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I will try keeps this simple. I have 3 children oldest one is 8 years they are all mine and have the same mum, We are not married. I am on the birth certificate and they all have my surname, The benefits are all in my name as well. The mother has decided that she will be leaving at the end of this month being March. We both live in a council property and we are both on the tenancy She has said that she will leave the kids here until she has a place that she can take them to which I am guessing wont take long. The problem is she is a arm chair mum who spends nearly her whole time on the internet other then cooking dinner most times in the week, I do the cleaning washing and running around. She will be moving to her mums to start as she does not want to live in this house as it is to far away from any friends and family and she does not drive making it hard for her to go shopping or to any school. but she will not want to stay long at her mums place very dirty. For her to get a property she will need the kids as the council will not house her if I leave her on the tenancy I could be evicted or at least moved to a very small property where I would not be able to look after my kids I am unable to work due to ill health and have to take quite a bit of medication when bad but I cant believe I am the only cripple looking after kids, she will use against me if this went to court. she is not interested in working full time and the kids will help to enforce this but the kids will be left to there own devices which scares the [censored] out of me as I have come home in the past to find the kids are up stairs on there own youngest 3 and the other 4 with all the windows wide open with one of them hanging out of it why she on the internet with head phones on. I want to try and keep every thing as normal as possible for the children and dont want them to have to leave there friends from school or from other clubs they go to. I know if they go to her they will leave there school and clubs and will probably be moved around for the first 2, 3 years. any help please and how much chance do dads stand of having the kids now full time. as it was only a couple of years ago one of my friends went through this and the police turned up and took his kids at 1 in the morning and he lost custody. Help please.
I don't know which part of the country you stay in because I am in Scotland and I know that the law is different in England and Wales. In Scotland the general law is that decisions about residency are made on the "best interests of the child".
If this is the same elsewhere then your circumstances would suggest that you have a very good case to answer to achieve full custody and the exulted status of "parent with care" because you have the benefits in your name for a start.
My advice to you is simple, go for full custody, even if temporary to begin with until she gets herself a new house because it sounds like it will be in the best interest of your children in the long run and just build your case from there. There is no easy quick fix to this. The best way to do this is through legal aid and a solicitor which you will need to enquire about and apply for. Citizens Advice may be your best place to start?
In the meantime keep a record / copies / diary of every contact, conversation, text, phone call, email or letter and be prepared for you ex to make up stories in order to get custody. This happened to me and it is very difficult to defend because society seems to assume that children are always better of with their mother. So be quick, don't hang around thinking that everything will turn out for the best because you are a good dad, take action now!
Best of luck!
Hi Mark,
As you aren't working you are entitled to Legal Aid. However the new Legal aid Reforms will come into effect on April 1st and after this you will not be able to get this anymore. My advice to you is to get yourself a solicitor ASAP so that they can get your Legal Aid application in before the deadline. When you go to the solicitors take proof that you are on benefits and also take your last 3 months bank statements to show what you have going into your bank account, this will save time. My advice would be to keep this to yourself.
As the child benefits are all in your name and you will be staying in the family home you stand a better chance of getting Residency. Keep things as normal as possible with your ex and as soon as possible after she has left ask your solicitor to put your application for Residency into the court. As you are on full benefits for ill health the solicitor may be able to start the ball rolling before they get the Legal Aid granted. Speak to them about this and impress upon them that you need to move quickly. Speak to them about getting Emergency Interim Residency also. This would mean that within days of the mother leaving you could be in court and hopefully getting an Interim Residency Order.
I'm not sure about your council tenancy, if you can inform the council that the mother has left you might be able to get the tenancy put in your name only. You could telephone the council and find out about this. Also the benefits office needs to be informed of your change of circumstances.
As silverback says keep a record of everything from now on and once she has left try not to put yourself in a one to one situation with her in case she makes false allegations that could affect your case.
It may seem sneaky to do all of this behind her back but the children need stability and staying in their home and staying at the same school with the same friends etc is whats best for them.
There are Dads here that have custody of their children, my son has custody of his 5yr old. Best of luck 🙂
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