Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information β open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you β or someone you know β are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
My husband attended his first hearing nearly two weeks ago. He was awarded the PR he wanted for his youngest and an order was made for indirect contact to commence for the next 6 months in order to reestablish a bond and it has been adjourned until June. He and his ex are to attend mediation in the mean time to see if an agreement can be reached to move forward with direct contact in 6 months time. He was awarded everything he was asking for at this point, which he did put forward to her solicitor prior to the hearing, but she insisted on trying to contest :whistle: There are no safe guarding issues at all (he works in safe guarding himself), so cafcass see no further reason for their involvement beyond this point and I believe had quite a pop at her and her solicitor for even letting this get to the first hearing.
The court are working on a back log and the court order should be delivered to us by the middle of next week. I remember briefly on it the court order says "The mother will accept cards\letters from the father posted to her home address on a monthly basis. The mother is to encourage a response from the children within two weeks". My husband has written his first Christmas card to them with a lovely letter written inside, and it was sent special delivery (previous cards/letters he has sent for the last for years have been kept from them, so he wanted proof they have been sent and received). The tracking on Royal mail website says delivery was attempted Tuesday 13th but no one was home so they have gone to the local sorting office. My husband text her the next day to let her know they were at the sorting office (on the freak off chance she was not left a card ), she said she will collect them when she's next off work. The sorting office is open Wednesdays until 8pm and Saturday until 2pm, but they have still not been collected!! We're not sure what she's works as or where, but says she works Mon - Fri (but could be 2 hours a day for all we know). Tomorrow will be a week since they have been sat in the sorting office and again is the beginning of the working week and then it's Christmas (by which time the cards won't make sense as my husband has written about Christmas and what they want from father Christmas etc).
So, very long winded, but where does my husband stand with this? He doesn't want to keep texting her, asking her when she plans on getting them as she has claimed to her solicitor that he constantly bombards her with texts (utter nonsense), and equally, he doesn't want to keep prompting her to collect things from the sorting office for the next 6 months. Is she effectively breaching the court order??? And when/if she does collect them, when will the effective date of receipt be? When delivery was attempted or when she collected them? It's just so difficult for him to move things forward when she is so difficult over the smallest thing. She could even arrange a redelivery for when she is in, she is just so unwilling to assist!! The chidren have no idea he really exists or that they have two half sisters, I think she simply wants to keep it that way for as long as she possibly can.
I'd say by the book yes she is breaking the order but in reality I doubt there isn't much the court or yourselves can enforce it which is a shame.
I may be wrong but the resident parent rarely gets punished when the break a court order and she has got a good excuse in saying she has been unable to get to the sorting office to collect it, it's a double edged sword I suppose as she would of almost certain received it if he had just posted it but then she could just say she didn't receive it when she notes it wasn't sent by recorded delivery.
I suppose I'd use the 3 strike rule as I did so if he sends another couple of letters and they aren't received then write a letter to court explaining what has happened then even if they don't punish her it may give her a kick up the [censored] to play ball.
This is what happened to be when my ex never brought my girl to the contact centre a couple of times I didn't apply for enforcement I just wrote to court and they gave me a hearing she didn't get punished as she came out with every excuse under the sun but she never missed a contact session after that.
All the best
Slim π
It will be difficult, as your husband can't write again for another month from last writing, if you wait for the three strike rule, as Slim suggests, it will be another 3months down the line.
I suggest you write to her solicitor and explain that it is important that letters/cards get passed on promptly and that leaving it uncollected for a week in the sorting office isn't appropriate and is in fact obstructive. Ask that they contact their client and make sure she understands the importance of this period of indirect contact and complies with it, to ensure that the children receive their letters in a timely fashion. Remind the solicitor that if this recurs you will write to the court and request urgent new direction and a prompt return to court. I wouldn't bother texting his ex, she may try and get a harassment charge slapped on him!
Your husband should write again when he is due to, regardless of the delay at the other end, if it happens again then write to the judge that made the order and ask for an urgent return to court for new directions. If that happens I would be asking for CAFCASS to act as a third party to make sure that the children receive and read the lettersthat are sent.
Thank you so much for the great advice, both of you, it is incredibly helpful. He will write to her solicitor this week and basically just reiterate what you've both said π
What I'm concerned about though is that even if she does start collecting letters more promptly should they end up in the sorting office, the order states she is to encourage a response from the children...I have no doubt in my mind that he will not get anything in return...So how is he ever going to know whether the letters he sends are actually being passed on and not simply "filed away" (binned) with the rest. My concern would be that when direct contact does occur eventually, they will not be prepared. If it came to it, could cafcass assist in any way, by ensuring the cards/letters are physically handed to the children? And if this is possible, can my husband write to the judge asking for the order to be amended to this effect, without having to request a return to court?
Agree with the above. Write to her solicitor as Mojo has advised. If you don't have any luck there, you can try writing to the court. They are likely to issue new directions.
You could seek the advice of CAFCASS too.
Perhaps also say that by leaving the letter at the sorting office for a week she has halved the response time as set out in the order.... that their client needs to take on board that a response from the children is required, to show that she is indeed encouraging and facilitating this period of indirect contact, which is an important part of preparing the children for an eventual progression of contact, and that it would be in the children's best interests for this to happen.
Courts can request that CAFCASS assist with indirect contact, your husband could try and ask the judge that made the order to make an amendment without having to return to court, but it doesn't cost any extra to have it brought back before the judge and might just be the wake up call his ex needs to realise that she must comply.
Try not to worry too much about when direct contact does start I'm presuming it may be in a contact centre? I never seen my 4 month year old for nearly 10 months then started to see her at a contact centre when she turned 1, it was very gradual and the practices put in place were very good for us both to get to know each other again, Cafcass are good at doing that sort of thing too depending on how they go about it.
I'm not saying it was easy as it still took me 4-5 months until my daughter was at ease with me even when I had my daughter on my own for days weekends ect it was pretty tough my girl crying for mummy when I picked her up every week and I did struggle a little but it's all a distance memory now thankfully.
All the best
Slim π
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We donβt like to set βrulesβ, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.