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I need help please.
I separated from my son's mum about 4-5 years ago and me and her don't have the best relationship she is bitter and tries to turn him against me, he is 12 and is sick of it and has told me this weekend that he wants to move in with me.
I am more than happy for this to happen but he is worried about telling her as she will not allow this and he won't talk to anyone else about it he just says all he wants is me.
So when she says no, what can I do?? Can he choose and she has to deal with it or can she stop him?
I'm not really sure where to go with this?
Hi there
Apologies for the delay in replying.
Firstly I think it's important that you talk to the school about what's happening, they can give him some pastoral care, someone to talk to in confidence. This is mainly for his benefit, but it's also to get this insight of the authorities, helpful if you need to take formal action to have him live with you.
Your next step would be mediation to try and reach agreement with the mother, even if you don't think it would work, the court expect it to be attempted. You could suggest that he spends a week with you and a week with his Mum, in effect, a shared care agreement. Here's a link
www.nfm.org.uk
She may realise that f she doesn't agree a compromise, she may lose him altogether, but if she won't budge, the mediator will sign the form to enable you to make a court application to have him live with you, this will require him telling the adviser that he wants to live with you, but any meetings they have with him can be undertaken at school, if that would help him.
In the meantime he could call NYAS, which is an advocacy and support service for young people that are struggling in just the situation that your son is at the moment. You can also talk with them, via their helpline, they can perhaps advise you how best to support him.
www.nyas.net
There are no guarantees of success, but the older the child, the more weight their wishes and feelings will carry, and at 12 he is at that age where that would happen.
Court action need not be expensive, if you are prepared to go ahead without a solicitor, to submit the form would cost £215, whereas solicitors fees will reach a four figure sum. If this is the route that is taken, we will do as much as we can to advise and support you. Many Dads have represented themselves with much success.
All the best
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