[Solved] Moral and legal, help needed.

Before suggesting anything else, I think it might be worth writing to her mother to ask if the baby has been born yet, and can they let you know any arrangements you can make to see the baby - it does seem from what you have said that she might be more amenable to helping you.

Before suggesting anything else, I think it might be worth writing to her mother to ask if the baby has been born yet, and can they let you know any arrangements you can make to see the baby - it does seem from what you have said that she might be more amenable to helping you.

Ouch I had exactly the same happen to me it's absolutely unreal barred from all the scans and the birth I found out off facebook when my daughter was born I must admit it broke me, you can't really do a lot to be fair until baby is born but make sure if your ex is still being difficult that you go to court as soon as possible to get contact, please don't make the same mistake as me and leave it for 4 months hoping my ex will come around, trust me they don't and I ended up missing out on the first year of my childs life.

Hang in there it's absolute [censored] but I promise you this will get sorted out 🙂

Thanks for the reply and suggestion....I have already written to her mother, sadly it seems that the promises from her were also false ones

Thanks for the words of encouragement Mr Slim, i totally get what you mean about it breaking you, i am in pieces over this whole thing.....makes it worse that she knows it aswell. I can't even find out through facebook, after i met them all last week they have all changed their profiles so nobody else can see, cold and heartless doesn't come close to what i need to say to them all.

Well don't let them win it's time to pick yourself up dust yourself down get your strength and start the fight do your research and crack on, you can't really do a lot as you have no control on what the ex or the rest of them will do but you can start preparing to be a father and learn how the family courts work as it looks like you're going to have to go through the courts to get a decent contact order set in stone, I'm so pleased I did it took a while but it's well worth it 🙂

That's the problem at the moment, i have no control of anything! Not only am i desperate to see and hold my baby, but not even knowing if she is healthy and everything's ok is tearing me apart.
As i've already said i put the Declaration of Parentage papers into the court, even though i already know she's mine i knew i had to do that just because she even said the words "not the dad" but i don't even know if they will accept it without the birth details and her name, which is pretty [censored] ironic considering that's the reason I've needed to do it! Not even knowing my own childs name isn't a good feeling!

Nobody from any organisation or legal profession can tell me anything about what to do next or what's going to happen, if the court rejects the application then i don't know what to do.

Obviously the lack of morals is staggering, but to find out that a woman can do this with no repurcussions what so ever just because she wants to "own" a baby is just one of the things scaring me. It pretty much seems there is nothing in law to stop her doing whatever she wants to deny me.

I know you're right Mr Slim and i have a fight, but believe me i will not and can not just walk away, but it's real hard when even a solicitor tells me there's nothing i can do without all the birth details.

Trust me I know exactly how you feel I too was barred from everything scans birth baby naming I didn't even see my daughter for the first 6 weeks of her life then my ex stopped contact for nine months I found her name and birthdate through facebook, It is the worst feeling ever you feel completely helpless, like I said you simply can't do anything at the moment it's tough but you have to ride it out, you have to keep it together for the sake of your daughter as despite what your ex says she needs a daddy in good health, straight ming and is willing to fight for her.

My ex tried all that bulls**t your not the dad blah blah blah it didn't last long my ex was just the same absolute [censored] from [censored] for 2 years she's only just started to chill out so expect it to get worse before it gets better.

You really shouldn't let all this consume you it will eat you up trust be, make sure you lean on friends and family for support and you will get a wealth of info here, You're going to have to except that the women do have the upper hand at first they can do what the [censored] [censored] they like and they will to destroy you and try and make you walk away your only line of defence is not to do just that keep your head together and fight, your daughter will be there for the rest of your life so all this is a flash in the pan in the general scheme of things.

I've never heard of these declaration of parentage papers what are they? You can't do anything in the meantime you're just going to have to hold out until she is born, Can you get a nice letter to her and maybe a bunch of flowers to tell her how you feel? I tried that on a couple of occasions and it worked a treat 🙂

Not letting it consume me is really hard.... i'm stuck at home after back surgery so i have no escape from everything going around in my head!

The declaration of parentage is for the court to force her to give DNA and when it comes back that automatically puts me on the birth certificate, basically because she won't acknowledge me the courts will issue an order to make her.
One of the things also is that she might of even done this before with her other daughter...it never crossed my mind while we were together, why would it, but she always told me her 11 yr old's dad never wanted anything to do with her and has never seen her....obviously now i know there's a [censored] good chance maybe the poor sod doesn't even know he is her dad! Maybe she's thinking that she's done it once, so she can do it again...i don't know.

As for the "grovelling" approach...i really have tried everything

I'm sure you have to apply for parental responsibility when you are not on the BC I'm not sure about what you have mentioned but I'm sure someone on here can clear it up? Getting on the BC doesn't mean you automatically have the right to contact thats done with a child arrangement order so I'd concentrate on trying to get contact that is the main priority for sure.

Sorry to hear about your back man what a nightmare this [censored] is the last thing you need, yeah my ex had another daughter and done the same to her dad he ran for the hills so i think she thought I'd do the same but she was mistaken.

I don't know how I've got through the past 2 years of [censored] so I can't really give you advice on how to keep your head straight I actually gave up a 20 year cannabis addiction to take my mind off things strangely enough, I ploughed myself into work then buggered off djing in ibiza to keep busy.

It sounds like you are going to have to sit tight you can't do anything else, it sucks but I promise you this will get sorted out, I nearly lost the will to live but it was worth it to get the result I did

I can't apply to get any kind of visitation or contact until I have that piece of paper proving i'm the father, that's the Declaration of Parentage bit. I'm only having to do that because she lied about me being the dad, but once I have it the court automatically names me on the BC giving me parental rights, but i know if she still refuses to let me in then the rest of the [censored] starts just to be able to see the baby.
I can't even start any process to do with visitation or contact until i have that proof of parentage but that's why i'm here, i don't even know if the courts will accept the paperwork without the full details of the baby, and i still don't know if she's even been born to give those details.
Somebody at the courts told me they thought that i might get an order forcing her to give me all the details and info so that the application could be processed, but they also said the court might reject it, if that happens then i'm still left in this emotional [censored] and no further forward.