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after splitting with my ex partner 18months I was originally living on a friends sofa for 6 months and seeing my son 3 times a week. 6 months on I met my new partner, who I have now been with for a year, and gradually moved in with her. when the ex caught wind she started being difficult, cutting my hours down and quizzing our 4yr old every time I took him back as to whether he had been to my house and met my partner - despite this I saw him every week without fail!
then out of the blue I get a solicitors letter saying that my inconsistencies have made my son distressed and that I cannot see him until we have come to an agreement on fixed access. GREAT! I thought. I was finally bullied into 2hours a week on a sunday, which would be reviewed after 4-5weeks - my son is still not allowed to my house at this point, despite the solicitors letters saying she has no problem with it. 5 weeks pass and I request longer with my son on a sunday to which I get….."not yet"…..and "because you are only pretending to be a good dad at the moment and you arent fooling me." after exhausting every possible activity within the 2 hour time limit (especially when it is raining and has to be somewhere indoors) I requested that my son be allowed to visit my home and asked her opinion on how we should introduce this to our son. To which I have now been denied access AGAIN until we have undertaken mediation as she has told the solicitor that I have gone against the agreement and she can not trust me to not take him somewhere dangerous????
My ex is refusing to use any other mediation program that isnt the one her solicitor offers, despite it being double the price of the one I have researched. Can I be made to go to the one she has stated? And does it look bad if I refuse but offer alternatives?
any other advice for mediation is very welcome as I don’t know what to expect!
Hi
Just read your post little confused firstly have you been to court or applied for an order to be made ?
I don’t understand how a solicitor can start instructing without a court order as to access arrangements?
I would make sure you have everything noted when you had your son for how long and how access has been changed,
I feel that as you have found suitable mediator you want to use unless she is willing to pay the difference or the more expensive one then cannot see why you shouldn’t be able to use yours.
I would apply to the courts via a C100 the court would like to see you have tried mediation first but even if it’s refused you can get the mediator to state this then that is good enough ,
I think your ex is just using her power and control over you and getting a solicitor when not court order has been asked for seems very strange, -( it might be common practice? ) maybe by way of intimidating
Call one of the free legal advise lines and to see where you stand ,
Good luck .
Thanks for the reply Eric14. There is no court order and the courts are not involved yet but I have received a letter from her solicitor saying that access has been denied as I can not be trusted and we now need to attend mediation. If i turned up to collect my son at the time agreed it would just end up in a fight with her and her parents, so although her solicitor can't legally decide on my access, there isnt much I can do to still see my son - apologies if I'm totally wrong, I have no idea what I'm doing at the moment, this is all new to me and I'm really struggling.
Thanks for your advice re the mediation. fingers crossed
i think it's worth you giving Coram Children's Legal Centre a call it's
Free Legal Advice - google for there website /number
i am sure they will be able to help or atleast give you some information as it seems your very much in the dark, whatever you do , please do not enter into any arguements etc with your ex she may use this against you ,
as you said this is about seeing your son , CORAM will be able to advise on your options,
Hey There,
First thing is stay calm & you're in the right place for help - don't do anything silly that will jeopardise your case.
There are some sticky posts about family law processes including form filling/ attending court etc so have a read.
As Eric says get some legal advice - CORAM CLC are very good, CAB (free legal advice) or if you have budget use a solicitor.
Your ex is playing an unfair (common) tactic of not letting you see your child due to changes in your life.
Fact - you are a father that has the right to see your child.
Your ex & her solicitor are playing a silly game - keep all letters/ e-mails & communications - if it goes to court - then the judge won't like it that her solicitor has been trying to play the role of the family court !!!
Start with mediation - your benchmark is seeing your son 3 times a week again & (if possible) leading to overnight visits.
My Personal Advice; be prepared & submit the application form (C100) for a contact order (agreed days/ time schedule) now as court dates tend to be several months away.
The diminished (trend by your ex for) contact with your son is never a good sign - mediation might work - but with a solicitor involved it becomes less amicable & more court fee based driven.
Good Luck & we're here.
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