[Solved] How can i stop unwanted contact from my Ex?

I agree that it isn't a trivial matter - this sort of thing can put a great strain on a relationship, so you are right to ask for help.

You will need to apply for a Prohibited Steps order to do this through the courts, could be included with any action you need to take under the Childrens Act.

A cheaper option may be to look at blacklisting her for your emails, and also to look at whether there is any software available for your phone to block her number (I found - but haven't used - a program for my phone that gives a range of options for blocking calls, one of which is to answer the call and hang up automatically, so the caller doesn't even get the option to leave a voice message).

Thank you Actd,

The web has the definition of a prohibited steps order as:

"This is an Order made under section 8 of the Children Act 1989 and prohibits a person with Parental Responsibility from carrying out a particular act in relation to a child."

It seems to relate to controlling the movements of the children or things such as enrolling them in schools, changing surnames etc.

Do you mean that I could use it to also prevent unwanted contact also?

Hi mrjt70,

Welcone to theforum - sounds like a tricky situation. I will pass this on to our Legal experts to see if they are able to reply regarding this issue.

Gooner

Do you mean that I could use it to also prevent unwanted contact also?

I believe so - the Children's Legal Centre will confirm - let's face it, any such communication has to have an effect on the children, but as far as I am aware, the court can make any such order they deem appropriate once a case is in front of them.

Hi Mrjt70

I'm sorry your ex is behaving like this towards you andI can imagine the effect its having on you and your relationship. It may be that her behaviour is deemed to be harassment which in itself is a crime. You might want to get advice about a harassment order or an injunction.

Jamie

Hi mrjt70,

Welcone to theforum - sounds like a tricky situation. I will pass this on to our Legal experts to see if they are able to reply regarding this issue.

Gooner

Thank you Gooner, much appreciated.

JT

Hi Mrjt70

I'm sorry your ex is behaving like this towards you and I can imagine the effect its having on you and your relationship. It may be that her behaviour is deemed to be harassment which in itself is a crime. You might want to get advice about a harassment order or an injunction.

Jamie

Thanks Jamie, I did go to a police station last year at a time when i was getting alot of texting abuse from her. They told me that there were no grounds for harassment as she wasn't threatening me with physical harm or violence, or using directly threatening language, or coming to my house. Unfortunately she seems to be subtle enough in her behavior to not be breaking any laws. I know that the effect her unwanted contact has on me my not be as distressing to someone else. Surely i have the legal right to stop her communicating with me directly? Of course if there is a medical emergency, or a genuine issue with the children, then we need to have some agreed means of contact. But does anyone have any experience of how realistically to achieve this?

Although we have had solicitors involved in the past, she has derailed the process before any actual agreement has been signed up between us. I think on reflection that it's time I made the situation legal again, get access times & holiday split dates drawn up & set in stone, & have something with legal standing in place with regard to the manner in which she is allowed to make contact with me. I have shied away from the courts previously, hoping that we could avoid the upset & expense, but the very real threat that this is having on my new relationship is a wake up call. I've been absorbing & burying her flack for so long that it's become 'normal' to me, & I've realised that it's not healthy for me to carry on like this anymore.

Does this sound like the right thing to do? Does anyone have experience of where best to start the process?

Again, any similar experience shared or advice most welcome...

JT.

This sounds similar to some of the experiences I had. One word of advice I would give is that whatever communication she sends to you, do not respond at all (unless you need to in relation to contact etc, in which case, limit your response to that issue). Keep accurate records of all communications (time/date/content).

I know very well what the effect can be on your current relationship, so it does need resolving.

If you are going back to court over contact issues etc, then there is little extra cost in including a prohibited steps order (the only additional cost is your solicitors time) - if you go beyond a conciliation hearing, then the PS order can be addressed at the same time (the conciliation hearing can't address this as they can only issue an order by consent, and it's unlikely that your ex would consent regarding this) - The Children's Legal Centre will hopefully fill in the detail of what I have said here.

Thanks once again for your reply Actd. I've spent some time this morning reading through alot of other cases on the site & am beginning to get a feel for what i could/should do next. I'll wait until i've heard from the Childrens Legal Centre before deciding exactly what course to follow. & you're of course right about not responding, it only serves to fuel the next wave of unpleasantness...

Dear Mrjt70,

Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, an independent charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people.

Prohibited Steps Orders are generally used to stop someone from doing something in relation to the children. Your ex partner contacting you would not fall into this category and so the family courts would not become involved in this matter unless it was regarding your children.
Should your matter go back to court for any other issue then you are able to mention this and the court can direct the mother not to contact you if they feel it is required, however it is not likely that the court would look at this as a separate issue.

Firstly you should keep any correspondence sent to you so that these can be shown as evidence if and when required.

You are able to report any harassment to the police and they may be able to make a harassment order to attempt to stop the mother from contacting you. There may be further action taken for breaching such an order.

You would also have the option of speaking with a solicitor to attempt to gain an injunction against the mother. This is an order to stop a person from doing something, such as to stop your ex partner from contacting you.
In some cases a power of arrest will be attached to an injunction and it is an offence to breach these.

We hope this information is useful to you, should you require any further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help.

Kind Regards

Children’s Legal Centre

Thank you very much for this advise. I will act upon it asap.

Is there a list of solicitors that have been used by members somewhere on this site i wonder? I am in London...

JT.

The solicitor I use is in London - I'd definitely recommend him. I'll PM you his details.

Got that & have just sent off an initial email. Thanks very much indeed actd, much appreciated.

JT.