Inconsistent Mum, 7 years of hell

<span;>Hello

<span;>Looking for advice as I feel I have tried everything.

<span;>Background, its quite long and complicated - I have 4 girls with ex wife, we separated 7 years ago when youngest was 6 months old. It was a miserable marriage for me and I was often left home alone as soon as I got in from work, whilst she was out. She would take the bigger car to ensure I was trapped at home.so i couldnt fit the chikdren in the 2nd car.She never did a single night feed for any of the children etc even though she didn't work and I had a full time job.

<span;>Life was [censored] after separation, I found her a 4 bed house to rent, the initial arrangement was I had them every Weds and Fri-Sunday evening. Which was great for her social life. She was the main carer then and claimed single parent benefits etc. I would often go to drop them children home on time and she wasn't home meaning they were with me again. She didn't see them for the whole month of January shortly after we split.

<span;>Long story short, she has always been very inconsistent with child contact arrangements. Over 3 years ago she had another child with a man she split with before birth. I applied for mediation, to get a routine for the girls, it was ignored.

<span;>She then disappeared shortly after the birth of her new child and we found out she was admitted to a mental hospital as she had post natal mental health issues and attempted suicide. I went to court and was given an emergency residency order. Without knowing, the other father had done the same and our cases were later combined and the courts assessed who all 5 children should live with.

<span;>It was a stressful time, the ex never turned up for CAFFCASS meetings at all, never gave permission for her medical records to be used to prove she could look after her children herself. At the time she was in a large emergency council accommodation as she was still claiming benefits for all 5 children. Because of this, I think she thought it didn't matter if the Dad's had a live with order as she was living her perfect life of lots of benefits and very limited responsibility of her children.

<span;>In the end, both us Dad's were granted the live with order as there was no effort or way of assessing if she children were safe in her care. She chose a very limited routine for my girls (as little as possible) in hope to make my life difficult around work etc. She wanted more contact with the newer child which CAFFCASS did think would make my girls feel rejected. In the end the judge agreed with her every wish and demand re contact.

<span;>Even though a court order was in place for contact, after 2 weeks it was often broken, she would not be home when it was her turn to have the girls, chopping and changing which days suited her. It became so frustrating as trying to juggle child care and run a business is hard work when she was so unreliable and was doing it out of pure spite. I could also see the children were affected by the regular let downs and never having a set routine or knowing when they'd see their Mum again.

<span;>Eventually, when it came to her getting a permanent council house, as she now had no children to claim for (except a 17 year old son from a 3rd Dad who had lived with his Nan, her Mum since we split) she was only entitled to a 2 bed flat.

<span;>This is where the main issues started. Since then the blackmail has been horrendous. She wants to claim for 2 of the girls so she can get a bigger house and she wants her children 50/50. I have refused as I knew she was not going to stick to that, I also feel it would be irresponsible and possibly fraud to pretend 2 girls were living with her! When she was the primary carer for the girls, she was never consistent and I felt like I was the full time carer anyways. She has tried constantly to make my life as difficult as possible, even after I bought her beds/sofa bed and cooker to set her up in her new flat so the girls were comfortable during their few nights at their Mum's each month. The sofa bed was later sold on Facebook a few months after I bought it and then she used the excuse she didn't have anywhere for them to sleep so couldn't have them over night. The excuses are endless and she is quite nasty at times with not only me, but the girls also. They walk on egg shells in her presence worried Mummy will get angry or sad. I have learnt that she suffers from Emotionally unstable personality disorder (BPD) and I am guessing NPD along with this after the [censored] I have been through since I met her. However, she likes to try to flip this and make out I am.the one being narcissistic and she is the victim?!

<span;>The longest she has ever stuck to a routine was when I reluctantly agreed to pay her £300 a month and she would have the girls on a Tuesday night and then every other weekend fri-sunday evening. This lasted 4 months before that ended and she didn't see them for 6 weeks. After which she then says she misses them but wants a new routine again, always using the blackmail she needs the benefits back otherwise she can't do over night stays as it's too stressful for her, her flat is too small. She often accuses me of being greedy etc and this is all my fault that she can't have the girls.

<span;>I am reluctant to go through the courts again, I felt it was completely pointless with regards to contact arrangements as it was never stuck to and there is nothing I can do to make her see the girls. Not even a court order!

<span;>The current routine at present, is she has them for 3 hours during the week and then every other Saturday and Sunday during the day time and drops them back at 7pm before bed. She has only had them twice for a few hours in the last 6 weeks and wanted an adhoc arrangement when she felt like having the girls which I refused. I strongly feel they need a set routine, this is all I've ever wanted for them.

<span;>I am now re-married and expecting a baby boy due in 2 months. She has continued to try to make our life difficult and uses her contact with the girls to try to ruin our plans, or cause us problems. The girls came home crying yesterday as she took a video of their feet and made a big drama saying their feet are dirty and she is going to send it to social services and call the police as Daddy isn't washing them... they were crying their eyes out when they were dropped back as they buried to tell her they had been playing football on the green with their friends and shebwouldnt listen and was being dramatic and calling people to rant about how bad I am in front of them.

<span;>It is hard for them as she emotionally blackmails the girls, my eldest (now 14) doesn't want to see her mum during the new suggested routine and has just been video calling her. She is finally realising i think. But the other 3 are unfortunately, still being used to help their Mum in her smear campaign against me.

<span;>What can I do...? I don't want to go to court as she is so manipulative and is there really any point? I have the live with order... Will it just be more money down the drain for little change. But then again, I really wish she would just stick to any kind of regular contact so the girls are settled and know when to expect to see her!

<span;>Sorry this is long! It is hard as my case is a lot more complex that the usual split family, I never feel like anyone else has similar issues and I have noone to turn to for help or advice.