[Solved] Mediation

Hi There,
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I'm honestly not sure on this hopefully someone else would be able to answer, I'm guessing that she wants to contest the residency and the first step of that is mediation, but if she lost custody pnly 8 months ago and things still aren't good when she has your grandchild then It seems she is on to a loser straight away.
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Hopefully others will be able to coment and give you some better advice.
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GTTS

Hi there

Does your son know what she wants mediation to sort out? If she wants to vary the order she would need to attempt mediation first. It may be that she wants more contact, or she may even be going for transferral of residence, if she is constantly telling the child she will be living back with her soon, that would make sense.

As your grandchild isn't under Children's Services anymore, they may not want to get involved unless there is a serious risk to the child from her mother, although you could argue that the emotional distress that is being caused is serious. Even if they don't feel it's a matter for them, you could call and discuss your concerns and ask for them to be logged.

If your son can afford it, it might be as well to attend the session, at least then he can also address his own concerns about the child's personal hygiene and the emotional distress the mother is causing. If the mother is on benefits, your son shouldn't have to pay for the first session. After that it's her choice if she wants to apply to court, it's extremely unlikely that she would get residence transferred, your child is settled and happy where she is.

As far as messaging you, your son could suggest that they use a communication book that goes with his daughter, both of them can write requests or make comment for the other parent and it would save you being stuck in the middle. Alternatively your son could buy a cheap mobile and give her that as a contact number, it would then be up to you and him when you wanted to check it and gives you back a little control.

All the best

Thank you, I believe the mother wants residency back of her daughter(which is fairly normal) but the reason we are in this situation in the 1st place is because of her.
She hasn't stated for what reason mediation, I don't think much can be changed regarding court order, she has her every other weekend and more in the holidays. its 100 mile round trip each time, so impossible to do more.
I very much doubt the courts would give her residency just because she wants her back!
The saddest thing is that she still believes that she's done nothing wrong and that everyone has made up lies!
The people who have always raised concerns to SS are her family.
Am very concerned for the childs mental wellbeing as whenever she speaks to mother on phone, her whole mannerism switches to doom and gloom as if it's how mother expects her to act. She also doesn't want to speak to her most of the time. Very unhealthy! Pick ups are hard too as always a drama, but fine once got up the road.

The contact book sounds like a good idea, i will mention that, thank you.
PS, the child seems very settled here, is loving school, has 100% attendance and has made lots of friends.

I do feel for you smallnanny, try not to worry about the little one, she is settled and happy and her mothers influence is minimal really.... both my grandchildren hate talking on the phone and will often refuse, so try not to put too much store by it....difficult I know.

All the best

Hi not posted for a couple of years, but looks like Granddaughters mother wants to go back to court for change of residency, My Son has received a letter again regarding mediation, and I believe she has got court papers to fill in.
Son has had custody of his daughter since June 2016. She's been thriving/doing well at school and they now have their own house with himself, his partner of 5 years and now have a new baby too, she has a little sister(complete family).
However, as Granddaughter is now 10 years old, her mum believes that it is up to the child who she lives with! She has been making the child keep a record of every single negative thing, like when told off etc, Like a diary.There are sections in the file, one for each of our family and Daddy etc stating every negative thing written by the child. The child has actually left that diary/folder at my house a few times on purpose for me to find(It says on front, "Do not look in this") Obviously I looked.. but never said I looked. When I said to her "you left your diary here" she said I don't need it.. as if a cry for help..
Her Mum is making her say that she wants to live with her.
I feel she is mentally messing the childs head up. and the child is being torn apart
My question is would the courts even entertain her request for variation, and does my son need to go to mediation(she wants him to go to mediation to agree to let the child live back with her,even though there is a court order already in place) I am so concerned for the childs mental health more than anything else. Don't know what to do over it

hi,

am not expert in this area. my eldest is 6 years old. i am about to make an application for variation, for increased nights/time. the mother can apply for variation. but what i read is that when the child is aged 12 and above, then childs wishes/feelings carry more weight and taken more seriously by court. she can try to change residency, but i doubt she will suceed at this stage. if cafcass see that she is manipulating the child, then the mother will fail.

I agree - even after age 12, there has to be a compelling reason for the court to change residency, namely safeguarding or welfare issues, which there obviously aren't in this case. She's obviously thriving, and a court would be reluctant to split up siblings. I don't think she really has any chance.

It is possible to ask your mediator to include your child's views in the mediation session. If you go down that route.

https://youtu.be/UKmwfC_p3h8

This is filmed with our local mediators but hopefully it would translate to whoever you use.

In my mediation , the session was without prejudice and the contents of the discussion was confidential and couldn’t be discussed in court so check your mediations terms and conditions . If so no ones view is to be discuss in court . Also at 6 the court won’t take their view into account. I was in court recent and they were not interested at all in the kids views as they were too your to be ascertained . That’s the key word . Wishes ascertained not expressed

hi thanks for info citydad,

as child is 6 and courts not interested in their wishes/desires, so all i should tell court is that i am seeking extra time/nights kids? would that look like i am being one-sided and only care about what i want?

Hi yes I think it’s oretty normal to have mid week and possibly overnight with the kids if you live local and the arrangements would be pratical. With all these things just go into court and say it’s in the best interest of your kids to see as much of both parents as they can and that you want to play as active and full a part of their upbringing as you can , you want to do what .”normal” father gets to do and have tea with your kids , do their home work eith them etc etc