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Hi,
This is probably going to be long winded and I may as well give up any hope of seeing my daughter again........
My daughter is just under 4 years old, and after she was born, I was arrested and held of suspicion of a very minor sexual offence (done when I was under the influence), so hence I had to sign the register for 5 years (we went though Childrens Services and all sorts of court mandated items but came out with flying colours) and I still have it hanging over me, not something I am proud of or even happy to have on my conscience, at that time I did have an Alcohol Problem, but thanks to therapy and a new recent person in my life who supports me 100% (why I dont know!) I have managed to really kick it to the curb and a glass of wine now is the exception rather than the rule.
Three years ago, my Ex-Wife and I started having issues, really just behaving more like brother and sister if I am honest, me going out to work and doing so much to put food on the table and a roof over our heads, that I did, if you ask, become a workaholic, I still managed to retain a very good job even though I am on the Offenders Register (My employer knows the exact circumstances and I have always been up front with them as it doesn't define who I am).
At the beginning of this year, I sold off the interests I had in a business so I could fund my Ex-Wife's new business venture and ensure she could undertake the training, etc - I didnt mind doing it, and I was looking after my daughter for upto 5 days per week in the martial home, though things werent rosy - not by a long shot.
I found out that she had been flirting with someone and I didnt really mind, I knew it was a matter of time before we split up, and it came one night when she said that she wanted a divorce, but I would still be able to see my daughter. I will admit I didnt cope with it well and drunk quite a bit and accidentally left my daughter in a shop - my Ex-Wife broke my ribs and had me arrested - I was released without any further action, my daughter was unscathed.
A week or so after this I went to pick up my stuff and my daughter wasnt at home, so I asked my Ex to go and pick her up - which she duly did and I got to spend an hour with my daughter, which was blissful and really good.
I know my Ex is now suffering severe financial hardship and I am helping her out where I can - even to the point of sending her additional money when she doesnt have any so neither she nor my daughter suffer. However, she will not let me see my daughter, I can only facetime her, and for a four year old you can imagine how that is going to go. I have even offered to take them shopping for food so they dont have to use foodbanks (which I found out they are doing). I am not missing any maintenance payments and also sending additional cash over when I can, but I cant get to see my little princess - I am a good dad, I screwed up big time I know, but my worry is that if I open the C100 can of worms I will have everything dragged up and never see my daughter, but my Ex appears to be doing NOTHING to progress any contact, only telling me that our daughter is under the protection of Childrens Services and the NSPCC but wont give me any additional information on this.
Any advice would be appreciated, I dont need to be abused because I did something wrong, but if I cant be given any good help then I would rather just end it now.
Invis
Hi There,
.
I think you could do with some legal advice, with this, I would talk with a solicitor and be 100% open about all of the details so that they can advise you fully, without knowing the details around what happened in the past it's hard to know how things would go, and being an open forum you shouldn't post them here, you could private message me the details, but my experience isn't as good as some of the other moderators on here, but I'm happy to try and advise.
.
GTTS
Have you tried mediation yet - the impression I get from your post is that it's not a hateful situation between you and your ex, so it might achive something to build on. If that doesn't work, then you don't have anything to lose by going to court route - you aren't seeing your daughter at the moment anyway, so anything granted is an improvement. Having everything dragged up isn't pleasant, I agree, but it's confidential and if you are open and honest about it from the start, then you have that element of control, which can make the process a bit more bearable.
Hi there
You could try contacting Childrens Services to find out what involvement they have at the moment and whether they are advising against contact. If you don't get anywhere it might help to talk to the Family Rights Group.
Mediation is a good idea, as actd says, you are still on talking terms with your ex and with the mediators help you might be able to reach agreement on some form of contact. It might be a good idea to suggest supervised contact at a contact centre as a starting point, if you do go to court it would help if you have agreed to contact all be it in a contact centre.
If mediation isn't an option you could try writing to her and asking her to agree to supervised contact in a contact centre, point out that your daughter will be missing you and this way contact will be supervised so she need not worry.
Best of luck
Hi Mojo/Actd
Unfortunately my Ex and I cant be exactly said to be on speaking terms.
I have had a call with Childrens Services (extremely informative and helpful) who say there are no reasons why I should not have access and there are no ongoing protection issues - they were more concerned that my Ex was telling me that there was. My Ex still steadfastly declines, at this point I mentioned a C100 and it's gone actually quite platonic (or as platonic as its ever going to be given the circumstances).
I have offered the option of me finding a contact center and her dropping my daughter off and picking her up - all supervised, but with the fact that we MUST proceed to full co-parenting or it will have to go through the courts (which I do think is going to happen at some point).
I dont care about everything being dragged up - when I stayed with a friend recently due to my registration (I literally had nowhere else to go), she had to have a visit from CS who said that my offence and sentence were a complete waste of taxpayers money and that they would close the case within a few days as it wasnt in their interests and didnt see that I was any issue. I am confident that if things were dragged up that it would be completely negated that it would be a one-off very silly drunken thing after 40+ years of being without any police involvement (its been my first and only offence).
I have contacted NFM and told my Ex to expect call from them (Again I got called a [censored] as she is "sorting things out" then she admitted the has no lawyer), I just want to see my daughter.
Thanks for listening
Invis.
I think that's positive, it will have given her food for thought and at least you know where you stand with Childrens Services, which should give you some hope that this can be sorted out.
If your ex is in financial hardship she probably couldn't afford a solicitor and it may be that the cost of mediation might put her off, if at all viable, it might be worth offering to pay for her to attend mediation, she then has no excuse not to attend. However if she's on benefits or a low income, she may be eligible for legal aid funding for mediation.
Best of luck
She has confirmed she is waiting for Legal Aid ......
She has also said that she would be willing to have Contact Center meetings with me (she is now saying I am a chronic alcoholic and drug addict - neither are true!)
Personally, I would accept the contact centre as an interim arrangement and a stepping stone to getting things moving.
She might be entitled to Legal Aid for mediation but whether she will get it for court depends on whether she meets the stringent criteria.
Hopefully she will agree to attend the mediation and you can get things moving that way,
If you reach a point where you can't agree to move things forward, then you can make the C100 application.
Best of luck
I intend to accept the Contact Center - its better than nothing at the moment and having a small kid on Facetime really isnt worthwhile - I just want to have a huge squishy hug with her - sad I know, but shes my little one
At the moment shes being more co-operative and has said she will agree to a Contact Center but she wants her/her lawyer (when she gets one) to arrange it.
You can self refer to a contact centre and they can contact the mother directly if she doesn't yet have representation. Waiting for a lawyer who hasn't yet been engaged to arrange it will just drag things out unnecessarily. Perhaps you can suggest to her that it's in your daughter's best interests to get this started sooner rather than later to prevent a longer gap in contact with you.
You can look on https://www.naccc.org.uk/ to find a suitable one in your area, you could even ask your ex to look at the site too so that she knows it's all above board.
You can do supervised which is just you and your daughter with someone taking notes, or supported which is where you would be in a room with other parents spending time with their children. The first option is often quite good if you think you may later end up in court as the notes can be used as evidence.
With mediation, I think applying for legal aid funding is fairly swift, in fact I think they get it underway almost immediately.... legal aid for court would be a different matter and there would be a wait.
Here's a link to the contact centres website, you can self refer And will find details of that and CCs in your area on the website.
www.naccc.org.uk
If she is applying for legal aid for legal representation in court she would need to show that there has been domestic violence in your relationship....hence the allegations, it's a common theme unfortunately. I think they are tightening up and it's not just a matter of making an allegation, there needs to be proof to back it up.
All the best
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