Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi there,
I really feel your pain on this one, and I've been here myself. Here's a couple of points that you might wish to consider.
Firstly, magistrates are notoriously bad at these matters. They have no legal training and rely on the advice and guidance of the legal adviser in the room. So, don't blame yourself or your barrister (or even your ex) for what's happened. It's the system, and you can't change or control it. I spent may hours getting angry about stupid decisions and misunderstandings that had taken place as a result of the magistrates system. It's a waste of energy.
Secondly, for the Child Arrangements Order, you basically need to spell it out in atomic-level detail if it's going to work. At the end of the day, you want contact to just happen, with no unnecessary contact with the other side. This means that the wording has to be such that it can only be interpreted in one way. So, when you're talking about dates, it's not enough to say "second half of the school holiday". It needs to say something more detailed along the lines of "second half of the school holiday, commencing at 16:00 on the Saturday, and ending at 18:00 on the Saturday nearest the end of the holiday." If your barrister is any good at drafting, they should be able to do this for you. If not, ask them to find someone who can.
Thirdly, as the non-resident parent, you're going to have to accept that your ex might want to make the odd change here or there. She is the one looking after the child most of the time and life does have complications. Don't get into the trap of going back to court to have the order enforced unless she is actually obstructing/with-holding contact. Magistrates and Judges can't be bothered with this kind of thing, it will take up a lot of your emotional energy, and will only stir things. Just think about the children (even if she apparently isn't), and do what's best in the circumstances. No-one wins at court, and the children often get affected because of the stress that the parents are going through.
So in summary, don't stress about the courts, get an order which is crystal clear, and prepare to be the flexible one in order to keep out of court.
Hope this helps.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.