DAD.info
Forum - Ask questions. Get answers.
Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:

Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.

Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.

If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help

Notifications
Clear all

[Solved] I need advice

Page 1 / 2
 
(@struggling_dad)
New Member Registered

Hey guys,

Well we all know why we're here, we had kids with women that we can't be with for whatever reason. My reason is that I can't stand the mother of my child, she's untrustworthy and has always been a liar.

After my daughter was born last year I tried my hardest to see past that stuff and just be with her, but after a while I realised that when it was just me and her and my daughter had gone to sleep I really didn't want to be with her or even touch her. I think she noticed this, that no matter how hard we both tried the relationship was just ruined and even though we were happy once upon a time, it will never be like that again.

So we broke up, and at first I got to see my little girl. I would do a 100 mile round trip to go and see my little girl. My ex forced me to see her at her flat, never letting me take her out on her own or without her around. It was fine for a while, but soon became awkward especially at Christmas last year when I found a Christmas card addressed to her boyfriend, her and my daughter. I asked her about it and she had her ugly dragon of a mother kick me out the flat (she was on standby down the road apparently). After that she forced me to see her in the local town centre, again with her present, where we'd walk around for a couple of hours and I wouldn't get any quality time with my daughter. It's hard with your ex there pretending to chat to other guys on her phone and make phone calls slating you off in front of her.

I then applied to go to court, and didn't have any contact with my little girl for 3 months. I tried a solicitor, I tried mediation, she wasn't having any of it. She told me I'd have to wait until court to get a contact order before I could see my daughter again, then she missed the first court hearing because she was "sick".

I appealed to the Judge and had the hearing without her present. They phoned her and asked her if I could do supervised contact, which she said yes to. I got a contact order stating that my ex must make my daughter available for supervised contact. I started doing the contact ASAP, during the week from 11am to 1pm (taking time off work to see her). I managed to get 2 hours a week (at £31 an hour + her taxi fees to get to and from the centre) and did my first visit which was amazing, having not seen my daughter for 3 months. The following week my ex cancelled due to being "sick" and my daughter was also "sick". The following week my daughter was brought to the contact centre but was teething and crying, so I cut the contact short because it wasn't fair on her to be upset with a stranger in the room taking notes in a new environment. It's still a 100 mile round trip for me.

My ex then decides to make my visits fortnightly, and says I can see her for 5 hours if I want. 5 hours in a room with a stranger, at £31 an hour when I could just take her to the park or zoo and spend real time with her?! Needless to say I was quite angry at this point but I said that's fine, I'll do 2 hours every 2 weeks until the next court hearing, which actually counts as the first hearing because she missed the first.

The first one couldn't happen because the centre was short-staffed but the second visit was amazing, now today she's just cancelled on me again because she's "sick" again.

I can't keep doing this, it's killing me. What are my options?!

I'm on the birth certificate.

I'm worried that my daughter is always supposedly sick in her care and that maybe she's not being looked after properly. What can I do?!

Please help me!

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 24/05/2014 3:07 pm
(@dadmod4)
Illustrious Member

Hi and welcome.

Firstly, I would look at alternate contact centres - £31 per hour seems massively excessive to me. Secondly, contact your daughters GP - as you are on the birth certificate, you have a right to see your daughters medical records, so see if there is any issue here (the GP may show some reluctance to give your the records, based on some experiences told on this forum, so you may have to press hard for this)

It may also be worth looking at mediation again, your ex may be more inclined to agree now - you never know.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25/05/2014 12:16 am
(@Nannyjane)
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi there

When are you next in court? Are CAFCASS involved? If they are then you could try contacting the officer that has been assigned and talk to them about this and your concerns for your daughters care as she is ill so much.

You could write to the judge who awarded the interim contact and explain that the mother keeps cancelling the contact visits and has reduced them to fortnightly and ask for the hearing date to be bought forward to allow for new directions.

Before that try writing to her and pointing out that not making the child available for contact and reducing the duration of the contact is a breach of the contact order and you will apply to return to court earlier if she doesn't comply. Express concerns for your child's health and ask for an update on the reasons for her illness. Give her seven days to respond in writing and tell her if you haven't received one you will contact the court without hesitation and ask for new directions.

She may respond but from the sound of it she isn't taking court too seriously so you may end up having to write to the court. Any letters you send to the court you should also send her a copy and keep a copy for your records.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25/05/2014 2:20 pm
(@struggling_dad)
New Member Registered

Thank you for your advice. She has asked me not to contact her directly and actually sent the police round to ask me to stop contacting her as she'd made an accusation of harassment, although they said she didn't have any proof of it. I happily gave the visiting officer my phone and my partner's phone, to which she issued my ex with TWO letters of warning one to stop harassing me and one to stop harassing my partner.

I am genuinely concerned, if my daughter is too sick to see me then it must be quite bad. I believe she's just making excuses up, but I will go the legal route and keep my integrity by keeping calm about it. I know it will all be fine in a few months, once it's been to court again. The fact she keeps cancelling contact, coupled with my pleas for mediation and contact, as well as the notes from my supervised visits (which have been very good) will all go in my favour.

This is by far the most difficult thing I've ever gone through, having a child with the wrong person.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 27/05/2014 1:04 am
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

...I think the sickness is probably an excuse to deny you contact, but I guess she could be teething again.

Keeping your integrity and remaining calm and reasonable is the best way to proceed... Best of luck with it all.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 27/05/2014 1:32 am
(@rob007)
Estimable Member Registered

ok struggling dad you had a court order and now u should be seeking enforcement of that order I will come back with more opinion when I have more time

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29/05/2014 8:30 pm
(@rob007)
Estimable Member Registered

Children: How do you enforce a Contact/Access Order?

How do you enforce a Contact/Access Order?

The Children and Adoption Act 2006

In brief

It has always been difficult to enforce contact orders, as judges have been reluctant to do so for fear of worsening the conflict between the child’s parents. Although powers exist to imprison parents who breach contact orders, and to transfer residence/custody to the other parent, the courts feel that to do so conflicts with their duty to make orders which are in the child’s best interests.

A few years ago, a very wide government consultation took place, to find out how contact could be ‘made’ to work. A new approach was taken, which aimed to deal more effectively with problem parents, by giving the courts novel and various new powers. The result was the Children and Adoption Act 2006 (CAA) which came into force on 8th December 2008. The aim of the CAA 2006 is to be tougher on parties who breach contact orders and to introduce new remedies to run parallel to the old ones.

Prior to CAA

Only remedy for breach of contact order was imprisonment by attachment of penal notice (breach of which entitled the court to jail the offender) and a fine for contempt of court.

New Powers relating to Contact Orders under CAA 2006

The court was given various new powers to order parents to attend parenting and other programmes, and even to impose Community Service-type penalties:

1. Making Contact Activity Directions and Contact Activity Conditions
◾3 types of Contact Activity Directions requiring a parent to attend:
1.Information /assessment meetings about mediation
2.Parenting information programmes
3.Domestic violence prevention programmes.
◾The court can make these directions at any time when a contact application is being considered.
◾The court has power to ask CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) for information in relation to the making of these orders. Cafcass employs Family Court Advisors, who work exclusively within the court system. They sit with judges on cases, and prepare reports. If requested, CAFCASS must inform the Court of appropriateness of making such orders, taking into account the local availability of the contact activities, the parent’s suitability to participate including their work and other commitments and whether it will actually make any difference.

2.Monitoring Contact Activity Directions and Contact Activity Conditions

The court can ask CAFCASS to monitor and report on a parent’s compliance of with the order (during proceedings and/or up to 12 months after, and set a review date to come back for another hearing.

3.Warning Notices
◾Court must attach a ‘Warning Notice’ to every contact order or variation of contact order made after 8th December 2008.
◾Warning notice sets out consequences of failing to comply ie. an enforcement order can be made and the subsequent consequences.
◾For contact orders made prior 8/12/08, applications can be made to have warning notice attached.

4. Making Enforcement Applications
◾Application made if warning notice to a contact order has been breached.
◾Court can impose an unpaid work requirement (40-200 hrs) (also known as community service).
◾Court must be satisfied beyond reasonable doubt that there is no reasonable excuse for non-compliance with the contact order.
◾The court will consider:
1.Necessity of enforcement order to ensure compliance
2. Likely effect including on religious beliefs or education/work arrangements
3.Availability of locally unpaid work
4.Welfare of child
◾CAFCASS will be sent a copy of application and make checks as to reported non-compliance.

5. Monitoring Enforcement Orders
◾CAFCASS will be asked to monitor any requirement for unpaid work imposed by the Court. The National Probation Service will undertake the monitoring and will report to CAFCASS.
◾CAFCASS must report to the Court of non-compliance without reasonable excuse or if party becomes unsuitable to perform unpaid work.
◾Other information should be reported to CAFCASS and then to the Court e.g. if party moves address and no new address has been given.

6. Compensation for Financial Loss

This is something that has concerned my clients over the years. Do they make and pay for arrangements and holidays when they are meant to have their children for contact, when the risk is that the child won’t be allowed to come?

This part of the new law sought to deal with those concerns:
◾A party may make an application for compensation of loss caused by the other party’s non-compliance with terms of the order.
◾Welfare of child considered by the Court.
◾Court can request information from CAFCASS as to welfare of child in relation to affect of one party paying compensation.

Conclusion

How have these new powers worked out? I have had made quite a few enforcement applications now, and as always, your chances of success depend on the attitude of your judge. The Warning Notices sound impressive, but although the law has changed, the mindset of the judges have not. The Financial Compensation Orders are helpful though, and can be used to good effect to ensure compliance.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30/05/2014 7:15 pm
(@rob007)
Estimable Member Registered

here is another good article

http://www.nuffieldfoundation.org/sites/default/files/files/enforcement%20briefing%20paper%20final.pdf

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30/05/2014 7:34 pm
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

rob007...As struggling dad is due back in court the case is still in progress so an enforcement order isn't applicable but as mentioned, he could ask for new directions and get the hearing brought forward because of the breach.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30/05/2014 8:54 pm
(@rob007)
Estimable Member Registered

id be interested to know why would an interim order be considered non enforceable.. I understand if its consented then it may be slightly weaker but its still an order. maybe im reading this wrong. is it more suitable to request for directions to enforce rather than an application for enforcement.....?

heres a good article..
Intractable, difficult, complex – whatever term is used for the sort of case when a child is resisting contact without objective justification – these are the hardest private law children cases to resolve. They often take a long time. They almost always result in considerable distress, whether that is for the child forced to do something they do not want to do, or the parent who regretfully abandons their quest for contact.

Of all the areas of family law, this is one of those where decisions made at a preliminary and interim stage of the litigation are the most crucial. When should assessments be sought? When should an application for interim contact be made? When is it appropriate to consider enforcement measures, including more draconian steps such as committal and transfer of residence? There is no correct formula which will solve every such case; however, guidelines can be given, such as those recently handed down by Mr Justice Hedley in Re E (A Child) [2011] EWHC 3521 (Fam).

This article sets out to discuss the considerations practitioners are likely to face when encountering cases of this kind.

To what extent should the child's wishes and feelings determine whether contact takes place?
This is a broad question, which cannot be conclusively addressed in a short article. However, the authorities discussed below (all rather helpfully entitled Re S) are a good starting point.

The traditional statement on wishes and feelings is that they carry greater weight the older a child is. In Re S (Minors) (Access; Religious Upbringing) [1992] 2 FLR 313, Butler-Sloss LJ said of children who were 13 and 11:

"Nobody should dictate to children of this age, because one is dealing with their emotions, their lives and they are not packages to be moved around. They are people entitled to be treated with respect."

Thorpe LJ gave the lead judgment in the more recent case of Re S (Contact: Intractable Dispute) [2010] 2 FLR 1517. In that case, the children were 12 and 13 years old respectively. They were clearly alienated from the father, whom they referred to as 'it'. A contact order was made at first instance, albeit with a provision that it was for the children to decide whether they would take up contact. His Lordship said that this burdened them with a responsibility they should not be asked to bear. The Court of Appeal set aside the condition and remitted the matter to the High Court for reconsideration.

In the case of Re S (Transfer of Residence) [2010] 1 FLR 1785 several contact orders and then eventually a transfer of residence order were made in the face of opposition from the child. The child was almost 11 years old at the time of the transfer of residence. The father had last had contact with him when he was 8 years old. The child was refusing to see his father. The mother either did not wish, or was not able, to persuade him to see his father. Some doubt was cast upon the child's true wishes and feelings by the instruction of a child and adolescent psychiatrist. The Deputy High Court Judge said (at [70]):

"I cannot and do not ignore S's expressed wishes and feelings. However, in the light of Dr W's evidence, it would be equally inappropriate for me to proceed on the basis that those expressed wishes and feelings should necessarily be taken at face value. They need to be assessed in the light of S's age and understanding. The impact of alienation upon the reliability of those wishes and feelings and the signs (albeit modest) that they may not in fact reflect his true feelings, are matters to be taken into account when assessing the weight to be attached to them."

In accordance with the Children Act 1989 s.1(3)(a), it is suggested that a child's wishes and feelings are likely to carry more weight the older the child is. However, the court also has to consider the child's understanding. Alienation from a non-resident parent may have a significant impact on an older child's understanding of his/her own circumstances, as noted in Re S above.

What are the resident parent's duties in respect of contact?
In Re L-W (Enforcement and Committal: Contact); CPL v CH-W and others [2010] EWCA Civ 1253, [2011] 1 FLR 1095 the Court of Appeal considered the resident parent's duties under a contact order when addressing the question of enforcement. The trial judge found that the resident parent had 'tried a bit, but not anywhere near hard enough and effectively enough to promote contact' (he would say to the child before contact: 'come on, let's get it over with'). At the committal hearing, the Circuit Judge had held at [26]:

"Contact is not optional to M [the child] or to the father as the resident parent. How does the father do that when M objects? It is part of his parenting skills – reasoning, persuading, cajoling, probably in the end sanctions… It is not for me to advise him how to do it."

On appeal, Munby LJ considered that put the requirement too high. A contact order was 'to make available'. There is a defence of impossibility of performance ('I couldn't get the child to go to contact'). As regards the question of committal for breach of the contact order, the father (the resident parent) was not under a duty to take all reasonable steps to ensure that contact happened.

Although the obligation on the non-resident parent was insufficient to found committal on the facts of that case, Munby LJ specifically said taking into account a failure to promote contact might be an entirely appropriate approach to a welfare determination [84]. Furthermore, the Court of Appeal's previous position on committal in B v S (Contempt: Imprisonment of Mother) [2009] EWCA Civ 548, [2009] 2 FLR 1005 was reiterated – it is an important weapon in the court's armoury and should not be discounted just because the subject is a primary carer of a child [95-96].

One of the Court of Appeal's criticisms of the trial judge's approach was that he did not identify specifically what the father should have done [82]; it may be that a more bespoke contact order is called for in such difficult cases (in other words, in contrast to the Circuit Judge's judgment above, it is for the court to tell the parent how to ensure that contact takes place).

For what it is worth, the writer does not agree with the outcome of Re L-W. It appears superficially to allow the resident parent a way to opt-out of the court's contact orders. However, there are sufficient helpful dicta to allow for future cases to be distinguished.

What options are available to the court in an intractable case?
There are broadly two approaches to this type of case: threat of sanctions against the resident parent or accepting that contact will proceed at the child's pace (either may involve some professional assistance). It is suggested that neither is the 'right' approach, and each case will stand on its own facts.

Sanctions
The court may wish to consider committal or enforcement orders under CA 1989 s.11J (unpaid work requirement) or s.11O (financial compensation orders). Sometimes the threat of these measures is as effective as the execution. An 'unless' order might be considered in appropriate circumstances.

Transfer of residence is often another remedy of last resort. It was attempted in Re S (above) and subsequent judgments on the question of enforcement was reported as [2010] EWCA Civ 325. Initially, the Deputy High Court Judge ordered that the transfer of residence was effected directly by the tipstaff. The Court of Appeal determined that it was in the child's best interests for there to be a bridging foster placement. Sadly the transfer of residence was unsuccessful. The child was exhibiting signs of depressive illness and the father reluctantly withdrew his application.

Professional involvement
The right Guardian or Family Support Worker can be invaluable in facilitating contact handovers and overcoming that initial hurdle of distress at separating from the primary carer. Practitioners will be aware, however, that appointment of a Guardian can result in delay – something which should be avoided if possible in cases where a child's positive memories of the non-resident parent are fading. There will be cases which meet the threshold for local authority involvement (such as Re S (Transfer of Residence)).

There is likely to be an assessment by a child and adolescent psychiatrist in these matters, in order to assess better the reliability of wishes and feelings and whether there is an objective reason for resisting contact. Some experts will facilitate contact sessions themselves, and research indicates that this can have great success, but it is entirely dependent upon finding a child psychiatrist who is so willing.

Some Independent Social Workers will facilitate a contact visit. However, the court putting its trust in professionals to ensure contact takes place has significant risks. A professional is unable to exercise the level of parental discipline or control which the primary carer can. Such a step should not be seen as taking away from the parents the burden of making contact happen.

The parents can be given professional help for their roles. Counselling for both parents was ordered in the case of Re P (Children) [2008] EWCA Civ 1431. That was a case in which there had been findings of domestic violence, so it is arguable that there was an objective justification for the children's resistance which needed to be surmounted. Courts now tend to order Parenting Information Programmes in these cases; if this is to have a positive effect it is better done earlier in the process.

Insofar as ordering therapy for the child, this can be very difficult to achieve in practice because CAMHS are reluctant to accept cases which do not cross a relatively high clinical threshold. They have tended to require not just an irrational fear of contact, but also the unqualified support of both parents (which is quite rare in intractable cases). Moreover, the basis upon which the therapy takes place would need to be clear as the parents' accounts of the background and issues in the case may diverge significantly.

Conscious decision not to force contact
There will be times when a 'softly, softly' approach is more effective, for example, when some contact is occurring or there is a positive response to indirect contact.

It bears noting that in Re S (Transfer of Residence), the child did say that he would consider seeing the father after he completed his GCSEs. To force the issue any further might have eliminated this possibility.

Case management
In order to become alienated, it follows that a non-parent will have once enjoyed a positive relationship with their child. Unfortunately, happy memories can fade. Delay, then, is even more inimical to the welfare of the child in cases with the hallmarks of alienation. An applicant needs to build a case for a contact order, but there is a risk that delays occur which are not all purposeful. Plainly, a child and adolescent psychiatrist should normally be instructed in these cases, but practitioners should ask themselves whether any further delays are justifiable.

In Re E (A Child) [2011] EWHC 3521 (Fam), Mr Justice Hedley gave some helpful guidance on case management which should be of assistance to practitioners at an early stage of the court process. The first point is that intractable cases should work towards an early welfare hearing rather than getting tied up in fact-finding hearings (at [11]):

"it is extremely important, both for courts and advisers, to spot at an early stage those cases which have the hallmarks of difficulty, let alone intractability, about them ... it is extremely important that the parties at a relatively early stage have an opportunity to give evidence not against each other, as happens in fact-finding hearings, but in respect of the interests of the child which are all too easily lost in the maelstrom of allegations"

A further point was made about transfer to the High Court. It is well known that judicial continuity is of particular importance in intractable cases. It is impossible for the High Court to deliver the required continuity. His Lordship suggested a compromise where a case is to be transferred (at [14]): the matter should be transferred not absolutely but for directions in the first instance so that the High Court Judge can (a) consider whether the case should remain or be transferred back down and (b) if the latter, at least a new mind can be applied to the issues.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 31/05/2014 5:54 pm
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

To add a further application to existing proceedings you would need to submit form C2 which costs £90 ....so why make a further application under existing proceedings, that costs more money, when it can be dealt with at the next hearing. A request can be made for further and urgent new directions with the court, citing breach of the interim order. Generally a judge will reschedule the next hearing and bring it forward, sometimes not....but to be honest the wheels of family justice grinds so slowly and the judge may just see further separate applications as vexatious.

If a completely new application is made to run separately from the existing proceedings it's likely that the two cases would be joined together under the umbrella of the first case anyway, in which case it would just be a waste of £215

An interim order is just that, and can be, and often is, replaced at the next hearing, where it can be challenged and modified.

Perhaps instead of saying the enforcement order isn't applicable, I should have said the application isn't necessary.... or suitable, as you have said.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 31/05/2014 7:06 pm
rob007 and rob007 reacted
(@Nannyjane)
Illustrious Member Registered

...having looked at my sons interim orders they do have a warning notice attached so in that respect an application for enforcement could be made, however I think Mojos comments are valid too.

I'd be interested to hear what others think about this.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 01/06/2014 5:54 pm
Page 1 / 2
Share:

Pin It on Pinterest