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My ex-girlfriend and I have been separated for 2 years. We have a smashing daughter just over the age of 2.
Up until the beginning of this year I have had regular contact with my daughter (once a week for a few hours). We both lived in the South West but recently my daughter's mother has decided to move over 4 and a half hours away to the North East of the country with her new partner of only 6 months. Naturally, I wasn't pleased about the thought of my daughter living with someone she barely knew and living so far away. Furthermore, to this day I have still not been given her residential address despite numerous times of asking; I am not aware of any legitimate reason for this information being withheld.
In our first few chats, we agreed that continuing the contact once a week wouldn't be practical and so agreed that I would be able to see her twice a month (once a fortnight). Since that chat we had further discussion about finances and paying support. I have always been happy to contribute and generally prefer to give more than the CMS stated minimum, however, she didn't agree with the amount of which I had worked out I could afford (I am in a reasonably paid job). She then used this as leverage in contact - I could only afford a certain amount therefore she could only afford to bring my daughter to see me once a month (we meet halfway). As I was previously unwilling to involve a third party - namely the courts due to cost - I conceded.
Since this discussion I have received a text asking for more money as this month's nursery bill was higher - I reminded her that my budgets were tight and I couldn't stretch that far on a whim. I fear that this will lead her to further reduce contact with my daughter and so I feel the time has come to suck up the cost and bring the decision making to the courts.
I have also been told by my daughter's mother that I would not be able to see her in April and that the next time would be early May. The last time I had my daughter over was midway through March. It feels like I have no control over my rights as a father.
She has recently said that (after it already being two months since I have last seen my daughter) she will not be able to meet me halfway and that I HAVE to drive the 9 hour round trip twice on the weekend I was supposed to see her. If I didn't then I wouldn't get to see my daughter.
This all stemmed from her requesting more money, myself refusing, and thus "putting her out of pocket" and not being able to afford the journey. I have also offered her the fuel cost yet she still refuses to bend.. What I am to do?
I have looked in to solicitor fees and decided that they are a long way out of my budget and so have decided to self represent. Does anyone have any experience of this or advice?
Is there any advice that would help her see how contact with my daughter should be in my daughter's best interests and not what suits her?
What can I expect to get as a minimum amount of contact?
Thank you in advance
Hi and welcome.
There are plenty of people on here who have self represented, so you're not alone in this, but have you tried mediation yet? It is something that is expected by the courts, and I think even more so after the very recent changes - www.nfm.org.uk
If you can't agree to contact at mediation, then court is the next way to go - take a look at the sticky topics at the top of the legal eagle section on representing yourself, and also the family law changes that have just happened.
It's difficult to know what will happen in court, but I can't say that what you are asking for is unreasonable, though your ex travelling half way is something the courts rarely seem to expect - and in practice, it is difficult to enforce. I have done 6 hour round trips in the past every 2 weeks, and that was pretty exhausting, so a 9 hour round trip is really going to take it out of you. Personally, in your situation, I would consider contact once a month, but stay in a hotel while you are up there so you can have a full weekend - it will cost you no more, I would guess, will give you a break in the travelling and will give you better quality time with your daughter. In addition, essential costs for maintaining contact with your daughter are taken into account, so it might reduce your maintenance slightly.
Finally, I would go through the CMS for maintenance - that sets the level of maintenance, and you are not required to pay any additional amount - your ex should not be restricting contact based on the fact that you won't give her extra money, that's something a court will not be pleased with - keep a diary of all conversations, texts, emails, contact etc - it may be useful if you do go to court.
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