[Solved] Mediation/child visitation rights

Hi there Leon,

Are you sure she is not fabricating this? The only reason a mediator would advise denying contact would be if there were serious safeguarding issues such as physical abuse, but even then proof of this would have to be shown. Have you telephoned the mediator and asked if he has recommended your son is kept away from you and if so on what grounds?

If she applies for a court order then you would have to be served with the court papers and be given the opportunity to argue your case. It's a complex process and not one done by a solicitor drawing up an order!

If you have a solicitor I suggest you ask them to,write to her solicitor asking for contact to be reinstated as this is in the best interests of your son. If you don't have a solicitor then you can write and request that contact be resumed.

Hi Nannyjane

Thank you for the reply.

I had a some mental issues in the past, but have since been seeing a qualified councilor, as well as prescribed medication by my GP. These were not in any way putting my son's safety at risk.

Unfortunately, my wife only dropped this bomb on me late yesterday afternoon (Friday), which means I will only get to speak to my solicitor on Monday. She refuses access to my son, even though our visits and arrangements have been issue free for months. Just now all of the sudden, after her initial meeting with the mediator, she decided to get a court order. I still don't know on what grounds.

The thing is, my son cries his heart out each time I return him to his mother, and I think that upsets her, to know he wants to be with me. Everytime we go out for walks, he says: not going to mommy. He is only 2 and a half years old. And I believe that it is beneficial for him to form a strong bond with his father at this age. Don't get me wrong, I have no intention of keeping him from his mother, and he is probably best of living with her, in stable accommodation (I have to rent). I only asked to spend time with him over weekends, taking trips to the parks, and train stations (he loves trains).

Could I insist on seeing my son this weekend, and ask her proof of her court order?

Even with your past mental health issues, which are being managed, and the fact that contact has been on going for months without issue, I can't see a mediator giving this point blank advice! I still think she must be exaggerating this....it wouldn't be unheard of!

Most small children cry at hand over time, it's confusing for them that the two people they love in all the world are at odds with one another....it's called separation anxiety. Children are effected when parents split up regardless of how well this is managed.

Unfortunately you cant insist on seeing your son...Its unlikely that she will have been granted a court order without you being informed, but she doesn't need one to deny you contact!

I would suggest you telephone the mediator first thing on Monday morning and find out exactly what has been said. If they have given this advice ask them on what grounds and remind them that they have a duty to be unbiased and to listen to both parties. I would certainly consider an official complaint about their actions to their governing body.

If they haven't advised such extreme action then you must get straight onto her solicitor, either with your solicitor or as self represented.

Thanks Nannyjane

Well, to be honest, my wife does not want to know anything about me. I told her I was seeing a councilor, but I don't think she even mentioned this to the mediator. I will consider raising an official complaint to the mediator body, and might even suggest changing to a different mediator all together, one which had been recommended to me by my solicitor.

I just feel so low at the moment. Just when I thought I am getting over the breakup, and start getting my life together, she has gone a did this 'inhuman' thing. I only wish to spend some time with my son. He is the only family I have left in this country :boohoo:

...I understand how you must be feeling but hopefully you can get this sorted out next week and get things back on track.

Hi NannyJane

Perhaps you could shed some light on my developments.

So my wife claimed she has a Resident order being process with her solicitor, and refused me access to my child over the passed weekend. I spoke with my solicitor today, whom had an update from her solicitor. It was said that she has not requested any orders of any kind as yet, and has an appointment with her solicitor on Wednesday to discuss it. Now there are stories spread that child services advised her to refuse me access to my child. How true could this be? I just feel so frustrated, and the lies keep coming from all over. Another lie was that my anger caused her to refuse me access. I honestly don't know where I have been angry, as we never had contact in the past week, for them to use that excuse.

Apparently, the mediator met with my wife on Thursday last week, and during the session, my wife phoned her solicitor, and both her and the mediator discussed options with the solicitor. Her solicitor apparently thought this was very odd and out of place, and that the mediator sounded 'twitchy', and egging my wife on to take steps immediately. I have since spoken with the mediator today, and she were not willing to discuss what has happened during her session with my wife. She mentioned that my wife is no longer willing to have joint sessions with her. She then decided to cancel my appointment, as she did not see how she could be of any more assistance. I have requested their policies for raising a formal complaint, as they were supposed to be unbiased and should have met with me before making any conclusions.

I will now only get an update via the solicitors on Wednesday, but would greatly appreciate seeing my son this weekend, as I am leaving on Monday, for 5 weeks.

Could you perhaps shed a bit of light on this?

Kind regards
Leon

Hi there Leon,

As I said before, for your ex to get a residence order she has to apply to the court and they would then issue you with the papers. These would include a copy of the form she submitted to apply for residence and the reasons she gave. You would also be given a date to attend court. You would then be able to respond to any allegations she has made and your solicitor would also be able to request interim contact be discussed at the first hearing.

Without knowing what your ex has told Childrens Services it's very difficult to comment but if she has made allegations their response would most likely be to suspend contact if she felt the child was at risk. If you read through other dads stories here you will see that an ex making allegations of anger/violence is quite common and the authorities will often lean on the side of caution when allegations are first made but once it becomes clear that there is no proof they will be ignored. The best thing you can do is to rise above it and don't react.

This mediator sounds unprofessional to say the least and I would definitely look at making an official complaint about her.

See what your solicitor says on Wednesday and then you can decide on the best way forward. If she is still denying you contact perhaps you could ask her via your solicitor to consider allowing you to have contact this weekend supervised by a family member, or perhaps somewhere like a children's play centre. It's worth a try.

...I meant to say, talk to your solicitor about putting in an application for a contact order, make the first move!