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Ok first the basics.
I have 2 children 5 and 9
We have joint parenting.
I work in the navy so I email with advance weekends I'm able to have my girls and get confirming emails.
Normally a month or 2 in advance.
Middle of September I received an email from ex saying they were planning a surprise trip to France just after Christmas and would I pay half the passport costs.
My first reaction was that I normally have my girls from the 26th till the 30/31st December work dependent and that I'm happy for them to go as long as this trip isn't during those dates stating there the dates I intend to have them.
I don't hear anything then send my requested dates to them on the 16th october for the rest of the year including 26th-30th of December.
The reply I got is as follows.
9th-11th confirmed.....I will drop girls to Dartmouth higher ferry and you can pick up and drop them back there as we have done before.
16th-18th confirmed....S***** has a choir concert on Saturday 17th although this is yet to be confirmed by the school and a flyer will be sent home...the school has no more information yet, I’ve checked this morning.
30th-2nd December confirmed.
14th-16th confirmed....the girls Xmas performances start on the 17th and goes on until the 20th.
26th-30th confirmed...with the EXCEPTION of the 28th December which is when the girls surprise trip to Paris has been booked. We thought as you may well be in Exeter that if you wouldn’t mind dropping the girls to the airport for 6.30am flight and picking them up at 6.30pm landing, you would then have them back with you (probably a bit tired) and you could have them an extra day....31st as well.
I won't be in Exeter so I'll be 45 minutes away from the airport.
They are prettie much telling me to have my girls at the airport for 0430.
They have booked a day out with them during the time I normally have them over Christmas.
I won't be able to have them on the 31st as if I could have I would have requested it in the first place.
I have sent an email back with
I am not happy about the arrangement with the 28th of December as you knew from the start that it was when I was going to be having them. May I suggest you re-book for a time I don't have them.
What can I do?
I believe I can refuse permission for the girls to leave the UK.
is there a law that says they have to make effort to let me see my children?
My fear is they will then stop me seeing them or just make it awquard.
It seems very much like a controlling thing pulling tricks like this to keep some power over me.
I'm thinking it's just a matter of time before it gets to court but from the way the divorce went I know things are leaned greatly in the mum's favour from free solicitors to blatantly unfair decisions hence my ex getting 32k +free solicitors and me getting 12k and a 7k solicitor fee.
Any ideas/info would be appreciated.
Hi There,
This may not be the answer that you are looking for.
As she has given you plenty of notice and tried to offer an alternative (I know you can accommodate that) then really there won't be much you can do even if it went to court, I can't see a judge stopping your ex from tacking the children to France.
All you can really do is try and work out when the time can be made up and give some dates.
GTTS
Hi there
It seems to me that you have a fairly civil arrangement, you are able to communicate to organise contact dates and there is a sharing of picking up and dropping off journeys... it would be such a pity to create bad feeling, that in turn could interfere with the smooth running of arrangements.
Without a court order for contact, she could limit or even stop contact, she could make contact much harder for you.
Courts want parents to be flexible with arrangements and work together for the benefit of the children, this would include being accommodating for holidays and activities that the children would enjoy.
In my opinion, forgoing a day of you contact is a small price to pay for your children’s enjoyment, they would love the excitement of a plane ride and a day out.
She has offered you a replacement day to compensate for the lost day, again that’s reasonable, if you can’t have them that day, perhaps you can ask for it to be tagged on next contact.
You can refuse permission for them to go abroad, strictly speaking she does need your permission, but think about it, why cause all of that conflict for one day and why deny your children a fun filled day?
My advice is to email her again and say you’ve had a rethink, that it’s ok for them to,go and ask for the extra day to be added on another of your contacts.
All the best
Thankyou for the advice.
I was able to work out a good alternative that keeps both sides happy.
I'm now having them from 21st-24th and 26th-27th.
Does mean a bit more driving for me but Its a small price considering your previous comments of them making life harder.
Thankyou
Hi There,
That's great, it will hopefully be better in the long run if you can keep things as there are with flexibility of contact.
GTTS
That's great news and it looks like you've squeezed an extra day out of her... just see it as something you're doing for your children, rather than allowing her control...they will have a great day!
All the best
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