Lost my case - options ?

Hi,

Sorry to hear that. It is difficult to get 50/50. My barrister told me to forget about it. Court would not give it because I don't get along with ex and she refuses to communicate directly. So court view is that 50/50 would not rum smoothly.

I think you should leave it and not return to court. How old are your kids?

I agree with Bill, I'd leave the idea of 50/50. What you really need is a specific schedule of when contact takes place - did the court give you that? If so, if she persistently breaks that order, then you could go back to court for enforcement, though the courts do generally seem reluctant to penalise mothers who break the orders.

Agree with the above.

You can only appeal if you believe the court made an error in law, not because you didn't like their decision. It might be worth taking some legal advice on whether this is the case or not.

Probably best to make sure the current order works and if the mother breaches, then go for enforcement. This usually ends in a variation anyway but it's often enough to get the resident parent in line.

Thankyou very much for the replies.

I dont think they made an error in law.. They just focused on the "now" as opposed to the history prior to the ex receiving the court order.

If the court hearing had been weeks after the ex received the application, there is no question about who looked after our children more. I find it somewhat frustrating to see how the ex restricted access once the court document arrived, and this to be taken as the "norm" by the court.

In my initial application, i make it very clear that once the ex receives the application, she will reduce my access. I knew it would happen ( she told me that she would do this when we seperated ) but saw it as a short term issue, with a long term benefit ( my children )

She actually emailed me on the day she received the court application and stated that she would reduce access if i decided to proceed down "this route".

My ex is not a good mother IMO. She is also self employed, so i frequently sending our childen to other people so that she can work. There is no routine or stability in her life. Pre court order, she would always ask that i had our chidren, but now she refuses to allow me to see them apart from on my set days. To put into context, between the 28th May 2020 and 15th July 2020, my ex asked me to have our children an additional 14 occasions, on top of the then existing arragement ( roughly 50/50 ) . The court application letter arrived the week later, and she reduced access to 40/60 and has never asked me to have them again - This upsets our children, who are then shifted between her mother, sisters, affair partner etc, when they just want to be with their father.

I just cant believe that the court would allow somebody to restrict access to children, then take this restricted access as a precident for a ruling.

how old are your kids and what arrangements do you have?

9, 7 and 4.

The new arrangement ( via courts ) is

Week 1,
Tuesday, Wed, Friday (return at 10.30am sat )

Week 2
Tuesday, Friday, Saturday ( ie return at 6.30pm sunday )

My desired arrangement was also the Wednesday on Week 2 ( she works every Wednesday, so is not with the children anyway !!! )

That would give a split of nights each, over the 2 week rotation.

For some reason, the court deamed it "more routine" to have them with me every other Wednedsay, rather than every Wednesday ?

that's still a good arrangement. I have fri-mon every other week and mon-tue every other week. Will just wait for kids to get older and let them decide how much time they want to spend with their dad. let them vote with their feet.

Hi Bill,

I appriciate your comments.

It may be good compared to some of the poor deals other fathers get, but its not in the best interests of our children.

To put into context, prior to papers arriving, my eldest ( 8 at the time ) daughter stayed with me 6 nights a week between April 2020 and 19th July 2020...This was at my daughters request, as she would prefer to be with her father.

My ex is not the best of mothers. Her idea of parenting is to sit the children in from of the TV for 8 hours a day while she sits on her phone. This is the day to day norm in the life of our children when with the ex, and something my eldest frequently complains about.

My children love being with me, as i interact, play games, do things.

My eldest now spends the weekend when not with me at the ex's mothers house, and every Thursday.. ? Why - because like myself, the ex's mother interacts with her and actually does things with her.

My eldest has also googled herself, at what age she can choose a parent. She makes no secret of that fact that she wants to live with her father.

Its actually upsetting in some ways to see this, as i dont wish for her not to see her mother - Her mother is just too wrapped up in her own selfish ways to see how her style of parenting ( or lack of ) affects our children.

Hence, i will fight for our children. I cannot control how they are looked after when with the ex.. What i do know is that i can give them 100% love and attention for 50% of their time when with me.. and 40% vs 50% over a 10 year period is a lot of missed hours !