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In a nutshell after snatching my son some years back during an unsupervised visit, my Ex refused to turn up at several court hearings and broke every court order given until when she was finally forced to attend in 2009, the judge decided my son had been living there so long it would be disruptive to remove him. So he remained in a chaotic and unstable household, with his schooling and behaviour going downhill steadily until now his Mum suddenly agrees that he'd be better living with me, as she can't handle the hassle. He's 11, but still sometimes wets himself or the bed, reads and writes like a 6-7yr old and is very troubled; constantly misbehaving and being excluded from school etc. She's moved house 3 times in the past 4 years and broken every court ruling made with regard to meeting me halfway, so I'm forced to drive back & forth constantly to collect and drop off my son over an hours drive away.
Now she's had another baby recently and can't cope, she's suddenly agreed he can live with me. - Should I be taking a solicitors letter for her to sign? Or am I Ok just collecting him at the risk of her changing her mind in a few days and accusing me of snatching him? I'm loathe to pay solicitors for an official letter which I know my Ex will simply tear up and throw away. At least if it's one I've drafted, it hasn't cost me an arm and a leg if she throws it back in my face.
I'm wondering whether to just wing it and collect him, knowing that in July when he turns 12, he has the right to stay with me if he prefers and not be forced back to live with her when she decides she wants him back, once I've straightened out all his issues.
I'll be on tenterhooks any time she visits knowing she'll probably notice his better behaviour and simply snatch him back again.
ANY ADVICE GREATLY APPRECIATED!
Thank you
Hi there
From what you say there is a court order already in place, this will mean that the mother has been named as the resident parent, this could prove problematic for you if she wants him back.
Ask her to write a letter (or write one yourself for her to sign) stating that she has given over residency of your son to you, whilst this isn't legally binding it will be helpful to show her mind set. I would then advise that you apply for an urgent Prohibited Steps Order to prevent her from taking him back. Because it is an urgent order you do not have to attend mediation first and if she remains true to form she may well not bother attending anyway.
Get him registered at school and with your GP and it might be helpful to discuss his development and problems with the new school and see if you can get extra help for him. It might be a good idea to contact your local Social Services and discuss it with them... It always helps to get the situation documented when going through the court process.
Even at 11 his wishes and feelings will be listened too and should carry some wait if a report is ordered and his wishes sought...in fact it might be best to request a wishes and feelings report when you attend court.
Best of luck
I would also consider anonymously making sure that the Children's Services are aware of the conditions that the new baby will be living in - partly for his/her protection, and partly because if social services are involved, then it may strengthen your case that she can't cope. You will have to weigh up this option carefully, just in case it backfires.
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