[Solved] Help with my ex!

hi,

she sounds like a controlling nut. I can't see any option other than you taking the legal route. she's being foolish and unreasonable, not letting you take your child home, because your wife is there. If I were you I would not hang around, and book a call with a mediator. They would need to give you permission if you want to take it to court. would cost about £90. MediateUK are a decent one.

with court route, you will get access to your son at least every other weekend, fri-sun, and mid-week access depending on your availability. if child is over 2, then he can stay overnight with you on weekends 🙂

Thank you! As it stands at the moment, I’m not allowed to see him until I agree that I’ll respond to her constant messages while he’s in my care for the few hours! I just don’t understand and why she needs to be so involved in the very few hours she gives me! And if I don’t do as she wills, she literally drives and picks him up or contacts my mother.

I think I will have to go down the legal route but she says if I want to take her to court I have to pay her half too to get her to go because she’s not paying anything. Surely that can’t be right?

As said above . I would arrange mediation immediately and if she refuses then put a court application in for contact. You certainly don't have to pay any of her legal bills. she can represent herself if she doesn't want to pay or option 2 be reasonable and stop sabotaging your relationship with your child

Thank you! She is still refusing to pay for her legal costs. Can a court make me pay for the both of us? I have two other kids so obviously I can’t afford that. She has now asked her brother to contact me who is saying I’m being funny by not responding to her messages asking if he is ok etc in the few hours that I have him? And he has said that I need to sit down with her and our parents to talk this through and sort it out because she’s not happy with the situation. Why should I need to do that?! I’ve not seen my son for two weeks now!

hi,

if they are serious about sitting down and sorting things out, you should do that. go to court as a last resort.

Hi,
As Warwickshire 1 has said, you are not liable for your ex's legal costs -she's an adult and not your responsibility.

If the current option to try to resolve matters is to have a family sit down with both her and your parents present, then that sounds worth pursuing asap, as you may get the result you want (or something close to it).

Court is usually where you head to when you feel you've run out of other viable options because the other parent won't be reasoned with.

You don't mention how old your son is, but I'm assuming he's a few years older than your twins, so at least school age? Given how little you see him weekly, I agree her behaviour is utterly unreasonable, more so her behaviour towards your wife. She has no right to make demands or lay down such conditions governing how you parent your son when he is under your care. You're his father, not her employee. As Bill337 has said, if he is over 2 your should be expecting weekly overnight stays with his dad as well, and certainly if he's started primary school,he should be having an midweek overnight stay as well as up to half his holidays with you.

This is standard behaviour I'm afraid mate, My ex tried all this they are just controlling and you will never have peace if you go to mediation ect as the usually take the other parents side and it means your ex can keep on controlling you as they never stick to anything agreed in mediation.

I'd start court asap as it takes ages anyway so the sooner you get in there the better and the sooner you'll get it sorted , saying that im about to go for the 3rd time at court as the ex is up to her old tricks.

good luck with it all mate

take care

Slim

Thanks everyone! I agree I don’t think she will stick to anything at all unless it’s legally written down. She has been told by family before and didn’t stick to anything because she thinks she’s justified.

Update - she’s still denying me access to my son but she’s messaged my mum who she doesn’t even speak to asking if she wants him one day this week.

try and ask if you can see your son a little more. whatever amount of contact she offers, accept it for now. it will show the court that your putting the child first.

Hi Kp22,

Having read your last comment, it's clear you're dealing with a person who has a sense of entitlement of 'her way or the highway', and who won't be reasoned with, so you might as well crack on with the court process.

Put in for mediation as soon as possible. If you're on a low wage you should incur a low charge or even have the whole amount covered by Legal Aid. Meet up with a mediator. They will then invite your ex to attend a meeting with them. If she doesn't show, then they will sign it off, and it's this sign-off that you'll need in order to complete an application to court. If she does attend and agrees to have mediation with you, you will both have a few joint mediation sessions to resolve issues, though from the sound of your ex, it sounds like it'll be a big surprise if she agrees to anything. If the issues remain unresolved, then the mediator will do the sign-off. The courts generally want to know you've made the effort to try to sort things out for yourselves before you resort to them.

The standard Child Arrangements for separated families is the child being with their so-called 'non-resident' parent every other weekend, with some midweek contact (depending on the distance between households), and up to half the school holidays. A sensible separated mother would come to some agreement on this and spare everyone the stress and expense of court (though I believe the father in this situation would be wise to get this agreement signed off by a solicitor as I think this strengthens his hand sound fun and games subsequently begin again and going the whole hog to court becomes the only thing left to do). Some mothers' sense of entitlement and 'ownership' of the children tend to overrule common sense and putting their children's needs first, unfortunately.

Thank you! Yesterday we spoke and she said I could see him today but this morning she’s changed her mind again. So I’ve told her I’ll be going through mediation.

Do I keep sending her the child maintenance I send every month even though she doesn’t let me see him? It’s not through CSA it’s an informal agreement.