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My ex and I have an interim agreement for visitation and are due back in court in the next few weeks where we will hopefully make a formal order and the unpleasantness can be done. Unfortunately this weekend I've fallen sick unexpectedly, I contacted my ex 15 minutes prior to collection time (which I appreciate is short notice but I was trapped in the bathroom)... I offered for my partner to collect our child to which she was agreeable but asked several times if I was definitely well enough to have our Son to which I was honest and said I don't think it's worth the risk to him. I am contagious and don't want to make our son unwell for the sake of me being selfish wanting to see him so I told her I think it's best he stays at home if she is alright with that. She has been amenable to this arrangement but I am now very worried she will use this against me in court and state that I am inconsistent and unreliable as this was a court specified visit in between two hearings.
In addition, two visits ago our son became unwell the night before, I still collected him and brought him to my home but he got worse throughout the Saturday and she'd stated in our contact book to contact her if he got worse/if I needed anything. I called my ex and she opted to come and collect him an hour early and we said we would see how it goes the next day. The next day she said he had been up most of the night unwell, I was sick, my partner was sick and my ex messaged to say all of her family and herself were sick too so we opted to leave him at home with his resident parent rather than drive him to my house in a heatwave to go to bed here. It seemed sensible not to aggravate him being ill and I appreciate a lot of children want their Mum when they're sick! The next visit she asked me to have him an hour earlier than normal and I was really happy to do that as it meant more time with him and a bit of a make-up for the fact I missed out on seeing him prior.
We have been generally getting along better but she is unpredictable at the best of times and I fear me being unwell will give her ammunition in court to state I've been unreliable when really I just don't want my (rather weak/poorly generally) son becoming unwell because I have been irresponsible. Whilst she has been agreeable and not horrible/pushy about it to me I don't think that would stop her trying to gain sympathy from the magistrates that I am terrible and abandon my son if I am unwell or he is unwell. I am contacting my representative solicitor for the hearing to let him know and feel very stressed that I either have to have my child tomorrow and most likely make him sick or have to pass on having my Son and my ex having further ammunition in court...... Do you think the magistrates would be particularly hard on me if my ex and I have made this agreement to supercede an interim contact order? I will bring in my medical record stating I saw a medical professional. I don't have parents or any family close by I can rely on to babysit him when I am poorly and my partner can't be here to look after him today.
A court order is designed to ensure that the Parent with care makes a child available for contact, the order does not force the non-resident parent to actually have that contact, so from what you have said, I can't see that the order has been broken. It sounds like both you and your ex have been acting for the benefit of your son, and as long as there aren't safeguarding issues, I would have thought that a court would encourage continuing cooperation between the two of you as this is by far the best solution for all concerned. I suppose it does come back to whether your ex is going to be truthful in court about what has gone on.
Hi there
I agree with actd, you are working together as caring parents and showing flexibility. The well being and health of your son is paramount and you are showing that you're putting his needs above your own by being responsible in your approach.
As you have your illness on record, I'm pretty sure it won't be argued with. You could thank her for the extra time she gave and express the wish that you can continue to work together for the benefit of your child.
We can't control when we get ill and I would try not to worry about it too much, everyone finds court hearings stressful and being poorly won't help... be kind to yourself.
All the best
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