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I have had equal joint care of my daughter since we separated over 4 years ago (she was 8 months old).
I have tried to keep the peace and until recently gone along with whatever her mother wanted. TBH I didnβt dare do any other because if I objected to anything she would stop me having her. She has done this on at least 4 occasions. Iβm now pretty sure that when she goes back tonight that it will be weeks before she βallowsβ me to see her again.
This is because I have decided to take a stand and ask that I am treated equally in decisions regarding raising our daughter. It has all come to a head now as my ex wants to change her nursery. I was first told about the nursery change before Christmas, and as thatβs what she wants to do there is nothing I can do about it.
I looked around on the net and found the Prohibitive Steps Order, but had to have mediation first. I saw a mediator in December and my ex should have an appointment to see them soon.
Nothing more was said about this change until I picked my daughter up from her grandmotherβs yesterday (I donβt have any contact with ex). I was told to have DD ready for 7.30am today as she was starting the new nursery. I said Iβd be in touch (as I want all communication recorded). I sent a text saying that it had not been discussed or agreed with me and that she is to stay in her regular school until we can reach agreement. The text I got back 2.40pm was we can discuss it but she is going to the new nursery tomorrow, can you get her ready for 3pm. I text back saying they may not pick her up then as itβs one of her scheduled nights with me.
Her grandfather arrived at 7.30am to take her into new nursery I told him she wouldnβt be going as no agreement made to change her school. Her regular school had an inset day today so i couldn;t take her in.
I emailed new nursery to say that she does not have permission to register there, they said cant do anything without court order (I would have thought this meant they would need court order from her as well to make the changes, but it would appear that itβs only necessary for me to stop it) as they responded with βwe cant get involved in domestic disputes without direction from the court. I trust this makes our position clear and please note we will not make any further comments regarding thisβ
What next?
How long does a Prohibitive Steps Order take?
I know when she goes back tonight they will keep her there as Iβm not toeing the line, and whereas I donβt want to be separated from her I feel as though I need to get it sorted now, before it turns into bigger issues as she gets older.
Hi there
May I ask what are her reasons for the change of nursery? From what you say your daughter must be almost 5 now, I would have thought she would have started at reception class in primary school?
To be honest I have my doubts that the court would uphold your application, your daughter will have started and settled into the new place by the time it gets to court and they are unlikely to want to cause further disruption by ordering her back to her original school.
I do still think mediation could be helpful, you do need to discuss the lack of her involving you in important decisions. Having Parental Responsibility does give you the right to expect to be consulted/involved in decisions about education, religion and health.
It might be a good idea to try and get agreement on a parenting plan whilst at mediation. There's a sticky at the top of the Legal Eagle section about parenting plans and you will also find a link to a couple of templates in the sticky.
It covers all aspects of co parenting and allows you both to agree on a number of important issues. Although not a legally binding document, if you did find yourself in court in the future it would at least show that she had gone back on agreements.
Good luck.
Hers a link to the sticky I mentioned.
http://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/38959-cafcass-parenting-plan
Thanks for response.
She starts reception in September in the same school where is current nursery is based. My ex works really long hours and I think some of child care must have broken down, but I would have been happy to pick up the slack of that, we only communicate through her parents. Mediation is still going ahead and I was told my ex has agreed to go.
Perhaps you could write to her and suggest that you can pick up the slack because it would be much better for your daughter to have continuity and remain at the same school that she will be attending in September anyway. Try to be conciliatory and make it clear that you are only interested in maintaining what is best for your child. If you like the look of the CAFCASS template perhaps you could print one off and send it to her so that she will be well prepared for discussion on a broader level once mediation is underway.
I think it would help if you could start communicating directly and mediation might just help to restart this, it would be better for you all if you could develop a working relationship for the benefit of your child. I know when this has been the case with others and parents make the effort to get on, the child is the one that benefits the most.
Best of luck
[censored] a court bailiff just turned up with a child arrangement order, they must have thought I wasn't going to send her back for her night tonight.
How the [censored] did they get that so quickly. I thought court wouldn't do anything until after mediation etc, got a court date for 12th Jan!!!
They must have applied for an urgent Prohibited steps order...that would be the only way to get it accepted by the court without mediation.
Make
Oops...make sure that the court are aware that you are both in the process of mediation and you
haven't kept her over the agreed contact times. She really had no grounds to get an urgent hearing so she must have laid it on thick and told them you were intending not to return her, or perhaps had already done that!
I think it would be advisable to write a position statement and get it filed with the court before the hearing, to explain your position and the events leading up to it.
Thanks are there any advice or tips what should be included in a position statement.
She's not usually picked up until 4.30, they didnt come to get her (which is what usually happens) and Bailiff came at 6pm.
Here's a link to The Custody Minefield website and the section on Position Statements.
http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/positionstatements.html
Hey Shrek, I would definitely do as NJ says and get a statement ready for court asap. If you need a hand or a second opinion, just shout and sure one of us can help you. Good luck π
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