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Hi guys, I am desperate for help and advice, I separated from my ex wife over a year ago. I have 4 children with her (1 is a step child who I brought up from a small age). She has moved on with her life so have I. The problem is I work full time and have had little contact with the children over the last year due to work commitments and basically by sofa surfing so on my days off I've taken them out for the day. During this last year I have had no end of verbal abuse basically saying how much of a pathetic dad I am and have been. I have paid csa from day 1. I have finally sorted my life out with a flat and having the children every other weekend fri to the sun however she tries to demand that I have the children as and when it suits her I. E one of the children is playing up I will be bringing him to yours or your work place I went to a solicitor who advised just don't answer the door if she comes or go out and tell her I'm not there. I don't want any communication with her as it's always verbally abuse I get via call or txt. Now I love my children but she thinks she can just pass them on to me whenever it suits her. I have explained I don't mind having them every other weekend due to work but she cannot accept this. She keeps thinking I should put my kids before work. I am in trouble with work due to me dropping shifts at her beck and call. I thought when I finally had a place and had them regularly she would lay off but nope if something doesn't go her way all [censored] breaks loose and im the bad guy again. Now a new problem she asked if I would have them for the week and obviously I said yes I asked her the dates so I could book off on annual leave she txt me a date in the summer holidays for 7 nights it was a struggle to get these dates of as I'm not the only parent who needs time off during the holidays, originally I was told no to the dates but managed to swap ect now she has decided to say it was 10 nights I can't get this amount of time off work I told her this all [censored] broke loose again and me the bad guy she says I will have the kids but she won't be there till the 10th day when I can only get 7 days. She has never worked in her life and thinks my kids should come before work I have tried explaining no work = no money, no money = no flat, no flat = homelessness and no kids. She just does not care as long as she gets her way. Any advice is much appreciated
Hi There,
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I think if you have the children for the agreed 7 days the chances are even if she says she will return is that she won't, I would look to see if any family could look after them while you work and then you have them either side of your shift.
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I guess depending on what shifts you are on, there maybe some clubs of child care options available too, lots of places offer childcare style clubs during the summer holidays it could be worth contacting your local council to see if they have any clubs running.
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GTTS
I have no practical advice. I feel for you. She sounds like an absolute bunny boiler.
Losing your job is a serious matter with far reaching repercussions for you and your kids, as you point out. There's nothing to stop her agreeing to the 7 days and then just not arriving back for 10... There's nothing you can do to stop this other than refuse to have your kids for the 7/10 days in question. It might be the shock she needs to realise that she can't just walk roughshod over you. It's tough because the kids are caught in the middle of this but if you don't make a stand then her behaviour is set to continue on for the foreseeable future. Tough choices to be made I'm afraid.
All the best
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