[Solved] HOW CAN I REASSURE MY DAUGHTER WHEN MUM LEAVES

just re -read just to clarify
we never left baby with strangers in the street! although the old dears do like to try and have a little wonder off with them lol

Hi Slim,

good luck for next week - the issue will be resolving your ex's anxieties.

I would suggest you ask her to leave without making a fuss and do not drag things out so your daughter is made aware of her leaving. The reality is that she may be momentarily upset but if this is dragged out its much worse.

If there is any communication apart from being sworn at (I would urge you record this too) email her in advanced - asking her for an opinion on how best this is managed. She may even mellow some more and only call you a d£$£ lol. Anyway seeking her opinion will only demonstrate you have your babies interest at heart and she may appreciate this. Once she has or hasnt replied then give your view but - short and sharp is my advice.

All the distraction stuff etc, but the main issue will be the stress caused by ex.

BW

be yourself mate. I suspect this is the continuing of the long arduous unfair road that you have travelled so well so far. I'd be pretty sure that in later years you will be far closer to your daughter than her horrible sounding mother. the truth will out in time mate.

The more or less identical path a lot of us fathers trudge as you know when we just want to do whats right by our own. The irony of all as all us reasonable dads know is the world is full of so called deadbeat dads who don't give a toss.. The tabloids jump on the typical case of the jobless father who has spawned a million times, hasn't worked ever, doesn't care yet pay no attention to the plight of the thousands of us out there in utter desperation.

Sorry mate, a bit off topic. Be yourself, youll be fine...

Cheers chaps, thing is Boycie she and the CC manager have agreed to do this at the last session and my EX is happy to leave the CC are really working with her to promote contact and make it go smoothy as possible so there's no need for me to contact her, If I even email her she will go straight to the police and have me arrested for harrasment so I'm not going to bother, she does now seem to understand that my Girl has a right to see her dad and she is reluctantly playing ball at the CC although it gives her the oppertunity to give me a good slagging at the same time she's just trying to provoke a response out of me so I look bad infront of the CC staff the same as she's done all along and I've not bit once 🙂

as I said before my mum ran a contact centre so I've had a big chat with her and she's gave me some brilliant advice so I'm a little less worried now she coached me through the first session and it couldnt of gone any better to be fair apart from the ex kicking off 🙂

Hi Slim,

Glad to hear it's all progressing well mate.
When we re-established contact via CC, it had been 6 months since I'd seen the kids.
To cover any possible issues with the children not having their mum around, we agreed that she would wait in an alternate area of the centre. That way, she was available to reassure the children if necessary.

We did that for two sessions, and after that she just left the CC, because the kids weren't fussed.

I think the best advice is definitely just "don't panic" stay chilled, and take it exactly the same as the last contact.
Little one will remember the fun she had last time and probably not even notice mum isn't there (unless of course the ex overplays the goodbyes etc!)

Good luck with it though bud!

BD

been through the same sort of thing. I hadn't seen my daughter for 6 months (she was 8 months old when I saw her again), at the first visit she would cry when I was near her and not like to be alone with me, this was very hard to take.

I made sure that I had a bag of toys that she would recognize and made her lunch. After a few weeks my Daughter was smiling when I walked in the room and was comfortable with being alone with me, so much so my ex decided that she was no longer required to be in the room.

I only see my daughter 5 hours a week at the moment, and have missed many due to ex stopping contact, but whenever she cries she wants me instead of her mum. I also appear to have a knack of putting her to sleep very quickly, which apparently is very unusual for my daughter.

the only advice I can give is when she cries is comfort her, kiss/cuddle and make sure you are there. She will eventually realise she can trust you. Also baby's will pick up on your feelings, so if you're nervous before a visit the likelihood is they will be too.

I have been in your situation and it is very hard at first, but it does get easier. Also Cafcass will (should) take into account the time you haven't seen your daughter and her age and accept that she will still be getting used to you. Atleast they did in my case.

Thankfully caftwats are no longer involved in my case and good riddance to that shower of [censored], my first contact with my daughter went really well 2 weeks ago and my girl was fine with me from the off got her a toybox and she loved all her toys and she liked her pack lunch I made but unfortunately the ex was there all the while so this week she is going to leave me with her and I'll be given the oppertunity to distract/comfort her, I think I'm going to go down the distraction road with toys ect as my girl doesnt like a fuss and to be crowded like me but I'm pretty confident she will be fine when mum leaves she only went over to her twice last week, really looking forward to tomorrow now 🙂

You'l be great just be who you are, have a wonderful time, just a question Slim who decides when and how contact will be, were you involved in discussions or just told this is what it is agree to it.

The courts ordered the CC in the first place 8 weeks 1hr every 2 weeks then 4 weeks 2hr every 2 weeks. The CC are actually very good and pro active they have a structured plan of contact which is very child focused so they start off with the ex present the first week then tomorrow she will leave the room and see how she goes without her mum then it builds from there, the CC staff sat me down and explained this was their intention and I can't argue with it really as I hate to admit it but this seems the way forward to let my girl get to know me again after she's not seen me for so long, They promote good communication between me and the ex so they like us to try and build bridges at each contact session which is what I intended to do anyway, The CC manager is a right biased two faced sexist man hater like everyone else in the system but the actual staff are excellent I'm just thankful the annoying dragon manager is away for a few months so I wont have to see her god awful face 🙂