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My 3yr old daughter just got back from a two week holiday overseas with her mother and I have missed her a lot. We have a lovely, close relationship and she always seems very happy (laughing, etc) when she's with me.
As I was putting her down for a nap, I told her I loved her and she said "I don't love you, Daddy. I love Mummy" and then repeated "I don't love you" 3 or 4 times. I was speechless (and heartbroken obvs) and couldn't think of the right thing to say, so didn't say anything at all and just put her down.
It was crushing, but when she woke up everything was normal.
She never tells me she loves me, even when I say it to her she will just reply with "OK".
Of course I never pick her up on it or pressure her to say it in return, despite how much I want to hear it. But this "I don't love you Daddy" is new.
Although she's 3yrs old so..
I don't know if this is just "baby talk", quite normal for a little girl to say she loves Mummy and not Daddy or wether there is parental alienation going on behind the scenes.
My ex doesn't have a new partner (to my knowledge) since we split in June, and I have my daughter one overnight, plus a couple of other days per fortnight (although am fighting for more with a Final Hearing in two weeks).
Any advice would be appreciated as don't want to jump to conclusions if this is 'normal' behaviour.
Thanks Dads
It does sound to me as though it's something that her mother has encouraged, and it obviously is heartbreaking to hear it, but it sounds as though she's wanting to spend time with you anyway, so I would put it down to her mother, and not how your daughter really feels. I certainly don't think you should make an issue of it as I think that will make matters worse.
@DannyK I would agree with @actd - keep on doing what you are doing, telling your daughter you love her, and not making an issue out of it if she says she doesn't love you, especially if her actions and behaviour suggest that she is very happy to be with you. Little kids do have a way of saying things they don't really mean or understand, although it's sometimes hard for us to hear. I hope the final hearing goes smoothly and that you can agree a clear way forward for spending time with your daughter.
Hello @DannyK,
Thanks for sharing, it’s understandable that you feel sad when your daughter says this, but I would echo the advice of the posts above and keep on telling her like you do that you love her.
Another thing I would like to add, there are some great books that I used to read with my kids when they were young that may help too.
Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney (this comes in hardback also with puzzles of the pictures as well as the story)
There are others - if you have a look online. I’m sorry I can’t remember the other ones, but reading is a simple way to bond with your daughter and to talk about the story using pictures. The fact that she spends time with you and let’s you do things like put her to bed, are positive too.
Just take one day at a time, and like Caravan, I wish you all the best for the court hearing.
kind regards,
Fegans Parent Support Volunteer
Everything will be fine.
I really mean it. At the age of 3, your daughter is very young. Stronger attachment with mum is normal, especially if she’s the main caregiver and the child hasn’t started reception or pre-school. Listen to her but don’t take everything she says literarily - Cafcass don’t.
Hence why they have a preference for ascertaining a child wishes through observation rather than expressed wishes.
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