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Long story short, me and my ex-partner had a beautiful baby girl, we split up whilst she was pregnant and she started seeing other people. I contacted her when my friend had told me my daughter had been born with no response, I finally got a response 2 months later saying I could see my daughter.
Things were going fine but then she started to get a bit weird with me so I played it cool and we ended up getting back together I only got back together with her really so that I could see my daughter hassle free but all things come to an end when your extreamly unhappy being with someone so I ended it in November 2016, I didn't contact her for around 10 days and then when I did I messaged her asking her what her mum and herself wanted for Christmas off my daughter to see if they wanted anything especially, I got the reply nothing you can't see your daughter again...
This really has had a negative effect on me, it effected my work life ( I'm now unemployed ) it also put me into a real and state of depression to the point where I tried taking my own life.
I went to see a solicitor but I can't really afford the costs as mediation would be a no go with her seeing as she has a new boyfriend who is playing dad to my daughter, I missed her first steps because of all of this her new boyfriend didn't.
In all honesty I don't care what my ex and her fella do with their lives but my ex and her family are trying their hardest to push me out of my daughters life. I never got put onto my daughters birth certificate even though she knew full well I was the dad.
I paid for my daughter but my mistake was paying cash, so a month ago I had a letter from the CSA saying I owe my ex partner around £1700, I explained to the CSA and obviously I can't prove it so I said I'll agree to pay it once I'm back in work.
What's making it really hard for me to decide what to is that I had a troubled teenage years, I've never been to prison but I have assault and possession of class A on my record. But I've really moved on since all of that nonsense.
In retrospect I don't have a clue what to do my head is an absolute mess, I'm really struggling to sleep and eat and I don't think I've left my house for a month now, my life has turned to complete darkness, all I want to do is cuddle my daughter.
I'm usually a person with a strong suit of armour but the only throng that has ever affected me like this is not being able to see my daughter because the mother won't let me and I'm trying really hard to not react to her petty behaviour. I miss my little dinosaur so much.
Edit
I was also working 6 days a week, leaving work at 7am then finishing work at 5:30pm going to my daughters to try get an hour with her before she goes to sleep then I'd go home and do more work at home. My ex used to moan at me all the time about being tired, but I understand that now, I shouldn't of been tired and I should of made more of an effort to spend time with my daughter but there are only so many hours in a day and unfortunately my ex wasn't cheap and neither are my bills for living.
Edit 2
Also I am not on any kind of benefits whilst being unemployed I have been living off savings which are due to run out, I don't believe in tax payers paying for my mistakes of being unemployed.
Edit 3
I also set an email account up for my daughter that I email weekly, sounds silly I know but this is my way of speaking to her.
Hi there,
You need to start looking after yourself before you start this battle as if you aren't in the right headspace then you won't be able to concentrate on the issues in hand.
I would make an appointment with your doctor and explain everything to them and see what they can do to help.
We are all here for support and help, so don't feel alone, keep talking to us and we will try and help
GTTS
Hi
A few things, first, as above, you need to look after yourself, so that's your top priority at the moment. Next, you've worked for long enough and paid taxes, so just think of benefits of taking out of savings you put away for a rainy day - that's what the benefits system is for, and once you are back on your feet again, then you can start paying back into the system. Once you are on benefits, you should be able to claim legal aid for mediation - it still covers that and mediation is compulsory before going on to court if necessary. If you do need to go to court, then if you are on benefits, you should be able to get help with the court fee.
I'm a tax payer, never claimed benefits, but I have no problem at all with paying tax in to cover people who are having problems through no fault of their own, and your situation isn't something you wanted to happen, so make full use of what is available, and concentrate of getting well so you can be a good father to your daughter.
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