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hi
son is 3 yrs old part time nursery due to start full time sept 2017
current court order states as follows
contact every weekend
pickup friday afternoon set time set location (keeping it vague as its internet)
sat sun
1st 2 weeks of month drop off on sunday evening to mother at set location
2nd two weeks of month drop off to nursery mondy morning
(this was based on shift patterns of work)
xmas/bthday etc half day each
then court order states that as of sept 2017 contact will be Friday pick up sat sun, drop to nursery morning but alternative weekends
and a weekly midweek contact after nursery day and times to be agreed by parents
however at the time it didnt occur to me that this pattern would clash with my shifts as when im working afternoon it would mean that 1 of the weeks I wouldnt be able to drop nursery mind morn due to morning shift and when on afternoons the midweek contact can't take place
Also the other issue i have is the journey is 1 hour pickup return and 1 hour drop off return
so in essence a during week evening contact would mean me only having about 2 hours actual time with my son...if i need to drop him back by say 8pm for bedtime
I have thought of a proposal but my ex and her family are pure evil and i doubt would entertain it
my suggestion is have the alternative weekends as per court order ( As she wanted "quality leisure time with son...even though he hates being around her and screams his head off every time i drop him off)
and when its the second week...i collect him say friday and drop him sat morning by 12 noon...to allow the so called quality time she wants (where actually its just a con to get more cash of CMS due to less overnights)
so how do i approach it...if she doesnt agree to anything she would be in breach as it states midweek contact to take place on court order.
but not agreeing to a day/schedule...is that a specific issue order application then..
As the court order is due to start sept ..when is the best time to get ball rolling to get it sorted in time?
Also could i argue that its wrong/strange that there has been a step backwards/reduction in contact from current scenario and that it should remain in place?
any advice ?
Hi
If you are unable to agree a way forward with the mother, you can apply to the court to vary the order although this will require an attempt at mediaiton.
Courts generally try to ensure that children get an opportunity to spend alternate weekends with their parents, so if you aren't able to agree it between you, it's something to bear in mind if you ask the court to make a decision.
They could say for example, why don't you see your child for dinner on the Wednesdays.
Good luck
hi
the court order states alternative weekends as you say and 1 mid week contact . the issue i have is what one in 4 weeks i wont be able to see my son during midweek as i will be on the twilight shift,
my suggested proposal would still allow my son to be with the mother on the alternate weekend just a case of pickup friday evening and drop of saturday morning. this would make logistic sense distance/ time wise and not clash with my shift pattern.
so will it be a specific issue order or an application to vary the order do you think?
I think it's an application to vary the order - a specific issue order is generally for a single event or instruction, whereas you wish to vary the order that is currently in place. Is there no chance your ex will agree to it without going back to court?
hi
i will try and ask,.....but if there was some sort of agreement or she was the type to co-operate then to be honest i wouldnt have had the need to go through 9 months of court/contact centres and the rest
But no harm in asking. its part of the process anyway
1st step. write a letter explaining position, give 2/3 options/aternatives, see what she replies (if at all)
2nd step mediation
3rd step court
Im not totally asking to vary the order either....the order states friday sat sun 1 week....mid week contact week 2 (day time to be agreed) friday sat sund 3rd week
i accept the alternate weekend thing is what the courts see as normal (despite the child living with the mother 70% of time aswell). its just that the midweek contact wont be possible when im working an afternoon shift which will be 1 in 4 .
so it is a specific issue that the court order clashes with my shift patterns (which havent changed since the original final hearing) its just that the judge made the decision there and then in court and was stating the order as he was going along...so probably didnt look into deep enough to realise that it would clash in a years time
i will start ball rolling this week with a letter, give her 7 days to consider and reply, if not mediation
Is mediation free if one of the parents is on benefits or will i need to pay and she gets it free?
The first sessiom, or MIAM is free if one of the parents is on benefits.
thanks
who would you recommend is better for mediation (less bias like cafcass) my section 7 report recommended Relate and iv had my SPIP with them....what about NFM?
and finally
If we are to make an agreement
I would like it on paper incase she decides to change her mind
so whats the procedure..is it as follows
1) draft it in writing myself referring to the existing court order and point out changes
2) go to mediation and confirm we both agree
3) and then get them to send off for a consent order ?
I dont mind paying the court fees as long as i have got something in writing
It's always a good idea to shop around for mediation, they all charge differently and giving them a call for a quick chat might give you a feel for how they are to deal with. NFM are pretty good, some solicitors also offer this service, so as I say, shop around.
If you can reach an agreement at mediation it can be made into a Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) whilst not legally binding, it does show intent and wouldn't look good if either party went back on it afterwards.
If both parties agree, what has been agreed in mediation can be transferred to a consent order via court, making it legally binding.
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