[Solved] Help required. Just starting to live a nightmare.

Being brutally honest, it sounds as it's going to be a very rough time. However, being prepared for this will mean that hopefully you can deal with matters because you will be expecting what she may throw at you.

If you aren't already doing so, keep a diary of everything, all events, conversations (write them down as soon as possible as they are more accurate that way) and don't let her provoke you into doing or saying anything that you would regret if it was put bofore a court (and it will be if she thinks there will be an advantage to her case). For the moment, you need to apply to court as you've exhausted all other options.

Take a look at the sticky topic in the legal eagle section of representing yourself in court, as that will give you a good idea of what to expect.

Hi there

If she has no proof to back up her allegations, it's likely the court will ignore it. You may have do a drug test and a liver function test, but if you are adamant that you don't take drugs and she brings this up in court you can ask that she either pays for the tests or shares the cost.

CAFCASS will be asked to provide a safeguarding letter, to do that they would contact police and other agencies to see if you or your ex have any convictions or reports against either of you.. They will also interview you both by telephone, if there are no reported incidents of violence, the court will be able to move it forward. Even where there has been low level domestic violence contact is usually started in contact centre to begin with.

Try not to worry too much about what might or might not happen, just concentrate on presenting your case in a calm and reasoned manner.

It might be helpful for the court if you provide a very brief position statement; just a couple of pages with some background, the issues and what you would like to happen.

If you have any questions p,ease don't hesitate to ask.

All the best

Hello MrB179,

It is absolutely awful to enter this world which we as a family were unaware existed until exactly the same happened to my Son as has happened to you.

Your Ex is in control at the moment and you cannot do anything at present to alter that. You have to "ride the waves" for the time being. Make sure you do not retaliate in any way however upset or angry you feel. Be on your best behaviour at all times. Do not make any derogatory comments about her to anyone or on Facebook (that is if you use it) or by any other means. This is so important as you do not want to give her any ammunition to use against you in court or for her to take out a non molestation order against you.

If she offers you contact with your Son accept it but meet on neutral territory such as McDonalds as they have good C.C.T.V.

If there are no welfare and / or safeguarding issues to complicate matters, I would expect the case will go through the court process smoothly and contact be resumed.

Whilst it is shocking to have to endure false allegations levelled at us, it is very common indeed for the courts to hear all manner of untruths from this type of mother.

I couldn't agree more with all the replies to this post so far I too had exactly the same allegations thrown at me at the start of my case as has been said try to calm down take a step back and you will slowly see the wood from the trees.

The courts see this a million times over and are quite good at spotting a case where false allegations are thrown left right and centre unfortunately it's quite common, the courts and associated services with be cautious at first as they don't know you from Adam.

The courts are notoriously slow and a [censored] of allot of patience is required on your part just stick in there and you will be fine.

All the best

Slim

Thanks you guys who took time to reply to this it's much appreciated. I'm expecting a rough ride ahead but a little hope in me hopes the issues can be resolved in the first hearing but I kinda doubt that. I've found some good advice and even watched some videos on what time expect in court on advice.org.uk

know the allegations are untrue but It does feel like a case of guilty until proven innocent rather then the other way around. It's funny how soon as we split all these allegations started.

The ex sent a letter saying I could have supervised contact on Sat or Sunday and at her house or contact centre and would contact me on another number. 24hr I received a text saying 12-2 at her house accept or decline. I was working then and asked about the other flexible option she stated in letter. No reply by text and I sent a letter recorded delivery asking very nicely about resuming contact. No reply at all once again. I am no contact with her and her family so I don't have to worry about further arguments but have no choice but to get this c100 in the post

I was thinking of self representing myself in the first hearing and then if It went further then look at a solitor. Is self representing on first hearing a good or bad idea? Thanks

I depends on how confident you are, but it is doable and we have many members that have self represented with much success. If you decide to go ahead we will do all we can to support you.

The first hearing is relatively short. They will try and get some agreement between you both, may ask for more reports to be done and if you request an interim order for contact on the C100 form they should also discuss that.

All the best

Self repping isn't as daunting as it seems. Just be aware that if the mother agrees to a way forward, it is important to ask the court to review the matter in another hearing rather than having a final order.

If she's offering supervised contact with her but won't agree times, you could consider suggesting a contact centre as an interim arrangement.

OK so after a final letter to the ex she has agreed to supervised contact at the weekends for 2hrs. Better then nothing. She said for 6 month period then she will review. My opinion is I'm not letting her dictate me and my sons time so c100 sent regardless. I'm going to self representing myself in the first hearing then see what stunts she pulls. After that I've got a Mckenz ie friend who I spoke to who I'm considering bringing in to help. She was extremely helpful on the phone and is alot cheaper then a solitor. Anyone had any dealings with Mckenzie friends in court and can they really help you out? I know there not allowed to speak in court. Thanks

Hi there

A good MF can be a godsend, but you must remember they are an unregulated body and there are a number of them that leave a lot to be desired. Yoda and I have experience in this area and can give advice and make recommendations, depending where you are located. If you would like to chat about this, just drop either of us a PM and we may be able to help.

I think you're right to want to take some control of this, you may find that she moves the goal posts again when the six months are up. It's important that you are thoughtful to your sons needs, and to a certain extent, the mothers anxiety too. A gentle increase of time spent with him is the way to go and I would advise that you prepare a schedule of increasing contact to take with you to court, it wouldn't hurt to send your ex a copy a week before, to give her something to think about. A brief position statement to hand to the court on the morning of the hearing is also a good idea, youwould also give your ex a copy and keep one for yourself.

Make sure you are keeping copies of all correspondence between you and your ex too, this might be useful later on., but in any event it is good to keep a record of events.

All the best