[Solved] Just when I was thinking all was going well…..

I'd give the court a ring and ask them (though I'm sure some others on here know the answer) - especially about it being listed with the same judge.

Hi dad-i-d

I think you have been more than patient and contact has been in place for long enough for you to be able to progress the amount of time you share with your son. The court order you have states that there is an expectation that contact should progress and this hasn't happened.

If contact is withheld this weekend then you could go ahead and apply for enforcement, that way you wouldn't need to attend mediation first. As well as the breaches of contact you could also include the fact that there has been no progression of contact as per the existing order either. As you know that would be form C79 which I believe is £90.

If you would rather go for a variation of the order for more defined contact then you would need to attend mediation first. If she refuses to attend or mediation isn't successful then the mediator will sign of the C100 application form for a Child Arrangements Order for variation of contact. Mediation cost vary widely but the court fee for submitting a C100 form is £215.

As far as requesting the same judge, that is possible and I would write a letter to the judge personally with your request and submit it with the application. It's always better to take you application into the court as if there are any mistakes you can correct them there and then to avoid further delay.

I seem to remember that you also provided a brief position statement last time and this might be helpful to do the same again.

Good luck.

The part that bothers me is that the Order I have is an enforced order with penalties attached – i.e. she breaks it I can apply to have her committed to prison.
The problem is its only “the expectation of the court” that contact should increase from the ordered to the full weekends and weeks etc… and these are what can be agreed between the two of us….obviously I want more time in line with what is fair and right for our son but she won’t agree. So obviously she hasn’t broken the order of the court only won’t agree to the expectations in the court order.

If I go for a variation do I really have to have tried mediation when we did that before starting down this route back in 2010 and 2011?
What I mean by that is that the order I have was enforced back in 2013 and is current. The only person who seems to be able to get through the ex was the Judge when he told her she faces a 3mth spell in prison if she breaks the enforced order.

Hi Dad-id

Similar story but ours is more recent..we went the other route we didn't apply for variation we applied for Enforcement and they re wrote the Child arrangement order then..Ours is a Programme in which all Dates and times are set out..right up to when shared care starts..Mind 3 weeks in and we are looking for Committal already.

Why does it bother you that there's a penal order attached? Is it because you don't want to see her go to prison? ...I must admit it would bother me too, but only because of the impact on your son and any other children she may have. It would mean that you would most likely get residence, that may be something you would like to happen, but maybe not.

Regardless of the fact that its only the expectation of the court and there was nothing defined, the fact is she isn't willing to progress it at all and it's been over a year. The court gave her the opportunity to start towing the line, the courts like to encourage parents to start working together for the good of the child and I think due to the very real warning of a custodial sentence the judge may have thought this was sufficient enough to get her to start behaving! I do think they would take a dim view of her continued unreasonable behaviour.

Unfortunately mediation is a must before an application for a variation, because of the time elapsed since your last mediation sessions, there are exceptions for cases where there is DV, or urgent applications where there is risk to the child. It could be that she will refuse to attend anyway, in which case the forms would be signed off to allow you to proceed.

I guess you could try and get a hearing without mediation by citing on the application that her implacable hostility is as a barrier to mediation.

Or you could write to the judge that made the last order and ask for his guidance on how to proceed as you are worried about applying for enforcement because of the implications etc...

Hey DID,

sorry to hear about this. Objectively I would say you would need to put a seperate application and this will involve mediation to demonstrate reasonableness. The agreement between the two of you was left wooly. Given she is not being reasonable progress matters and in the grander scale of things since court you have only had you little one 3 nights which is unacceptable.

I forget your sons age - but I believe he is approaching if not school age which would be entirely reasonable to have progressed to alternate weekends. You should in fact be able to enjoy extended weekends (fri-mon) so you can plan trips aways etc and you enjoy family time.

Put mediation in, see what shell do. No court is going to enforce the prison sentence, and hope that one day she may see more sense. You deserve to enjoy quality time as a father including regular overnight stays.

Thanks for the messages guys and girls .......Its been a few weeks since i’ve updated my situation so heres the latest 🙂

I decided on sending a letter to the ex…..outlining the need for contact to increase in line with the courts expectations over and above what is ordered.
I asked for 4pm Friday to 4pm Sunday alternating weekends (fortnightly) with the rationale that she can then plan her weekends as can I for when we have or don’t have our son with us.
Makes sense to me to do it this way as does it most people…..at our son can see where he is and what he’s doing one weekend to the next.

So this weekend just gone I got him from Saturday morning until 4pm Sunday…..on dropping him back off I got a letter handed me and saying that she agrees and we can start alternate weekends. Ok great………however she’s only letting it be as we have just had (Saturday 10am to Sunday 4pm) not what I’d asked for but much better than her refusing.

So I’m going to leave it like this now until after Christmas and see how that goes…..then approach the new year with wanting it to increase again to the full alternating weekends and school splitting the holiday time more fairly for us.

I’ll keep popping in to the site to see where I can offer my advice from my experiences.

🙂

Thanks for the update. It sounds like a good start, and hopefully your ex will see the benefits and eventually agree to more time.

...thanks Dad-i-d, it's progress, sure it's not what you asked for but it is an improvement and as you say you can chip away at it in the new year...I think she's probably mindful of the last court experience and the penal notice. I'm sure you'll get there in the end!