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Afternoon All,
Brilliant website as I have just come across this. Really happy to have found a single dads forum.. Hope at last.
The situation:
Ex partner and I split up just over 3 months ago. I live in London, and she now lives in Birmingham (135 Miles Away). We have a son who is 15 months young, and his birth changed my world. Ive been an exemplary father, and share an amazing bond. How Ex seems to believe that I must get back with her, in order to have a relationship with my son. Its been a nightmare to say so the least.
I finally initiated mediation as she was not interested. As I was about to file my C100, she has just informed me that she will now be attending mediation in a couple of weeks.
What I want:
For the benefit of my son, I would like to have a 50/50 Joint custody agreement order in place, where he can spend two weeks out of the month with me, and two weeks with his mother, up until he is the age of four, where we can decide later where he should attend school. Currently, my childs mother has not let my son spend time with me in my house for no reason at all, and everytime i have gone to see him, i have had to drive up to birmingham from london on every occasion. My sons mother also stops contact between myself and my son when shes in a foul mood with me, especially when she realises that i have really moved on, and do not see myself with her any longer, as I have tried to reconcile, but it is draining to be with her.
Questions:
What is the likehood of being able to achieve joint custody given that I am in London and my son is in Birmingham? He is bottle feeding and not breast feeding, i say this because I have heard how some mothers claim breast feeding as a way of stalling over night stays etc.
Are there any fellow members on here that have/are in a similar situation to me, and what was the outcome?
Are judges as biased towards fathers as I have read up online... or has the judicial system evolved finally and now recognizes the importance of good dads out there?
I have a good career, stable accomodation (she does not work, and is currently living with her family), does this by anyway impact my case that i put fourth in a positive light?
Regards,
ACKC
Hi there
Unfortunately there's no way of predicting the outcome of court action, but courts do want both parents to be involved in a child's life, as long as there are no safeguarding issues.
A shared care arrangement usually works better if both parents live fairly close to one another and can get on in a civil manner... although it's not essential.
There can still be some bias in favour of mothers, but if you present a calm and reasonable front, dont bad mouth the mother (that doesn't mean you can't raise concerns) and keep your child's best interests to the fore at all times you will stand a much better chance of a favourable outcome.
You can ask for a 50/50 shared care arrangement, but tailor your expectations, because you may not get everything that you ask for. You need to present a good arguement as to why 50/50 is what's best for your child, so do your research.
Mediation will give you some idea of what she's prepared to give, but anything agreed isn't legally binding. If you're happy with the arrangements made during mediation, you can apply to court to have it written into a consent order.
If you're still in the family home you can mention how familiar and comfortable he is there and that he would be happy to spend extended time with you in surroundings where he feels safe. Think about what child care arrangements you can put in place when he is with you and if he is close to your wider family and they live close to you, you can also talk about how much he would be missing them and how he would benefit from spending quality time with them.
All the best
Thank You Mojo, I really appreciate your thoughts.
Essentially, I have not bad mouthed her ever. Her problem is that she wants to get back with me, but I do not want to, as she has shown me her true colours, and what she can be like (I.e. An absolute nightmare to be with).
I do however hope in a few months time that this nightmare finally comes to a close in court.
What would be your childcare arrangements when your son is with you and you are at work - I would think that could be an argument your ex could put unless you can work from home when he's with you. I can certainly see you'd have quite a job persuading a court to agree 50/50 with such a distance, but that doesn't mean I don't think you shouldn't try, but have a good fall back position just in case (however, don't suggest this at the start, as the court will take this as an easy and acceptable position on your part).
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