. THE MAIN question you need answered when she was added to the deeds (which the mortgage company would require) was she added as legal owner (just for mortgage purposes) or also as a beneficial owner. This is important, because if she isnt on land registry as a beneficial owner and was just added as legal owner (say for mortgage purposes) then she may not be entititled to anything, as she has no beneficial interest in the property upon a sale.
You would need to get a solicitor to find out how you can move forward and what the actual ownership is. For eg if i own a property, i could add my child as a legal owner if they are helping to pay the mortgage with me, but not as a beneficial owner (meaning they are not entitled to anything upon a sale, i could still remain the full beneficial owner). In this example my son helps to pay the mortgage with me, but owns his own property but for tax reasons does not want a beneficial interest. So they not a beneficial owner, and upon death the property remains fully in my estate for IHT reasons, and does not form part of the childs estate even if they was to die first.
However if you completed a AP1 and TR1 form (normally done by a conveyancing solicitor) at the time and also added them as joint beneficial owners when you added her to mortgage then she is entitled to half. But as daddyup said you can make a Schedule 1 claim. also note in this case she can have also created herself a tax liability for CGT as she doesnt live in the home. Your fine in regards to tax as its your main home where you live.
I think you can even ring up Land Registry and they should be able to tell you what kind of ownership you have. You could then also request a copy of your house deeds and take it to a conveyancing solictor to ask what your position is with her.
There will be a restriction on the land registry by your lender for having a mortgage. Question now is she also a full beneficial owner on the land registry, either as joint tenants or tenants in common?
Either way i think you be ok as the kids live with you and it makes your case stronger, just going to be a hassle to sort out to remove her off the mortgage and/or deeds.
@Vik2001 thanks for your reply.
to confirm - I had the mortgage in 2003 with my mom. I transferred my mom off and the ex on in 2013 as I got a promotion and could pay it myself (my dad had died in 2012 and I didn’t want added pressure on my mom). I proposed and had wedding planned for 2015 before she cheated and left me with the kids. I thought we would co-parent but she never returned just caused trouble with courts and social services without any real reason as she didn’t want kids - just all seemed malicious. It cost me £5k in letters and fees to sort the various orders a dad needs (moms automatically have) - I requested hers be removed due to how it was going as she didn’t deserve them and was clearly distressing the kids - to be told you cannot take it away from a mother either! I felt the whole world was against me.
I am pretty sure I would have added her properly incase anything happened to me (cancer runs in the family across the men).I will be digging everything up though in the hope I never signed my life away.
I definitely have more to go and look thru. I just can’t afford the legal fees as I have a new relationship, the mortgage I can’t change, kids and higher costs plus my IVA that are impacting heavy on daily life. I really need her gone as I’m being reminded daily of her painful existence and my partner who don’t even know her doesn’t need this to be part of our relationship as she won’t go away.
thanks again for all your comments / advice - this is a great help and a great site
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