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I have recently parted with my ex and we have 2 children together. I live in the north west in our rented home and she has moved in with her mother in south wales with the children (200 miles away). She let me have 2 brief phone calls with the children in the 4 days following and then said I couldn't speak to them again until I sent her cash. I told her I would need to consult someone for advice before I did that so I do it right. After a couple of days I try to get in touch again and the phone rang off. I waited 5 days and called South Wales Police to arrange a welfare check. The policeman confirmed they were still living at her mums house and that they were ok.
After clarifying that she was ignoring me and deliberately denying all contact I got in touch with a mediation service who agreed to contact her. I gave her a week to reply to the mediator's letter and she has so far ignored it. I now have an appointment with a local mediator to obtain an FM1 form so I can take this to court.
After doing a lot of research I have managed to answer a lot of my questions but there is always uncertainty as every case is different. I was hoping somebody might have been through a similar situation to mine.
I'm going for joint custody as the RP
Questions:
1. My son (age 3) is due to start school in September and is registered with a school here in the north west. It is unlikely that she had time to apply to a new school in south wales before they closed for summer. Does this give me a strong case for having them returned to me at the directions hearing?
2. I work full time and she will either be on income support or in a part time job. I can afford child care for when I am in work but would the judge likely favour the mother for having more time.
3.I have been a good, doting father and there are no grounds for her to keep them from me. How easy is it for her to raise false accusations of abuse against me or the children where there is no evidence whatsoever to suggest it and sabotage my chances and obtain legal aid? (she has threatened this in arguments we have had)
4. After talking about my situation to somebody else I mentioned that on a regular basis during the relationship breakdown she would make a threat to leave with the children when I was at work if I a) Mentioned our problems to anyone else b) Spoke to any other women and c) Contacted the authorities over the way she was treating me or the children. This is emotional abuse but I haven't reported it before. Is it too late or should I mention this when I submit my court application?
5. My ex is Neurotic. The abuse, my reason for wanting residence, the reason for the family breakdown and everything else originates from this belief. It's the reason why she has avoided mediation, it's the reason why she is denying me contact and it's the reason why she has taken the children from a position of stability at such a crucial time. I know I can construct a convincing argument on this and use her behaviour to support it but how likely is it that it will be enough to convince a judge to order the children back into the family home where I still live at the directions hearing?
6. Her nature suggests she might ignore the letter the court sends her inviting her to the directions hearing. She performs very badly when facing ANY kind of scrutiny from people outside her close family. If she no shows without good reason will I be granted the order as there is no resistance to it?
7. Finally the house she is now living in is a 3 bedroomed house. Her mother and sister take up 1 each and my ex and the children will share the other in a double bed. Is it worth arguing the fact that with me they have their own beds and their own bedrooms? As well as all the clothes, toys and nibbly bits that she couldn't fit in the single luggage bag she took with her?
I am on the birth cert and have parental rights but we aren't married. I will be representing myself.
Thank you in Advance for any help you can give me with this.
My 2 cents.......
1. Not sure but if your son has attended nursery in your aread and all his friends are going to the school then you could argue that the upheaval and distrubance does not favour his emotional needs.
2. Your ex could argue as you work full time she will be there more to emotionoaly support your son. Sounds daft as a lot of parents work full time and put there children into childcare but be aware of this.
3. To get legal aid there has to be evidence. i.e. Police reports etc. However it is very easy for her to alledge and try to sabotage your case in this manner as the judge will consider the childs best interests and if there is allegation may err on the side of caution.
4. You should put this in a C1 and submit with your C100
5. I think that it will be difficult to get anything more than access at a directions hearing and and decision on residency will have to wait until a final hearing and everything has been considered.
6. If youe ex does not show in court then its really not good for her and it will likely go your way. I think....
7. Most deffinately worth mentioning and will form part of your position statement under the welfare checklist.
Regards,
Dave
HI Jmelc
I agree with what DaveR has already told you,
1. Your son's schooling wont help your case.
2. Totally agree.
3. Is right and there is every chance she could make this up, however she must produce written evidence to get legal aid. Or she could self represent herself and still allege violence by GP reports, police reports.
4. This is emotional abuse.
5. If you have serious concerns about the safety of your children, you must complete a C1A as well as the C100. The C1A must refer to your concerns of safety re the children.
6. She would be very silly if she didn't attend Court. She would be given another opportunity to attend Court though.
7. Again as DaveR says, most definitely worth mentioning!
Have you continued trying to speak to the children? Have you tried writing, i.e.. sending cards or presents. I would suggest you continue to make attempt for contact for the time being, until it is crystal clear she is refusing. She could say you have not tried.
Thank you for the quick replies.
I've tried getting in touch via her sister on Facebook with regards to sending some support/presents etc. and she promptly replied they didn't need anything and blocked me. This made me think they will try and imply I'm not supporting them at the hearing (But surely the messages themselves are evidence?) I know the address so I could send presents anyway. Even if they are refused the trail should help undermine her claims.
There really is nothing to give any weight to any accusations she may make at the hearing. She definitely won't get Legal Aid. As I understand it my ex would need to inform the court of any allegations she wants to make BEFORE it gets to the directions hearing for it to be taken seriously and there is a chance she won't do this.
I know that If I can convince the judge to let me have the children in the interim it will help when a final decision is made at the end of the custody battle. It's worth trying however much the odds are stacked against me.
Thanks again for clarifying things for me so quickly.
Jamie.
It's always worth trying!
Money could be a defining issue here as she used it as a bargaining chip for you to have contact. You can contact the CSA and ask to pay maintenance, it doesn't have to come from the mother. Contact and maintenance are not linked and paying it doesn't assure contact can take place....except in the mothers mindset sometimes!
You can google the CSA calculator, input your details and you will be given an amount that you should pay.
When you fill in the C100 make sure you make it clear that you will be asking for an interim contact order to be put in place at the first hearing, otherwise it might get left out of the proceedings. It would be best to have a schedule of contact written down in the application too.
I've decided I'm going to get legal advice before the directions hearing, just an hour to make sure I know all the legal aspects.
I'm going to go into it with a proposal for me having the residency order but waving any right to child support and agreeing to pay for her travel costs to take them for the weekend, It will make money tight but it means the children will get more contact with BOTH of us than any other arrangement and I can look after their education and social skills better.
I'm also going to have a compromise where I am the NRP, express my need to have regular contact and involvement with them and request a court ordered reduction in the amount of child support I pay. This will be on the basis that it is then used on my own travel costs which will greatly increase the amount of time I can go and see them.
Just waiting for the mediator to get in touch with an appointment now!
Welcome Jmelc,
sorry to learn of these issues. I am impressed with your level of questioning and it appears you have a clear and focussed goal.
Please be clear money and access to the children are two entirely separate issues and do not get side-tracked with this.
One does not guarentee the other. You can demonstrate reasonable behaviour by offering 20% of your net income (as per CSA recommendations for 2 children).
I would advise you to get the form signed soon - these matters can drag on.
I would echo Dave's, Enya's and NJ's points - Dave has changed my viewpoint and I believe a C1 application with the C100 is important. It is worth looking up DV on the net as it is such a broad encompassing term - and it does not really relate to the physical aspects but more so the psycho-social, emotional and financial aspects.
Ultimately it is the children who have a right to see both parents and given their ages it would not be unreasonable to be remain doting in their lives.
Good luck and ask at any stage as the group are a friendly bunch only too happy to put ideas around.
BW
Hi Jmelc
You have had some more very useful info too π And most definitely contact taking place does not depend on you paying child support and child support does not depend on you having contact.
I would think twice about waiving child support and offering transport costs...on the grounds that if the roles were reversed the ex would not and mainly because as you said it will be tight!
There is no point in asking the Court to reduce the amount you pay, as they do not deal with child support at all, this is dealt with by the CSA only.
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