Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Just had an email from ex
He now thinks it's high time we can to some sort of arrangement for the kids.
He won't be told when he can have them though because he can't say when he will be free!!
He's offered to go for a bite to eat, his treat!! Hahaha!!
I've just emailed back, thatbinwant routine and consistency and if he can't provide that then we can't move forward.
I've done the right thing haven't i? Should I see what he suggests??
I think, that since he's been the one to mess things around and be unreliable for your children, then it's definitely up to him to come up with reasonable suggestions - and it needs to be small steps at first to see if he can manage to stick to that - if so, then you can progress.
By all means see what he suggests, but don't accept until you are happy that what he is suggesting is in the best interests of the children and that he is putting their needs before his.
He replied that he didn't have time today so that's confirmed it for me. If he emaile to discuss going forward ad then in the next breathe says he hasn't got time then clearly he's not ready to commit to anything. Once again failin to put them first.
I think that pretty much says it all about his attitude.
Ive done it!
I asked for his suggestion, said Id only be willing to consider something with routine, consistency and structure anything else wouldnt be fair on the kids and "as and when" wouldnt be good for their emotinal needs.
He suggested this friday but "thats it cause Ive plans on saturday and dunno what Im doing next week"
Ive said no.
I think this is a case of letting the court decide here. That said nobody can force him to be a committed father.
Lets hope that at some point through the proceedings he will realise its not about what's best for him but what is best for the kids!
Agree completely with what you've done there Crocs!
"a bit here, and a bit there" just won't cut it - and is likely to do more harm than good in my experience.
The kids need consistency and structure, until he can commit to that then it's all a false hope.
As Mojo says, I'd get the court to make a decision. If it's there in black and white (and enforceable from your POV), it might give him the shunt he needs to realise it's about the kids, not him.
Really grinds my gears when dad's can't be bothered, when for each of them there are 10 other parents having to fight tooth and nail for an hour every fortnight... So sad.
Hopefully he'll figure out what it's all about before the kids get old enough to make the decision for him.
All the best,
BD.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.