[Solved] Looking for guidance and input on likely outcome.

Many people start on this forum with the "likely outcome" question, me included and the truth is theres no such thing. There are standards people talk about such as a mid week overnight, every other weekend and shared holidays. I dont get that for example and there are zero safeguarding issues or drugs and whatnot.

There are people with drug histories/DV with 50/50, it can largley depend on the judge, opinions based in non committal law. Hence the desire to have parents agree, someone is always dissatisfied.

7pm can be getting on the late side despite the age, unless a bed time is late.

Nappy - borderline abusive if no special needs indicated.

siblings IS in best interest and it would work the other way.

moving 45 mins away isnt an issue imo, how many people travel 60+ for a commute.

Hi and welcome to the forum

It's not uncommon for a mother to stick resolutely to a court order and refuse to discuss a variation in-line with the child's progress. To apply for a variation of the order through court, you would first need to attempt mediation as this is now mandatory. If your ex refuses to attend or she attends and still won't agree, the mediator can stamp a C100 form for you to apply on.

In terms of a court decision, it's perfectly reasonable to ask for these times to be extended and your suggestions sound very sensible.

Overnight contact on a school night with a 45 min travel time would be up to the judge to decide if they can't get you to reach agreement. I've seen this distance be allowed and denied, there's no way of predicting what a judge would decide. You could ask the court to make an order in respect of sharing the travel as well, there's no guarantee of an outcome but it's becoming more commonly ordered.

Your concerns regarding nappies and the mother's mental health are valid and should be raised during proceedings if you get that far.

Good luck and keep posting, we will try to help 🙂

Just a quick update.

She had agreed to go to mediation after messing around and trying to tell them she couldn't attend for a month! She's unemployed and apart from my daughter she has no commitments.

Since mediation has started she has tried to make things as difficult for me as she can, she took my daughter away so I couldn't have my Wednesday contact although she will make the hours up at a mutually convenient time (when it suits her more like) giving me two weeks notice, is there a defined amount of notice?

Last week my daughter was sick in the night and she text me to tell me she was sick in the night, this was the night before my Wednesday contact and never said anything else.
I drove 30 miles to her school with my two younger children (both under 2) to pick my daughter up from school, she was absent due to sickness.
I text the ex and she said I should have known that she wouldn't be going to school as she can't go to school until 24 hours after sickness. I drove round to their house to pick her up and text her when I was outside, she said I couldn't have her that day because she was sick and I should have known that from the text I got last night.

Today I text her saying she would now owe me 7 hours (3.5 from when she took her away and 3.5 from when she was sick) she claims she doesn't have to make up the hours due to illness, opinions on this?

She also sent me a text today with a copy a letter from the school which states my daughter will be going to dance class every Wednesday 3-4pm.
As my contact is 3-6:30 she states she would make up the extra on a Saturday.
I would have 2.5 hours to pick her up and drive her across town to my mums in rush hour traffic as well as try and give her a healthy balanced meal.

Any opinions or just some moral support?
I keep telling myself she's doing this because she's running scared.

To be honest, keeping a track down to the hour isn't going to achieve much, but keep a diary if you do have to go back to court to show a general pattern of not sticking to the order

Hi there

It does seem like she is trying to make things difficult for you, she's probably annoyed that you are forcing the issue of increasing contact, as she refused your suggestions.

There isn't a defined amount of notice unless its specified in the order. However flexibility is something that should be taken on board by both parents as a child gets older and they get involved in clubs and other activities. Any reasonable parent would offer alternative arrangements straightaway, whether it be because of sickness or any other reason. It's every child's right to have their level of contact with the non resident parent maintained and increased as they get older, if that suited.

Did you respond to the reduction to your Wednesday contact and point out the problems that would occur, if there are traffic problems and the fact that after the travelling time id taken out of the equation there's not much time left for you both to have any quality time together. Would it be possible for you to. Move it to another day in the week?

As actd suggested, keep a diary of events and continue to request that the time is made up, pointing out that its your child's right to see you and be able to rely on the time she gets to spend with you and her brothers.

Best of luck

Thanks for the posts everyone and the advice has been taken on board.

I have a lot to update you on.
We went to mediation and had a joint appointment, I brought it up about me taking my daughter back on a Sunday and it was agreed that I would drop her back later on a weekend.
She has since refused anymore mediation, I wasn't really given an explaination why but I'm guessing it's because her mum (my daughters grandma) can't be present and pull the string.

So I applied to the court and we have a court date in may. I am going to represent myself but I worry that she will try and manipulate the court to have her mother speak for her, would this be something the court would allow? I know she can have a mckenzie friend but their role is limited to taking notes and not being able to speak to the court isn't it?
I would also like to know if it's allowed for a solicitor that previously represented me on the first order would be allowed to represent her for this case?

just before Christmas my daughter was having trouble with her eyesight.
When I found out about it and asked her why her mum hasn't taken her to the opticians and was informed from my daughter it was because town was too busy? As you can understand I wasn't happy about it and it took nearly a month for her to get her new glasses.
Also at school last parents evening the teacher brought up the fact her attendance was under the allowed average but teacher wasn't worried because my daughter is excelling fine academically! I'm worried though as she could be doing even better if she attended.

Any advice on what I should be bringing up at court? I'm starting to take notes so I have the information in front of me on paper.

Thanks for all the help so far and for keeping me sane.

Unless her mother is a lawyer, then I'm pretty sure that she can't speak for your ex.

Ive just spoken to cafcass and I must say I am very disappointed.
Issues brought up that happened in 2003-2004 and they're going to do a enhanced check on me and also a section 7! I did add that her uncle on her mothers side is paedophile and due to get out.

Just seemed like she was all for the mother and not impartial at all! I asked her why none of these issues where raised at the last case in 2012 and why they're an issue now, why didn't she take it back to court, "because she was happy with the current order"

This is going to be a rough ride! I'm pretty sure cafcass probably spoke to the ex's mum and not the ex but can't prove this.

Hello Villarkita,

I personally know of a judge who was very astute in assessing a controlling mother who used sickness to deny contact with the father. He stipulated that the child was to go to the father on the days stated in the court order even if the child was unwell. Added to this he stated that the parents should share the travelling and meet at a specific halfway point of the journey for changeovers.

With regard to wearing a nappy at 9 years of age, I consider this to be totally unacceptable and I believe the court should be made aware of this as, in my opinion, it reflects badly on the mother.

Addition:- It would be most unethical for a solicitor who acted initially for you to then act for your Ex. I believe there could be repercussions from the Law Society if that happened.

I wouldn't worry too much at this stage, I think you can make the point that the issues that have been bought up happened 14 years ago and therefore have no bearing today....coupled with the fact , that as you say, these were not felt to be an issue during the last court case five ŷears ago and shouldn't therefore be relevant now.

Try not to get bogged down with [censored] for tat, keep your child's needs central to the case you present...as MotherofaFather says, most judges are astute enough and should keep your case on track.

It would be a good idea to prepare a brief position statement to take with you to the hearing, just a couple of pages outlining the situation, your concerns and what you would like the court to do.

All the best

Thank you for your replies, it's nice to be able to get other opinions.
I should get my report on Wednesday and I'll come back and maybe you could help me disect it and how I should proceed.

Do you think cafcass will try and restrict my access while they proceed with the s7?

Thanks