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@Vik2001 @bill337 @everyone Just a update..
so we went with the S7 report in court which stated for me have video contact with my kids facilitated by the my ex and at a supervised cafcass icfa contact centre where they monitor our sessions and pass the information to court. our final hearing is next march .(if it doesnt get delayed again)..
So last wednesday was the first time i saw my son (7 years) and daughter (2 years) via video call after 18 months (due to endless accusations and court delays) wasn't sure what to accept from my son as i know my ex had been coaching him and telling him things. to my surprise he was still the same, first he was hiding his face behind the tablet but then started engaging and noddling, smilling, showing me his teeth thats fallen, running around to find his toys to show me etc. i could tell he was happy to see me. my ex kept of pausing the video and as u can he started talk she would pause then cutting the line. then calls back and now he doesnt talk. i was still pleased with the progress after 18months.
Now to Saturdays Video call (3 days later) his completely changed and wont speak to me at all on the video. every time i ask a question he keeps looking my his mum and around the room. then i can hear my ex telling him, my sons a good boy, go on ask..but speak once only
and he says he needs to ask me something..i asked whats that son.. he asks me why did u hit my mum? i stayed calm and said that didn't happen son and i was sorry about argument we had etc. i could tell it was hard for him to ask he kept looking aroun. his body looked stiff, no smiles and as if his been put under pressure. Again my ex would keep cutting/ pausing the call 4 times in 30mins. he was completely different to 3 days ago. also realised on call she had her family around on the 2nd call, and i believe they were also involved in pressuring my son.
My EX is definitely coaching my son and trying parental alienation. I have recorded the video calls as we agreed that on the court order, which clearly shows whats i described above. im thinking if i should raise this with the cafcass rep now, or what to do?
the centre visits should start soon, but she already told the centre reps that my son is reluctant to see me. so worried about how the centre contacts will go. my 2 year old is too yough for coaching and i understand i will need to build a relationship with again.
@jabilm60 the contact centre reports will help you, make sure they are recorded\logged and supervised. it will cost you extra for the service. But this will help immensley show the judge how you are with yr kids in your hearing. the superviser will write it down and give you weekly reports, you can then submit this in evidence for the judge to see how you interact with kids. They helped me for sure, and the judge said she had no concerns about my relationship with the kids.
yr son maybe hesitant with you at first, but slowly he will engage with you. use the time to be thoughtful, understanding and warm towards him. they will make notes of all this and everything you all do, positive and negative.
@Vik2001 @everyone - so had my first centre supervised visit. my son (7 year old) came in i hugged and kissed him. but i can tell his mum has heavily coached him as he wouldnt speak a lot and after 10 minutes he said he wants to leave. we had a brief conversation about school and christmas lunch etc.
the centre staff has told my ex that if he doesn't want to be there he can just ask to leave, so since shes told her that my son keeps saying he wants to leave after few mins into our contact (we have also had 4 video contacts - which my ex is initiating from home).
i have her on video (recorded) stating to my son to only speak once on the call and cutting the call when he speaks (on the home video calls). I have told cafcass about this.. but the cafcass women just said if the centre staff see any signs of parental alienation they will note it down, but my ex is not coming in the room yet she is coaching him before he comes to the centre. ive tried to show the videos to the centre staff but they are not interesting in looking at anything else but whats happening in front of them. My EX has really taking advantage of the system,
would be grateful for some help or ideas on what i can do? BTW even though my son left the room, my 2 year daughter stayed and we had a great time. Im really worried about my son.
hi,
I think if mother is coaching and putting words into childs mouth then thats disgraceful. I think you should report all of this to Cafcass and let them decide on next steps.
@bill337 @Vik2001 - thanks for your comments. the contact centre sessions will be supervised and as you say they will make note of how the sessions are going.
i think what I am most worried about is the fact she is clearly coaching my son on the 2 video calls I have had. she has already made him say things to cafcass which is untrue, so worried about how and what he will say when I have contact with him in the centre. the centre staff have already explained that if he refuses to talk or doesn't want to be there they cannot force him, but I'm worried that he will be made to say this by my ex, even though she wont be in the room when the contact is taking place. I'm thinking about sending the videos to cafcass to highlight what she has been doing as well.
Give it time he may open up. Take some toys or something thst will help him engage with u.
If nothing improves u will have to tell cafcass and yr barrister this.
Give it time and be patient, think of short and fun activities you can do with him there at first, he needs to learn that spending time with you is fun and rewarding and he'll want to spend longer each time.
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