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Hi all,
I have wrote a recent post about how earlier this year, 2 seperate girls announced to me that they had a child within 3 or so months of each other & that they were both mine. These were both off the back of a one night stand.
Both girls initially told me they couldn't get pregnant & then they both announced they was pregnant. At the time I made a decision which I regret in that I hid my head in the sand and attempted to ignore it/them. Someone from mum 1s side got in touch & off the back of that, I slowly integrated my self into the baby boys life to the point where I take him out & he stays over. Me & his mum get on well & I pay her an amount privately into her account for the boy.
Mum 2 got in touch with me via the Child maintenance service. I spoke to her & met her to see the baby girl & explained that the girl has a brother which she probably didn't expect. After a couple of meetings & text conversations she cancelled the CMS application so i thought a bridge would be built. When i met her one time, she told me that she is in anger stage because I didnt stick with her during the pregnancy & ignore her which I regret. I asked her if she would ever want to get to the point of accepting things as they are and she said ...'I'm not sure' which really stuck with me because if she doesn't ever want to except things as they are then life is going to be more complicated than it already is.
I also made her aware that I am now seeing a new girl who has her own child & doesn't want any more kids. I have been with this girl 6 months and it will be long term for sure as she has been super supportive!! Mum 2 said she will never let the baby girl meet my partner until we are married which i think is ridiculous considering she has previously been married, & doesn't want to go down that route again & that it'll mean that the child wouldn't ever get to come to mine say if we moved in together.
I emailed her a proposal to how much I feel like I could afford to speak to her which she declined & asked for 3 times more. I declined this & off the back of that she has put in another CMS application. I spoke to them & they said that they are going to take £xxx off of me based on last years income which took into account much more overtime compared to this year. Because I won't be getting any where near as much overtime due to less availability, I will be potentially financially stressed over this. This will stop me buying a bigger house to allow me to have a bedroom each for the kids as I currently live in a 1 and half bedroom house. I feel how the CMS have worked this out is unfair. I am accepting I will pay something to her but the amount they are saying is too high & the mum won't accept the family based arrangement.
She is currently forcing issues in my life now for example, she doesn't want me to put pictures on any social media and she is demanding that I add her to my social media list which I refuse to do as I don't want her knowing what I do & what I put on it, using her fiesty behaviour towards me (she is Latvian who met me 2 months after she moved to the UK & they are known to be to be fiesty I've been told)
I am normally a positive person looking at the best in things but she is really getting me down now and X-mas was supposed to be the good will season so before I go down that route of becoming deperessed, I would like to get some sort of support, guidance & know how on helping with the financial strain, knowing if the CMS are screwing me over and maybe legal side of things to stop mum 2 from being dare I say a bunny boiler and allow me to see my kids and have a life with my partner.
If anyone would like to know any more info then I am an open book with nothing to hide as hiding info I know isn't the best thing to do. So yeah, if anyone can help me then I would appreciate it immensely
Thank you for reading
Crumbs that's a complicated one! So in a nutshell you're all good with your current girlfriend and mum no1 but the issue you have is with mum no2?
Crumbs indeed!! But yeah that's correct
Hi, I appreciate it's the holiday period and there may not be as many replies but I haven't heard anything in a while so I was just messaging now to give a gentle nudge to anyone to hopefully guide me 🙂
Hi There,
.
This is a really tough one, as you say things are ok with Mum 1, which is great, it's Mum 2 which is going to be trouble, if she has opened a case with CMS and they have set an amount then you will need to pay that, I think that you can ask for an assement to be re calculated if your income has changed by more than 25% (I belive that's the right percentage) It doesn't seem fair that they have set the amount on last years income if it is quite changable.
.
I'm not too savy on CMS so can't really advise you there.
.
With regards to contact of baby 2, then you do have rights, you can go through mediation and then court if that doesn't work and a judge would help you to achieve a child arrangement order, the mother isn't able to restrict contact depending on who you will see (your partner for example) unless there would be a risk of harm coming to your child, which clearly there wouldn't be.
.
You have to try mediation before court as the courts won't accept an application unless signed by a mediator to show you have at least tried that route first.
.
GTTS
The CMS should also take into account the family based arrangement you have with Mum 1 when they make their calculations, and GTTS is right that if there is a difference of 25% you can ask them for a variation.
Here's a link to the mediation service
www.nfm.org.uk
All,the best
I would be inclined to speak to mum 1 to say what's happening and open a case yourself with the CMS for this, that way they will assess properly both cases on equal merits - I suspect it will be 12% of your gross income split equally between the two of them, but not 100% on that. Of course, you can then choose to pay more to either/both as you wish.
Thank you all for replying.
To give you a roundish example, the CMS said I got an income of around £24700 ish last year. My Basic is around £20100 approx and the reason why there is a different is because I did a looot more overtime last year due to lack of headcount (I work in a call center) now there is full head count, not as much overtime is needed but this isn't within the 25% bracket so they won't change the amount. £4k a year drop is a lot!!
It's not that I don't want to pay maintenance, I just think that they not taking into account peoples individual circumstances fairly especially as I feel honey trapped as both mums told me they couldn't get pregnant so I was safe from having children with them so I feel like I am now backed in a corner which is one of the reasons why I am getting mentally about this,
Because of this, I wondered if there is any advice on who to speak to financially, mentally & legally.
As for mediation, I don't want to make it all about costs but isn't there a hefty fee for mediation? I appreciate it'll be less than court but all being well, I wouldn't want to go down any of those routes if it can be helped.
Mediation can be expensive, but it is required that you attempt it before you can apply to court. Legal aid is still available for mediation, but I'm not sure you'd qualify, but worth finding out.
Of course, if you can avoid both, then that's preferable, but that does require that you and the mothers can come to an agreement on your own.
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