[Solved] Hi......Any advice?

Hi Mojo

There has never been any domestic violence in our relationship (other than from her - she broke my ribs a few weeks ago and the police are aware), all I did was try and stop her, though she said "I went for her" - nothing was ever mentioned, and the police never brought it up.

She has said she would be willing for me to see my daughter in a Contact Center, but has said that shes too busy to go to mediation - do I take that as a refusal and go for a C100 - given the fact is am on the Offenders Register this could drag up all sorts of things, but nothing that I am unwilling to stand up and take responsibility for.

This is the closest I have got so far for this.

Invis

...it sounds like a refusal, but you would still need the mediator to sign off the form to say that she was unwilling to attend. It might be a good idea to get the contact in place before applying to court, that way you are already on the contact path as it were.

You will have to answer for the issues that you've spoken about, I don't see the first issue as a big problem as it was so long ago, but leaving your child and what happened after might well be a stumbling block....it will certainly prompt further reports I would say, and more hoops to jump through. That's the reason I advise getting contact going first, it would be unusual for a court to back track on that, although not impossible....it will all depend on the judge on the day, they are all different and how they deal with cases is too.

Hi Mojo,

Thanks for that piece of advice, I will contact the mediator, with regards to leaving my kid, the police have stated "no further action" and its been completely dropped - so I cant see that it would be too much (but my ex WILL make a crisis out of a drama).

I will crack on with that - have filled in the D8 as well but will talk to the mediator first - as I have a good job and its well paying I can see that I may end up paying for the entire divorce if she cant go down the DV route (which I dont think she can as I have never been violent in my entire life).

Invis

...it's a civil court and they don't have the same remit as a criminal court, an extreme example of that is a person cleared of rape in a criminal court, going to a fact finding hearing to do with contact and the judge finding that it happened! I guess I'm saying don't take anything for granted, I always find if you prepare yourself for the worst that can happen, anything less is a bonus.

The court will look at what happened and will very likely order more in depth reports, an S7 report can take 16 weeks and often contact would be delayed whilst that is prepared....so if you go in with supervised contact already underway it puts you in a better position.

If the D8 is to do with divorce, that's not an area I know much about I'm afraid, but others here will have experience of divorce and it's implications I'm sure.

Yesterday I got a text from my Ex (Ironically on what would have been our Wedding Anniversary!), telling me that I should now only go through her solicitor to talk about anything and blocking all contact

Sadly this also blocks my indirect contact with my daughter - it looks like I have lost my little one - devastating isnt the word right now - I just dont know what to do.

Hi there

It looks like you will have to consider court action to try and get some contact in place....is there a reason for her blocking you entirely now?

As she has asked you not to contact her except via a solicitor then you must abide by that, otherwise she can take out a NMO which will tie you up further.

I would write to her solicitor and try and negotiate contact via them, include the facts in the letter that you have been having indirect contact and your xxxxxwill be distressed at that stopping suddenly. That your ex has offered supervised contact and you would very much like that to commence, including information about the contact centre...you could contact t the contact centre and self refer and include information about that in the letter.

As she has now blocked contact the mediator will sign off the form to enable you to apply to court.

It's tough for you and for your child and we will do all we can to support you.

All the best

Thanks Mojo,

There wasnt a real reason given, at least not one that made any sense - basically I asked her if she had managed to arrange anything with the contact centre I had found - and then I got accused of harassing her (one text to her six texts asking me for money to pay off a financial matter!)

I have contacted her once after this (I have a removals van going there tomorrow to move the last of my stuff and I needed to find out if that would be a wasted journey - she emailed back saying that it was fine) - I have no wish to get into long protracted discussions with me being called an arsehole every other text - and I do hope that her solicitor will be more reasonable.

Thanks for the support, I spent about an hour on the bedroom floor just crying yesterday thinking I had lost everything

I need to figure out what to write in this letter to her solicitor now.

Invis

...just keep it civil and approach it from your child's perspective, as an example....how distressing this sudden cessation of contact will be for your child and how supervised contact will move contact forward and be beneficial to all but most importantly for your child....that sort of thing.

Best of luck

Hi invisibleintellectual,

Difficult times, but hang in there.

Just my 2 pennies having come out the other end of this.

Provide a number of contact centre options to the solicitor (start based on radius of mothers residence) and call them to confirm their availability. I can tell you first hand that when I went to get the process started, the volunteer contact centres never even picked up the phone and took weeks to respond to my emails. Keep your record of who you've contacted and when, last thing you want is someone accusing that you've been dragging your feet to get contact kick-started.

My experience has been that the http://www.naccc.org.uk/ website has out of date info, so some contact centres claim they are open on days and hours that they aren't etc. It's worth doing the calls yourself so that you can give all this info to a solicitor and cut down on multiple letters saying that you will follow up etc. and delaying the time between when you next see your little one.

I gave my ex 5 options, 1 which had immediate availability and all within 10 miles of her home, but she chose the most expensive one that wasn't available for 5 weeks! Gotta grit your teeth and bear it I'm afraid, but the bodies that matter will make note of your efforts and any reticence on the mother's part.

Even the longest rope has an end, my friend.

Concerned Daddy.

I wrote a really polite and nice letter (via email) to my Ex's Solicitor - only for her to respond within half an hour telling me she wasnt instructed by her regarding Contact Issues .....

I would write back stating that your ex has informed you that you were to go through them with regards to all matters concerning your child.

Hey Guys

Just an update - my ex has Self-Referred to a Contact Center, so it means that I will get to see my daughter starting this weekend (hopefully).

However, she has disclosed my [censored] Offenders Registration without my authorisation (I would have given it, but either myself or the police have to OK it - someone just cant give it out), so I need to ask exactly what she has done - thats by the by.

The question I have is that she has asked for Mandatory Alcohol Testing (still), and the Center arent sure if they can do this, I am wondering where they would stand legally if they were to perform Alcohol Testing. Its NOT that I have anything to hide, and I would do it just to see my little one, but I just want to make sure that it isnt someone from off the street with no formal training is going to do this and then record the results.

Also given that she wants Supervised visits - where do I stand on the costs? I am having to pay everything and its going to hit me extremely hard financially.

Any thoughts or advice are extremely appreciated and I thank you in advance.

Invis