[Solved] Mediation/family court conflict

I'm not sure exactly what the situation is here - it might be worth ringing the court to give them a call. The courts do prefer mediation, and they insist that it must be tried before going to court, so it would depend on how a court viewed her actions - they could either decide that she was given the opportunity and failed to attend, or that she's trying now, and they'd prefer you to try to mediate first. Since you have (presumably) paid the application fee to the court, I think that you would be justified in continuing in court, but I'd ring the court to check.

Can anyone decisively help me please? I initiated mediation and attended my MIAM back in July. I offered to cover my exes costs of mediation, but she completely ignored the mediators attempts to contact her. I applied for court, have my cafcass interview tomorrow and my court date set for January. My ex has now gone and booked her own mediator! I've responded to them, informing them of what's happened so far and they've said I need to attend a MIAM with them, which I've agreed to as I want our arrangements sorted and do not want to appear obstructive. It's occurred to me though that this new meeting may null and void my original MIAM and certificate advising mediation is not suitable. What do I do?

Hi
Your main focus should be on the CAFCASS interview - there are messages/threads on here (from Mr Slim + others, from memory) that are very good/helpful. Main points: 1) stay calm, and child focussed, 2) don't bad-mouth or waste time discussing ex allegations - just say you disagree, with Ex opinion and you prefer to remain focussed on the needs of your children. 3) The aim of the CAFCASS interview is to determine any risks to children involved. They are not making friends with you - being "friendly" and "understanding" is the best way to make people "open up". Just stay calm, be honest and child-focussed.

If you have already had a MIAM and already applied to Court and have been given a first hearing date - then you should not have a concern about your MIAM being null and void. I am quite sure it would have been rejected at application stage (gatekeeping) if the Court thought your MIAM was "no good".

A MIAM is valid for 4 months - meaning it can be used to apply to Court up to 4 months from the date is was issued by the mediator. Although there is some leniency about this time interval - the main concern is that issue the MIAM was related to - is the same issue you seek to resolve via Court (which I assume it is).

Continuing to "resolve a dispute" are what Courts expect. So attending mediation (if your Ex will do so after her MIAM) is a good thing. It does not "null and void" anything.

A large part of mediation is about compromise and seeing things from another person/your Ex's perspective and seeing what might be best for children, etc. It is advisable to NEVER offer to pay the fees of another person - if they can afford it. It only encourages an ex to not take mediation seriously. If that person is not willing to pay for mediation - they are unlikely to be in the right frame of mind to approach mediation constructively - hence it is a waste of time/money. There is financial help for those on low incomes/benefits - so even this is not an excuse for someone to not attend/pay for mediation.

I suspect you Ex (served with Court papers) went to a solicitor and they suggested to her "you should do a MIAM/go to mediation". You have been contacted by them because mediators are "obliged" to contact the other party to invite them for MIAM/mediation.

You are not under any obligation to do another MIAM - and if you stick to your guns - you should be OK to mediate with Ex once she has done her MIAM (edit: that is, if you want to and your ex wants to. It may well be your ex just wants to get a MIAM so she does not come across as "obstructive" - she can then tell CAFCASS she is "in mediation", etc, etc)

Hope helps

HI There,
.
I agree with actd, I would call the courts and ask them for advice, I think by the sounds of it your ex is trying to stop you from going to court and maybe didn't believe that you would go that far if she ignored the request for mediation.
.
Call the courts and ask for advice.
.
GTTS

....As TashaHL has said, just carry on with the process, you can agree to mediate at this stage without it stopping the process, and you could make the point that you will enter into mediation as long as it is understood and agreed that if agreement is reached that you are happy with, that it is presented at court to be made into a consent order.

It's unlikely that she will acquiesce in mediation if she has refused to do so up to now, and as TashHL has said it's more than likely a box ticking excercise to make her look cooperative.