[Solved] Is this reality...

Don't try to fathom her. Just focus on your children and yourself.

You can never control what the other parent does / thinks - even when you know they are harming themselves or your children.

Safeguarding Team 3 will just be exactly that - team 3 in your local authorities children services. Once you have a good social worker, treat them with respect and be friendly. Social Services can be a shower of SH** at times but like every profession, there are good and bad professionals. Get a good one and you are laughing. Things shouldn't be that way but they are....

One thing you may find SS do is initiate their own proceedings if this mother continues to have a relationship with a [censored] offender. Be ready for that.

Oh by the way, the mirroring you mentioned - I had that too - she knew how to make herself "perfect" to me and she did it. She's now doing it to another bloke. Not one of her relationships has ever lasted more than four to five years - she's broken and dysfunctional. I suspect yours is the same. Try to let go of her and what she did to you - that dream inside of being a family really is dead now. Going back would be dangerous.

Stay focused, strong and aware. You'll get the best outcome that way.

I'm trying but my analytical brain wants answers, had no closure and can't see her end game.

I really hope to get a good social worker this time to keep the momentum up.

From what I read it seems a common theme for BPD girls to mirror because they have a broken sense of self from childhood and they take yours, then use that closeness to control and destroy you.

I don't think I can ever let go of her, she's devastated me for life. We been through so much together, such unique acts of love and experiences that could never be matched. For example when I was in Russia with her trying to get her spouse visa, she was in 2nd trimester with a complicated pregnancy, her first application got rejected, my Russian exit visa was about to expire, I didn't want to leave her there, so I overstayed. About 4 weeks before her due date she got her spouse visa. So we tried to sneak out of Russia by getting a train to Finland, not the best idea! I got caught and sent to court 2 weeks later, terrorifing, little metal cage there in front of judge. I pleaded my case via a translater saying it was an act of passion overstaying. I could have faced years in prison, my punishment? A £50 fine and an exit visa! 🙂
By this time my wife was massive 2 weeks before due date, I dressed her up so she looked like a land whale and it worked we got on the plane and left for good olde England, to live happily ever after...

If you are right about her having a personality disorder none of it was real was it?

PD's are rooted in childhood trauma (mostly) although can also be created / triggered by trauma in adult life.

I have no closure either and no sign of an end game. I too am analytical.....you will get to a place where this is all water under the bridge. I can promise you.

They don't change and the minute you realise they are "ill", you should immediately concern yourself with protecting your children from them by way of a court order as much in your favour as is possible.

It's that simple.

Justdad...Thanks for your advice to Marco, it's absolutely spot on, to succeed it's important to separate from the emotional side of things and place yourself outside of the hurt. It's difficult I know, because everything is personal, but if you can manage to step outside of that, you will begin to cope better.

She's damaged, your role is to protect your children from the poor decisions she makes and will probably continue to make... don't make it easy for her by allowing your emotions to overtake you. To the outside world you must always present as calm, reasonable, and totally child focused, regardless of the turmoil inside.

Talking about it does help, as does knowing that others have and are going through much the same things too. Already I can see that you're settling into a better mind set, it's tough but you'll get there.

All the best

I have a c1a hearing next week as well, for her injuries she caused my face, stomach and wrist, I submitted photos to my lawyer. What do you think will come of it? I feel so conflicted it's driving me nuts, the good she won't be able to present herself as the sweet little size 4 angel against a big oaf like me

I'm dreading if she will turn up, I don't have a poker face at all and will be cycling through all the emotions