[Solved] help with contact issues

The order doesn't force her to attend contact, it's an order for you to make your child available to your ex at specific times. Either one of you can go back to court to vary the existing order - at the moment, she can insist the court order is stuck to, and if you don't then she can apply for enforcement. My suggestion is to keep a record going forward of all contact that takes place. If she sticks to the arrangement, then that is probably best for all concerned, but if she starts missing contact on a regular basis, then you could apply for the order to be varied to reduce the level of contact, on the basis that your child need consistency and your ex not turning up is not providing that.

Hi there

I think you have every right to be concerned about your ex's behaviour, not to see your child for over six months and then expect to just re appear in her life just isn't fair to her.

As you are the parent with care, if you feel that there are safeguarding issues, it would be right to suspend contact and inform her what you are doing and why. As you mention supervised contact, you can suggest that contact resumes in a Contact Centre until you can be reassured that she can maintain regular contact, as dipping in and out of your child's life sporadically isn't in your child's best interests and can cause emotional harm.

If she wasn't happy with your decision, she could apply to court for enforcement of the existing order, but I doubt she would get very far because of her lack of commitment to your child.

Alternatively you could stop contact and apply to vary the order.

Personally, with her lack of commitment do you think it's likely that she would make a court application? I do think that you should try and encourage the mother to have a realationship with your daughter, but your daughters well being must be your priority.

Best of luck

Whilst it's true that you would be in breach of the order, the fact that you had good reasons for doing so would be enough for the court to accept your actions were in the child's best interests, especially as you hadn't stopped contact, but offered contact with supervision to ensure that she can maintain regular contact, before agreeing for it to resume out in the community again.

6 months between visits is just too much, when contact has been stopped for that length of time a court would often order that contact be resumed in a Contact Centre to give the child time to readjust to their presence in their life again.

thanks
I have kept a record since it was arranged
she has missed about half of the visits

thanks for all your comments
really appreciated
I have all along tried to encourage ex to make most of visits when she did bother coming
and as for ex taking it to court I never know with ex
I doubt she would though

As said, your child is your priority and as the main carer it's up to you to protect her... I'm sure you'll do the right thing for her.

My grandson lives with his Dad and has a poor example of a mother, but we encourage contact as long as it's safe to do so.... She only sees him once a week for tea and sometimes she can't manage that, but even though my grandson is aware of her failings, he's philosophical about it, kids are pretty astute!

He doesn't have a close relationship with her, but at least he has a relationship, that may change as he gets older, but if it breaks down it won't be because we didn't try and he won't feel that we were somehow to blame.

All the best

Going back a few years, I had the same issue - my ex had contact ordered twice a month, but she was unreliable, so I went back to court and had the order varied to once a month with a lot of notice if she wasn't going to attend. That lasted a few months before she stopped coming altogether,