[Solved] mediation

I'm new here too, but I want to try to answer to your question:

I'm my opinion if between you and your ex there is still be the chance to speak each other, move for the mediation it can be the best solution, overall: the cost for the mediation it depends from your annual income, in this sense they calculate in which range you are in, and from that let you know about

at the moment I don't have that tables with me, but I think that with a quick search you can find an example, too

the time that you have to spent after it, depends always from both parts, where the requests of each other have to find a compromise: this is the key to keep everything solved quicker, speak and be child focused before all the rest

if you have the idea that she have to pay for all the bad things that she did to you, that's not the best start at all and keep all the procedure just too long as necessary

I think that a quick search on the first page of the board can help to find some sheets about mediation and best practices too, if not, let me know and I'll try to found something for you

...

for what concern your request, as you can imagine, your child is only six month old, I don't think so there are all that chances that you can stay with him without her be involved too. in this sense, be smart and try to keep in your mind, always before all the rest, how much he is important for you

that will help you to go after all the rest and, when required, try to find a solution that, as well it will be not the best, it will be, anyway, a good start for keep you on a good track

good luck

Hi there,

You have made the first step in obtaining contact by considering mediation, and of course coming here for advice. Mediation is a madatory prerequisite before you can apply to court. Ideally you can sit down with your ex partner and come to come form of agreement without having to take matters to court. If your ex partner refuses mediation or you cannot reach a mutual agreement, then you can proceed to court.

Let me tell you now though, the court process can be long and arduous, and it causes a lot of conflict. Only go down that road as the absolute last resort, when you have no other option.

As for what you can expect if you did go to court, it will cost you £215 to make the application and you would get your first hearing around 4-5 weeks after applying. A typical straightforward case could be resolved within a year, and over 3-4 hearings.

In terms of contact, due to the age of the child, you would most likely start with some form of supervised contact at a contact centre. This is because you lack the necessary skills to have unsupervised contact and overnight contact right away. But you can learn these, so don't worry. Over a period of a few months in the contact centre, you will learn on the job how to change nappies, and how to feed your child, and how to interact with your child, all these kind of things. And when you have good experience of this, say after 3 to 6 months, the need for supervision will be lifted and you should be allowed to have your child at your home or perhaps out and about in the local community.

Overnight contact is usually only granted for young children when they arrive at the 18 month to 24 month mark, not really before this. But you are not ready for overnight contact yet.

Realistically you need to learn parenting skills, and learn them quickly. I feel you sound committed to this, so that is great. You could look into reading books aimed at fathers, or even getting on a parenting course to learn valuable skills. This will look good not only to the court, if you go that far, but to mother as well, who will see you taking your responsibility as a dad seriously.

You have come to right place in the quest to be a father to your child, so stick around and we will help where we can 🙂

Simon.

I am trying to get my ex to let me see my son during the week in the early evening, after work. She has said this is not possible as she does not want me in her property. Can a judge order her to do this?

I also wondered how likely it was to co parent or to get 50/50 or joint custody of my son. We currently live in West London and South London about an hour away from each other.

It would be very highly unusual for a judge to order a mother to allow the father into her home for contact to take place. So I would say no to that.

If you are going through court, getting 50/50 shared residence won't be something you could get overnight. From what you have described, and this is based on your admission of lack of experience with babies, plus your child being 6 months old, a judge wont order shared residency. Not yet.

You would have to work up to this as I explained in my last post. But it is possible with the right attitude and commitment to making it work.

Simon.

How long will it take before I could co parent or have it 50/50 or joint? At what age is this feasible. Also is it possible even though we live in different areas of London and my child would be in childcare or school in West London?

Also I do have a niece and friends have children will this help my case?

I would say that normally you are looking at 18 months old before you would be granted overnight stays if you go through the courts. The difficulty is, she and her solicitor would argue that you have no bond with your child, which really is true, because you separated at birth. So any starting point will be in a supervised setting to begin with to allow you both to bond together.

In terms of the practicality of it,at the appropriate age, if you had your child say from friday night through to sunday evening every other week, then you are only talking about arranging collection and dropoff, so it doesn't really matter that you live in another area of london - the distance isn't too great.

The fact that your friends have children probably counts for very little in the circumstances. Courts would be interested in your parenting ability, not that of your friends.

Is your ex partner open to discussing contact arrangements with you? It sounds like things are difficult when she won't allow you in her home to see the child.

What started these problems off in the first place? Why won't she let you see your child and allow the bonding process to begin?

Simon.

Will I have my son from Friday through to Sunday at 18 months or just one night. When is he approximate appropriate age?

I am trying to discuss contact but it is difficult at the moment. I am seeing my son but for a few hours a month, supervised in a mutual place. He is also breast fed and I don't know how long she will do that for. Can she breast feed until the baby is past 1?

It's up to her how long she breast feeds, but I would say it's unusual to do so for so long, and would certainly expect that it would only be supplementary, so could manage without breast milk for extended periods.