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-a plan was made between me and ex (she picked the times not me) for me to see my kid after we seperated.
-On an occasion I was late to collect by 15 minutes, so contact then withdrawn.
-I went to court, went through the false accusations, had to see my kid in a contact centre, and in the end got an order.
-Ex and myself then actually got back together (i'm an idiot I know)
-I had an opportunity to join the military in training, whilst we were together. I believed this would be a good opportunity for us as a family, however we broke up whilst I was there.
-Unfortunately I got injured and returned home, when I did, she said as I had been away I had 'broken' the court order so it no longer mattered and she would now dictate contact times.
-This has continued and arguments have gone on ever since. I basically have to agree to what she says or contact withdrawn.
-I'm currently back at university in an attempt to get a better career to enhance mine and my kids life rather than minimum wage agency jobs. This means I'm busy midweek (uni is 40 hours a week) and I work weekends. Therefore, my schedule changes all the time, sometimes I have lectures, sometimes I don't.
Anyway, the mother said I could have overnights on a tuesday each week and then have our child all day wednesday. This has been fine for the last 2 months, until the last 2 weeks. I was ill on the first occasion. The second occasion I have had a load of essay deadlines and needed to get them done so asked to change the day of contact. She refused and has now stopped contact as I didn't have our child on those two occasions.
The problem is, the mother won't allow any changes, no flexibility whatsoever (however, when she wants to change something I always do if I can accommodate), She is saying I have missed contact so can't be relied on as her reason. But is unwilling to change when I ask.
Is there any point me trying to go to court again? I'm broke as it is and don't want to go through that process where I am basically guilty until proven innocent again if there is no chance of an outcome. I don't see how they could make an order when I have no set career yet and no set days I can have our child all day as a block like the mother wants?
If I was with the mother still, I would be able to see my child when I had time free around university and work. But it seems now I'm not with her, thats not an option for a father.
hi,
what days are set in your court order? courts are good for giving structure and set routines, like full weekends fri-sun, every other weekend etc. If you can not commit to those arrangements, then maybe returning to court is not a good idea. but on the other hand, if you don't take action, your ex will do whatever she likes and control the situation, as your experiencing. not being allowed to see children at all is out of order and you shouldn't let it carry on.
When I was going through courts, they weren't really bothered about my work commitments and just wanted things to run smoothly for the kids, and to help avoid trouble between parents. both parents are expected to compromise and be reasonable/flexible with arrangements. I now prefer to work around or limit my work, so I can spend more time with the kids.
hi,
what days are set in your court order? courts are good for giving structure and set routines, like full weekends fri-sun, every other weekend etc. If you can not commit to those arrangements, then maybe returning to court is not a good idea. but on the other hand, if you don't take action, your ex will do whatever she likes and control the situation, as your experiencing. not being allowed to see children at all is out of order and you shouldn't let it carry on.
When I was going through courts, they weren't really bothered about my work commitments and just wanted things to run smoothly for the kids, and to help avoid trouble between parents. both parents are expected to compromise and be reasonable/flexible with arrangements. I now prefer to work around or limit my work, so I can spend more time with the kids.
Hi, thanks for your reply.
The order is for Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. Unfortunately as I now work weekends as I'm at uni during the week, so I'm not able to fulfill that anyway.
This is the thing, my current schedule means apart from evenings, I am never guaranteed to be available on a certain day, it will vary. But the ex will not allow any flexibility and i'm unsure whether a court could do anything with me having no set routine either? I can certainly make time and be available but it's not always going to be the same times/days each week. This is where the problem lies.
Do I have to just give up and not see my child until I finish university or could something be done?
I dont think going back to family court will help . Children need to see the absent parent at set times and days or at least consistently if you are working on a rota where times and days will change but will always be the same in a cycle.
You need to see what days you can consistently have your child and maybe some flexibility here and there as well.
If u went to family court u need to bear in mind how can they order anything when you dont know when you are available week to week. They will most likely take mums side.
It seems like you either have to give up uni during week or give up working weekends. I would say give up working weekends would probably be best option as you could consistently see your child on a regular basis. Or even if u worked 1 day at weekend and saw your child 1 day at weekend on a weekly basis.
I agree with the above, you need to set aside consistent times for contact, even if it's one day per fortnight - this is for your children more than anything, and you need to stick to that and work around it. If you think you can do that, then go back to court and represent yourself - you may well be able to get the application fee reduced or waived, so the only cost would be your time, but again, you need to make sure you do have the time and commitment to do that.
do you have to travel in to go to uni? my nephews are all at uni. They have been doing home studies for months due to covid. basically if you want to have a meaningful relationship with your kids, you will have to make sacrifices. I no longer do full-time 9-5 work as I do school runs when i want to see kids.
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