[Solved] Is this the beginning of the end???

Hi dads,

I don't even know where to begin I am so awash with emotion right now :boohoo:

I haven't seen my 5 nearly 6 year old boy since february last year when he was 4. In that time (from what I can work out) his mum has started a new relationship, moved this new guy in, got my son calling him 'daddy', told my son that I'm not his daddy and more recently got pregnant and finally remarried. Now I wouldn't care less about all those things, apart from the daddy thing obviously, but I have a really bad feeling that this is going to further hinder my chances of re-establishing contact with my boy. :boohoo:

Late 2009 my ex's mum told me "I don't like you and we're going to cut you out of C*'s life completely one day!" or words very close to that effect and boy she wasn't kidding. Things have gone very much downhill since she made that statement and it has clearly resulted in me being unable to have a much desired relationship with my little boy.

Again it's one of those situations where she cheated on me, she left me, so why all the hate and resentment towards me? As far as I can tell apart from breathing I've done nothing wrong to her. Even after we split (mid 2007) I still looked after her financially for quite a while, yes her as well as our son and I also saw him every day (until she moved to a different county). But that still wasn't enough for her and just before Christmas 2009 I found out she had been stealing from me and had emptied my bank account! I felt so low at that point I nearly ended my relationship with my then partner, who is now my wife, because I felt so worthless.

Throughout 2010 I saw less and less of my boy, for his 4th birthday ex organised a party I was working that day and asked if she could move it to another day to accommodate that fact, I'm sure you can guess what the answer was! Yep that's it, "I'm not changing my plans for you, why should I change my plans to suit you?". I must point out it was a gathering in her garden (not like she hired a venue and would have to go to great trouble to rearrange) with people who only work on weekdays attending and she wouldn't have been solely changing the plans to suit me it would've been so our son got to have the both of us there. The back story is I was moving shortly and had no AL days left, hence me asking her to change the date. I was to pay for the cake and half towards the bouncy castle. My partner was invited along with her son, she had her 4yr old niece staying with us because her [niece] mum was on holiday so I asked if we could bring her along too, reply : "NO! I've said ** &***** can come she can't bring the niece!". So that put paid to that. I hadn't felt comfortable about going all along as it was going to be all her family and friends there (I've experienced humiliation on more than one occasion in these circumstances before), I would be there on my own and I would've had to take unpaid leave - which was not a wise move considering I was not far off my moving date. So I told her in the end that I wouldn't be able to make it. I paid for the cake and she said forget about the money for the bouncy castle. I spent the day with him a few days later on or the day after his actual birthday. That was the last time I saw him before I saw him last Feb, I asked her about Christmas that year and that's when the solicitor letters started and she also stated that all contact directly from her would be via email from then on. In any correspondence, either from her or her solicitor, she has always maintained she gives her full support to me having a relationship with my boy, whilst being as obstructive as she could be - even to the point of suggesting times and regimes she knew I would be unable to stick to because of work commitments.

So we went through the solicitor letters, emails, etc, last year until July when I was told I could have regular phone contact, there was alot of messing about when it came to this, calls being unanswered, me being introduced to him (on the phone) by name as opposed to daddy/dad, son not wanting to speak to me when calls were answered and also the killer "You're not my daddy anymore I've got a new daddy." :boohoo: Unfortunately I let my guard slip and didn't keep a log of calls, or continue emails (as I had the phone contact) etc, I did however keep texts but, if it was gonna happen to anyone it was gonna happen to me - my phone has erased them!! It still has the record that there was a text conversation, it just doesn't show the actual text!!! 😮 😡 I remember one particular conversation I had with my son when I asked him how he was doing at school, I got a very angry and abrupt answer of "Don't talk to me about school". At the time I thought not too much more about it and thought it was quite a normal, if not nice, reaction to school sometimes. I later came to realise that he'd obviously been told by mum not to say anything about school for her fear of him revealing that she'd actually moved him to a new school. I sent her a text (that my phone deleted) asking her why she hated me so much that she wanted to turn our son against me and if she didn't want me in his life then perhaps she should tell him that instead of that I'm no longer his daddy, etc, to which she replied to along the lines that I was immature and needed to grow up and not to use her number for contact until I apologised. I'm not sure what other number she expected me to contact my son on?! I tried to call on three occasions at the specified time after that, two went unanswered and the third notified me that the number had been changed. That was the beginning of December. I sent her an email the same day to which I got no reply. Another Christmas missed out of my boy's life 🙁 , she didn't collect his gift from the P.O. that was there because I sent it tracked and she obviously wasn't in to sign for it - I stupidly wrote his name with her as a c/o rather than writing her name, I believe this alerted her to the fact that it was from me, hence no collection. I then sent her an email in April (after giving her all that time to calm down) asking if I could see my son, to my surprise she replied asking when I wanted to see him. I replied 19 May and heard nothing from her so sent another email reminding her that it was still unresolved and asked was that date okay. She then sent me an email saying she had changed her number because I was verbally abusive to her at Christmas, that because it was clear my animosity towards her was growing and she felt bullied and harrassed, her health and wellbeing being affected yadda yadda yadda, she was in the process of arranging a visit through a contact centre. I asked her could she keep me informed of how this was progressing because I really didn't believe she was doing it and this was just another stall tactic, she replied with the contact centre details and told me basically to do it myself. Oh get this though, she's still insisting that she wants me and my son to have a relationship!! So anyway I did get in touch with the contact centre and spoke to them about self referrals generally getting the feel of things, HOW MUCH??? I'm sorry but I thought if I have to see him through a contact centre then let a court order it because I truly believe that she'd mess me around with bringing him and I would've wasted all that time and money, whilst all the time she's stringing me along so she can wait out the time until all her plans come together. In the end it transpired that the date I asked for 19 May, she ended up sending him to her mother's - coincidence?? I don't think so, just her making sure he wasn't around if I turned up!

I went down there on 23 May and please I don't need the lecture on how this was not a wise move and it could've ended badly I really do know all of that, I knew it at the time and was prepared for what might happen, plus I was checking he still lived there because of the whole present not being collected and school change situations. So anyway, 23 May knocked on the door. She sure did not act the way you would expect a person who felt so threatened, etc etc, to act. She didn't call the police, why? Because she knew I wasn't doing anything wrong. She started spouting all this nonsense that actually had nothing to do with my son or why I was there, which was to see my son. I remained calm and gave her partner the gift I had got him [son] for Christmas and his Easter egg. She ended up slamming the door in my face and I went to sit in my car to wait for a glimpse of my son. Her partner went off to get him, came back and when he saw me still sitting in the car wheelspun off, I left a minute or so after. I later found out that my little boy had been rushed round to my ex's cousin's house where he was kept until they were sure I was no longer around. I sent her an email the following day asking her to attend mediation and giving her a seven day window to respond - no reply. So a week later I sent my C100 to her local court, that was two weeks ago.

So that's where we're at now. I was feeling nervous and unsure but still positive that I could get what I've always wanted out of this and that was for me to be allowed back into my son's life and eventually for him to come and visit with me, my wife and step-son. I now fear that this won't be possible after all her latest stunts. I feel she may try to use the old 'I was abusive to her' chestnut in court, she already made brief reference to it in one of her last emails. I have every email exchange and have never threatened or abused her not even in person/on the phone. You may think I'm being melodramatic but I know that everything she's done has been to cut me out of his life completely. I wouldn't be surprised if she planned it right down to seeking out a relationship with an army man so she had more reason to take my son away and no real questions asked, she really is that vindictive. I can see where it's all heading...1. It starts with a name change - if challenged by me, they'll say it's to be done in his best interests because the rest of his resident family has that surname including the new sibling he will soon have. His name - apart from the DNA that flows through him is the last link he has with me in all reality. 2. My PSO will probably not be granted because she's now married to this guy and is having his kid. 3. She starts asking for hearings to be adjourned, postponing mediation/contact, etc, under the excuse of her being pregnant. All of that just sounds so convenient to me, it couldn't have been written better in a script! You really could not make this stuff up!! This all started from that statement her mum made to me back in 2009. I have been alienated and all they need to do is get to Northern Ireland before court starts and I'm blown right out of the water. I know everything in law says that it's all about the children but whichever way you slice it you cannot deny that it is - at the end of the day, when you're standing in court - a fight between the parents, a usually very unfair fight.

I am so angry right now because all I wanted in the beginning was for us to be a family with me taking care of and providing for my wife, child and any future children. She chose to tear our family apart and didn't like it when I revealed I'd moved on and it became clear to her that I wasn't at her beck and call anymore, even though she didn't want me back. I think overall I probably unwittingly enabled her long term plan by rebuilding my life with someone else. It most certainly gave her the excuse to behave so abhorrently where my relationship with my son is concerned, telling everyone that I didn't want to know my son once I got with my wife. That is absolutely not true and my wife would never have become my wife or even have been my partner for very long, for that matter, if I was the sort of man that didn't want anything to do with his son. The truth is that she's [ex] always made it difficult for me to see my son. Even on his first birthday I wasn't allowed to see him because, the person she had cheated on me with and I suppose effectively left me for, was going to be there and she didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. He was a work colleague of mine by the way, someone that I still had to see at work all the time. :}

Back to present day, a lot from the time we split up until now is relevant as to why we are at this juncture and I don't know what to say in court to illustrate that without sounding 1. Bitter - which, for the record, I feel is a totally justifiable feeling considering what's going on, or, 2. Like I'm putting the blame onto her - which again I feel is understandable, after all it is because of my ex I don't get to enjoy a relationship with my son. She tries to make out that I still hold an interest in her and tries to make it about her, - whilst always claiming to have my son's best interests at heart and that she encourages a relationship between me and him - I think this is a tactic to detract from the real issue of my son and if she can keep focus on her or at least make it look like my focus is on her then she stands a chance of keeping my boy and I apart. :boohoo:

If you've read all of this so far I thank you so much for your perseverance, nearly done now? :unsure:

To recap:

1. I am currently awaiting the papers back from the court to serve to my ex - PSO and Contact
2. My son is involved in a planned move to NI over the next couple of months (could be tomorrow and I wouldn't know)
3. My ex is now remarried and is expecting a child - I anticipate this will incur a name change for my son and possibly/probably hamper my PSO application, the court will most likely take the view of not wanting to separate a family. How ironic?!
4. I fully expect hearings and suchlike to be continuously adjourned with ex's pregnancy used as the excuse - sorry, reason.
5. All point 4 does is keep me at bay until they've moved to NI

I know that technically she can't take him out of the jurisdiction without my permission (or a court's) but I doubt she cares about that and probably thinks that once she's gone I can't do anything. Now I know I can do something but it's going to be even more difficult than it is now, at the end of the day I haven't got the money to keep going or time to keep going to NI if it gets that far. I've already been checking out flights, ferries, etc., for worst case scenario and that's just another whole nightmare. I also know that technically she can't change his name without my permission but she can give him a 'known as name' to start with and then progress from there, women like her always seem to achieve what they want eventually. So all that said, it begs the question at the top of this post! The hearings will take place in Medway and I'm not liking what I've heard about some family cases heard there. I know I have to ultimately, but I have little belief that the system will work for me. I have spoken to CCLC and know all of what's supposed to happen under law, I guess I'm just here looking for moral support, tips and any good news stories that might help spur me on.

My job demands 100% concentration with 0% margin for error and I obviously can't just blot all this out, although I sometimes wish I could. I just hope I can push on through this difficult time with no detriment to my work or health. I hate this whole situation it sucks and it [censored] hurts :boohoo:

Any comments and/or advice would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

Oh and please take a look at this link and sign http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/23102