[Solved] How old does a child need to be for mediation?

Can I ask why you would want your child to attend mediation and how old they are? It's quite unusual for children to attend mediation.

I don't want my child to go to mediation. My ex wants us all to go, so she can she can get my child to tell me that she doesn't want to stay for more than one night at a time with me (which is more than acceptable within the court order) in front of a witness, basically. My daughter has actually said to me before, on her own accord, 'Mummy says I mustn't forget to tell you that I only want to stay one night with you in case I end up staying for longer...but I do want to stay for longer with you.' Says it all really!

I think I would refuse to attend something like this totally as a child should not have the weight of that responsibility on their shoulders.

If you have a court order that allows for more than one night and the mother is breaching, you would be better to apply for enforcement and have the adults make all the decisions.

I totally agree with you. I was basically asking, because if she's too young anyway, then my ex can't keep harassing me about going, as she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

It is very unusual to involve children in mediation for the purpose you're talking about. If parents can't agree, then a court application and Cafcass speaking to the child is more appropriate. The mother can't control the narrative, If one overnight stay is fine, there shouldn't be any reason for two.

“Mummy says I mustn't forget to tell you that I only want to stay one night with you in case I end up staying for longer...but I do want to stay for longer with you”

Something that alarms me within the statement….basically your ex is trying to prevent more than one night a week….why would she want to do that?

You could give me 3 guesses but i only need one and i’d bet my mortgage on it that i’m right!
You having your child more than 52 nights per year and her maintenance gets dropped and if she receives them then so does her tax credits etc…!

I’ve just learned of a friend of a friend who was battling for over 8yrs his ex for more contact with his children…his ex refused more than the 52nights per year threshold for CSA. Recently one of his kids has decided that they don’t want to live with the mother and wants to live with Dad… off he goes to court…long story short because of childs age 12 the court listened to child and allowed it to happen.

Now the ex gets the same as he was once “allowed” by her… one over night per week and two 2-3hr visits during the week (for tea time). at these she has been commenting to the child on how because child has gone to live with the dad that she is now £750/month worse off and she may not be able to buy child a big birthday or Christmas present this year or take both children on holiday….
Talk about trying emotional blackmail!

So…when mothers refuse fathers overnights and extending contact for more time just remember greed and spite may be the biggest reasons!

Yoda - I think so too. My daughter is far too young to be taking part in such a serious conversation. I am waiting on the decision from Legal Aid as we speak, as I'm hoping to go back to court this summer. The current court order states I am to have half of all holidays, and I am allowed to have my daughter stay with me for up to a week at a time, which I really want for the summer holiday.

dad-i-d - That's interesting. I didn't know that! So, it was okay that your mate was paying her maintenance, but now the tables have turned and she's got to pay him maintenance, she's not up for it? Funny that - one thing thing for the mother, and another for dad.

I've always paid child maintenance. I have my daughter for one overnight stay a week, and half the holidays (I rarely get the full half), but she usually lets me have two nights in a row and no more. It's just lately that she has started saying no more than one night at a time during the holidays. I'm not sure how that works with what you're saying? Whether it's something I should be looking into? Because I seem to be having my daughter more than 52 weeks a year.

If you already have an order in place that states half of all holidays and your ex is refusing, she would be in breach of the order and you can return to court under an enforcement application, which means mediation isn’t required prior to court action.what weekly/fortnight contact is ordered and is she sticking to that?

As far as maintenance is concerned, 52 nights up to 103 would give a reduction of 1/7th of the weekly amount. 104 nights up to 155 nights would see a2/7ths reduction and so on.

Yeah, just waiting on Legal Aid in regards to returning to court, hopefully very soon. Mediation is her idea, and I can't see her getting very far with it.

I'm supposed to have my daughter two days and one night per week, which she has been cutting me short on, and messing around with for a long time now.

I'm hoping to get the whole court order tightened up, as she's breaching it all over the place, and sort out some harassment issues, as well as a lot of other bits and bobs!

As she appears to be in breach of the order, you can just apply for enforcement and bypass mediation if you wanted to.

Most enforcement hearings end with a variation of the order anyway so it might cut down on costs and wasted time in mediation.

Mediation works for a lot of people, but when you've already got a court order in place, chances are it won't work for you.

I would be surprised if you can get Legal Aid for court and self-repping is fairly straight forward with something like this.

Best of luck

I noticed that you mentioned about while you’re in court again you’re looking to sort out some harassment issues.
I assume you have evidence of the harassment so have you reported the harassment to the police to get it on record?
Reason i ask is i had evidence but didn’t report it as i was made to feel like i was being pathetic, however she later tried to get the police involved claiming i was harassing her….took me ages to fight that one with the proof and she still tries that stunt when i’ve re-applied to court….it’s all very easily dis-proved but adds so much delay as the courts have to make sure they not overlooking it.
May be worth considering!