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Hi all
I have a 9 year old son, who I see on alternate weekends & in the holidays, I have PR & a good relationship with my son's mother.
I will firstly hold my hands up & say I was a terrible father for many years, he was the result of a rebound relationship for both me & his mum (I'd come out of an 8 years r'ship & her a 4 year one) - I didn't want her to go ahead with the pregnancy & after she decided to, my long term ex wanted to get back together, but only on the understanding I never saw the child. I ashamedly agreed & had nothing to do with my son until he was 4 other than making maintenance payments.
When he was 4 I came to my senses & asked to be involved, she said I could as long as I was consistent with contact & didn't mess my son around, & we have got on well since.
She is a fantastic mother & my son is a credit to her, however the reason for my post is this : my son has severe learning difficulties, dylexia with all sorts of side issues thrown in, he is incredibly bright & can hold a conversation far beyond his years, but give him a pen or paper & his brain shuts down.
In the last 5 years he has attended 4 different schools & been home schooled for a year. the first school was state school & he was so traumatised he could only speak with a stutter, after that my ex home schooled him to try & raise his confidence then he was put into private school (paid for by his mum) - for various reasons he has been in 3 private schools in 3 years, mostly its due to the teachers finding it hard to give him what he needs & focus on the rest of the class too.
In september he started a specialist private school for children with learning difficulties & educationally has been doing really well. However my ex has now decided she doesn't want him to return this next term & that its clear to her that no where can give him what he really needs & she wants to go back to the home schooling involving specialist tutors & herself.
He reason for this is because many of the children in this school have behavioural issues & their places are paid for by councils due to state schools not being able to cope with them. While his reading is coming on, he has also learnt every swear word under the sun, all about drugs & [censored] & there is a lot of violence. He is a very placid child but in the 3 weeks before the end of term, he was violent towards 3 children on seperate ocassions & was sent to the head on these ocassions.
My ex says she isn't paying 7k a term for him to turn into a thug & she can give him what he needs at home. I think he needs the stability fof not being constantly moved & developing friendships that will last & I do think a school environment is important.
I know I don't deserve any kind of father of the year medals, but do I have a leg to stand on with this?
Hi There,
as you have said your ex is a good mother, I think I would agree with her that if this school is having a negative impact on him with the violence and swearing then I think I would want to take him out of the school, even more so if I had to pay for the privalidge too.
That said I also agree that your son needs to interact with children of his own age to allow him to develope social skills.
I think that maybe home schooling would be good for your son with the help of tutors to give the added help needed, but maybe he could go to some clubs to be able to interact with other children.
I would also agree with your fears of him being moved from school to school but maybe the home schooling would help this too as long as your ex commits to sticking to it and not moving him on again.
GTTS
I agree with GTTS. It sounds as though you have a very good relationship with your ex, so I would see how you can work together on this - I really think that between you, you could come out with a fantastic outcome for your son. I'm glad you 'came to your senses' - sounds like it was the best thing you ever did, and also well done to your ex for laying down reasonable rules for the benefit of your son, and then playing fair by them.
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