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Hi all.
It's now been a just over a year since the ex wife walked out on our family. She is threatening mediation and court of I don't force the kids to have contact with her.
Over the last year she has had 3 supervised contact sessions at the school but other than this it has been pretty much non existent on her part
The school even stopped the contact sessions as they could see it was upsetting them.
The kids are 7 and 8 and are adement that they don't feel comfortable or want to be forced to see her.
She was verbally and physically abusive towards them in the past and I don't feel forcing them is the right thing to do.
What are my options/outcomes.
Ive offered to try to arrange supervised contact but she wants to jump the gun and have the lot.
As a parent your ex has as much right to seek access to her children as yourself. If you refuse to attend mediation your ex might possibly start court proceedings but given the history of physical and verbal abuse, the fact that she walked out on them for over a year, that you have the schools support because your children don't want to spend time with her, I think that she will either not proceed or that your stance in court will be favourable.
Maybe she's changed, maybe she realises her mistakes and wants to make things right. Apparently the courts are of the opinion that both parents should be involved in children's lives. I couldn't agree more, if all is equal and there are no serious concerns about the childrens welfare or safety. Unfortunately I don't know the circumstances of your lives and the events that have lead you to where you are now.
An alternative would be that your ex can apply for supervised visits at a contact centre. You could show willing and provide her with the link - https://www.naccc.org.uk/
I think if it does go to court your children can voice their opinions and the history of your case will help determine what's best for everyone involved. As the resident parent who's been solely caring for your children for the past year and with a history of abuse from your ex, you won't have too much to worry about. My advice is to go to mediation, voice your concerns and if your ex doesn't agree to your requests that you allow her to proceed with court.
Hi
If there have been incidents which mean the children are not keen on seeing their mother, a contact centre would probably be the best place to start. Without a court order , she cannot force you to allow unsupervised contact.
Anything that is agreed in mediation is not legally binding, and if it is apparent that one of you won't attend, or you attend and can't agree, the mediator can sign a page of the Child Arrangement Order application form so that a court order can be made.
In your position, I would advise making a court application yourself, it would probably look better for you if you do and would move things along more quickly for the children, it can't be nice having this hanging over you all. Before a joint mediation session takes place, you would both attend separately, this is called a MIAM - Mediation Information Assessment Meeting.
The court expect parents to encourage and support children to have a relationship with both parents when it is safe to do so, and in my opinion based on experience in the court room, it would probably be better for you to take the initiative and apply for a Child Arrangement Order yourself. I've seen many judges ask parents 'why did you not apply yourself if you had concerns'.
It might be that she will do a complete turnaround in mediation if you can both get that far but it's my feeling that if there has been abuse, court would be the way forward. We usually advise people to avoid court at all costs, but if you have serious concerns, it might be the better option.
There are two types of contact you have at a centre. Supervised - this is monitored and a report for each session is provided, and Supported, this is not monitored and usually takes place in a communal room.
Good luck
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