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Hello to all,
Just to introduce I am a dad of 3. 2 child with my wife, 1 child with a previous partner
I recently face allegation made against me by my wife sister of assault, the police after having taking me and my interview saw that all the allegation where false and untrue (I believe) they say they refuse charge based on the evidence did not meet. I felt so released as I have done nothing wrong and I felt I was the one assaulted. My wife that started the argument fully supported her on the allegation.
Either way I went home and down like a dog humiliated and very isolated find that my wife left for the week end with my 2 kids without telling me anything or where she has gone. during the week end I collected my first boy, I decided that I needed to get away for few days as this really hurt me.
Now I wrote a letter to my wife saying that I was hurt, I felt this is a tipping point, and although the tenancy is on my name (she only lived with me for 4 years) She has made no sign of willing to talk, and if she belive in the allegation she made I can't see us staying together and as she clain I try to hurt her to seek emergency accommodation as I cant afford to live anywhere else at the moment. (borderline broke)
I reminded her I do not kick her out but we may head to a divorce but I want to seek mediation.
I explain that if she wanted to leave the house as she has family and connection in the county I will have no choice than to support her decision.
I remind her that I love my children and they mean the world to me so did she. But if this is the way we are heading I suggested contact with the kids.
Either way on my return I find the house almost emptied, my wife left with the kids I have tried several time to ask about the children she hasn't reply any to any contact has denied any access. I didn't know where my children are nothing.
10 days following I received at my house a non molestation order and occupancy order. Reading it make me cry. She accusing me of atrocity and making up some event from a month after we meet to before our wedding and some recently. I was speechless.
Now the biggest part is I have my first boy 2/3 night a week at the house as well she want me out stated she is at risk of been hurt.
I denied all allegation and preparing a reply to the notice with as much evidence to prove my right. But She is attacking full blast. CSA already requested etc.
Now she stated that she applied for social housing, that they proposed her a refuge at the moment but she refused as she felt it not good for her and the kids. She I believed staying at her parent but I am not sure and do not try to find out as I was served with notice.
She refused to work throughout our relationship and its only few week before the event since I Got hill she accepted to do 10 hour a week.
Now I am in panic mode as I felt I will not only loose my house event if its rented I have attachments to the area. And loosing access to my child based on the allegation she made. (totally untrue btw)
I am not a UK born and have no family anywhere or friends that can support me. I now wonder what to do.
I am scared, I spoken to CAB and try to take a solicitor but I have a very small budget.
I spoken to my landlord he told me its a monthly rolling if you are out I am not leaving anyone in the house and as far as he is concerned I f I leave the property he should find it empty.
My wife cant afford the rent for sure, and she claim that her job is local to the house so hence one of the reason she should kick me out.
What to think or to do.
I put in order
1 defend on the allegation
2 make provision in case I got kicked out so take my cloths and my kid toy and cloth out.
3 if I am allowed to stay get back and file for child care arrangement if iam out find somewhere to live.
4 then file for divorce
the question is what would you advise? I take anything to give me some guidance. I reply to the statement, I prepare myself for the worst.
BUt I am scared that if I loose this will give ammunition that could affect child care arrangement Am I right?
finally she is attacking full blast Child maintenance claim is already filed, she has empty the bank account as well btw leaving me with limited recourses.
Finally we are married for 2 years, she use to work on zero hour contract before I meet her bring her around £800 she got kicked out of by her flatmate hence I ask her to live with me back in the day. Since she felt pregnant the day she took maternity she refused to help financialy and work leaving me for years to work 7 days a week. Hence I got hill.
Now I pay a rent of £800 plus council taxe bill the house cost me £1300, I pay csa to the mother of my first child 170 she is asking 250, I also have to pay for the car on finance 200.
Left over 150 for food, cloths and don't event think I can save.
Now would I expect to get a request for spousal maintenance?
If I don't have 2 bedroom I wont be allowed overnight stay anymore of any of my kids.
I am completely doomed and ruined on the top of heartbroken. Any advise please share on what would you suggest.
Hi there
I'm so sorry you are in such a desperate situation, it would be sensible to try and get some legal advice, some solicitors offer a free initial consultation which might be helpful.
You could also attend a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area, where you will get face to face advice and support. Here's a link to their website where you'll find information about meetings across the country
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings
Try not to think too far ahead, it's important that you concentrate on dealing with the non molestation and occupancy orders. Try and get a letter from your landlord stating that the tenancy is in your name only and also tell the court that you have responsibility for your first child 3 nights a week and have a responsibility towards him.
I think you have done what you can up to now. You must attend court and if you have any evidence/proof that the allegations didn't happen, you should take them with youto the court hearing and let the judge know you have them.
Please do keep us informed and if you have any specific questions please just ask.
Best of luck
Afternoon and thanks for your message.
Update on what happened.
So I was advise by my solicitor to do a cross on molestation as I had some clear allegations and evidence of abuses that my wife has done to me. Threat and sad stories. Now this was hard as I felt it’s dirty water but my solicitor advise me.
I reply to her allegations bringing in detail my version and clearly denied the so call abuse she alleged.
But before I made the cross non molestation i wanted because I’m fully in love to give another chance.
So I ask my solicitor to write a letter asking both part to do an undertake in court and we should all follow mediation and counselling. If this didn’t work we then will separated but I wanted to give a chance to my marriage.
After waiting and the other part not replying on time and pushing it to the Friday before the Monday hearing we got a reply that she refused and wanted to go in court.
I then place my non molestation and on the Monday we both seat in court.
I was clear to the judge this was as he said (car fighting ) and shouldn’t even be in court and wasting tax payer money.
It was apparent to her solicitor that the claim for my rented home would not be allowed to go ahead (she made a residency order too) as the landlord rent to me and I solely paid my rent for 5 years I’m the tenant on the rent and that if I was to leave he will not rent to her.
So she had to drop the residency order.
As for the non molestation she refused undertake and the judge said if no one bulge we would go on a full earring and remind us it will cost a lot of money.
My solicitor told me it can cost me from £2k to £5k.
I can afford that so I had no choice of dropping my order as I need the fund to live (survive) and children access.
She kept her order and even if I haven’t touch her , talked to her approach her I had no choice on surrendering.
Now she took the children and so far it’s been 1.5 month I only got 2 hours of supervised access.
This drive me to depression and affect my mental health and my work enormously.
I want to see my children but I still love her and I feel bad to put her to court now for the children.
My solicitor advise me to fill in a c100 and a c1a to go court directly as she mention I won’t need mediation.
But in the other hand a common friend told me she loves me and she needed space from me and from her family that push her away from me.
Now I waited but in my head I’m confused as my heart can’t stop thinking of her but my head tell me she clearly hurted you and I need to get access to my child’s.
I have asked Mediation unit to work anyhow and paid for it to see how can I get access to my child.
Now I know she loves at her parent and wait for a council house. And it sound to me that she think that once in her council accommodations she will slowly talk to me.
But I can’t wait 1 year or more that she get a home as she isn’t homeless to maybe get back together?
And my kids need me, my son was in tears when I saw him those 2 hours supervised, he couldn’t stop crying saying I love you daddy I want to go home with you.
This broke me.. in million of pieces.
Now I want to get access but find it hard to believe that I will get what ? 1 week end every two weeks ?
I find it really hard to believe that my kids that I raise love and care since day one and more will only see me so little.
But as I was told . You work she Doesnt work or hardly work and the kids will go to her as you are at work and not been able to look after them day time.
Best interest....
so welcome to a world where if you work you are worst Off.
but the society will pay her for council home , tax credit , child maintenance full block from me child benefit etc...
Unfair
Now I don’t really know what to think
I could have my child home with me I drop them to the local pre school and nursery and pick them up after work like so many working parent but looks like it’s not good enough.
Any though on what to ask ? Any dad in the same situation can advise on what would be best to ask? Or get ? If I had no choice of going to court
Thanks
Just to follow up
I have now taken the case to court for gaining access to my children as the mother refused to let me see my child except 2 hours every 2/3weeks always supervised and always at a different location
I hope thing get sorted and I can move on
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